Problems in my life, kinda personal but im desperate need some help here?

Question

Okay this is a long story so if your not in it for the long haul haha don't read. Also yeah this is about an older guy and by older I mean a lot So i don't want people answering with stuff like this guy is a pedofile blah blah blah. Okay I KNOW he isn't and its just complicated.

So basically when I first met this guy we worked together. He is just the type of guy who naturally is very touchy feely and flirty. We got pretty close at work we would talk about pretty much everything. I would joke with him about girls who came in and if he would date them. We talked about his family, his morals, what kinds of girls he likes and why and the same with me. Then one of my friend got a job working with us. She is a stunningly beautiful girl and he pretty much fell in love with her. But there is NO WAY in h**l he is her type. He has no chance with her what so ever and he knows that kinda. He still tries all the time to get with her etc. Well eventually I ended up quiting where I was working. Well I have always had a crush on him. He is just like everything i want pretty much. I know his faults and i still love him. As a friend and as more too i think. Well I'm 17 and I have always been pretty umm nothing sounds right so i will just say virginal. I always wanted to wait for that "special one" well when we got closer to each other i would ask him very... sexual questions which he answered he was kind of like a brother/bestfriend. He kinda considered me like his kid sister. Well one day out of nowhere my friend who also knew him decided we wanted to got o his house just to hang out. So we snuck out and went to his house. He was having a HUGE party and he took us through thee and introduced us to everyone. Showed us his house since it was the first time we were there blah blah blah all the boring stuff. Well how idk but we ended up in his room with the nights off. 4 of us Me, my friend, him, and his friend. Well umm not to go into basics but my friend and his got it on while me and him did in the same room. (ya I'm not proud but I can't take it back) While I'm still a virgin we did everything BUT actual intercourse. Umm at there urging me and my friend also kissed but nothing else. Well afterwards it was akward i couldn't look at him and my friend and I rushed home. (We got there at Midnight and didn't leave till 7am, we went to his room at 1am) Well because he was so much older it was akward, he had never ever mentioned wanting to be with me. I thought we were all just going to forget about it. My friend and I had talked and we decided that we weren't going to tell anyone. I really really wanted to talk to him about it but i just didn't know how to go about it. I was so confused not to mention VERY VERY attached to him because it was the FIRST time i had done anything like that. Well we didn't really talk me and him but the next day I get a text from my pretty friend that he likes and was still working with him. She pretty much insinuated that she knew what happened and she was shocked. I pretty much flew off the handle i was so pissed that he would tell her and not think about how i was feeling.So i drug the story out of her about how she knew. I guess he was telling her about his weekend then he was telling her about how he was such a bad person and how i was the person he always hated and pointed his finger at saying how bad he was then he described what happened that night. she asked him if it was anyone she knew and he told her enough for her to find out it was me. I liked him so much i didn't get mad at him i text him and asked him why he felt bad etc. He said it was because he was so much older, and how he had stopped him self from having s*x with other girls before me and didnt know why he didnt stop himself this time. How if he was my brother he would have kicked his own *** etc. i spent the whole time trying to make him feel better!! well he ha said he still wants to be my friend and hang out and stuff. my other friend talked to him and found out he felt bad because he doesnt like me in that way and he doesnt know who he is anymore. so im under the understanding that he regrets everything that happened. He doesn't want to be with me, he doesn't like me that way and pretty much he only wants to be friends and put the past behind us. Well yeah seems pretty straightforward right? Wrong. I think i love him, I can't get him off my mind, all i want to do is be with him. I can't stop thinking about him. Just like everything about it bothers me. I haven't seen him since that night and we havent talked much since the time i comforted him. What do i do?? Should i leave it how it is and not bother. I'm to shy to tell him how feel and i dont want him to reject me. I'm just being torn apart inside!! He is 27, I'm 17. I don't need you guys to tell me I'm stupid because i already know that. I don't need you guys to lecture about the age I KNOW. and BTW i no way look anywhere near 17 most people think im 21 so it does hel

Answer 1

not that big of an age difference you are to young but you are to young for anyone that is legal age.

Answer 2

The first intimate encounter always lead to really intense emotional feelings.  I'm 37, and I can literally still go back to the time when my "first" was all I could think of (he was also older by the way, but I was way younger than you).  I just cried, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, wrote poems about him, wrote him notes.  I promise it gets easier with each passing day, it'll just take time.  Find someone else to concentrate your sights on.  Just know when you "lose your virginity", that will be even more intense, so make sure the guy is really a good prospect, and not a one-night thing.  Don't even set yourself up for the hurt, trust me.

Answer 3

wow i think the only thing that would help right now is simply just talking to him. tell him how you feel and how like that night meant more to you than it did to him. i mean he told you how he feels about just wanting to be friends and youll respect that but tell him how you feel. youll feel much better after that. i think thats the only thing you can do right now. and was he drunk when you guys did stuff? maybe thats why he regrets it so much...

Answer 4

I was in the same exact situation once. He has said that he doesn't like you in a girlfriend way and he only wants to be friends with you. So he really doesn't deserve your attention. He doesn't deserve that you feel about him more than just a friend. Find someone who'll want you more and will appreciate you more.

The night with him didn't mean anything other than he was horny, it doesn't mean that he loves you or has any feelings for you. So the best thing you should do is forget about him and consider him as a friend and find you someone who'll love you.

Answer 5

I have done the older guy stuff when i was about your age. It's crazy to think about how i thought then and how i think now. People can tell you what they think but it's still hard to actually wrap your mind around it. there's nothing wrong with him being older. my husband is 9 yrs older than me. As much as you think you love him it's not real. He's a scumbag that does not deserve a nice girl like you. plus your friends are mean too. it's good that you know but not all of it should have been told to you. he's disgusting and would only continue to make you feel bad. things change once you get out of high school! there's more to life than this even though it doesn't feel that way. i'm so sorry you've been put through this. lift your head up high and move on.  

Answer 6

Girl...RUN FOR THE HILLS that's all i have to say. First off he is ruining your reputation. Telling your friend about what happened and your going to sit there, like a dumb a$$ and comfort him and worry about his feelings!!!!!

WAKE UP GIRL HE DOESN'T GIVE A p**p ABOUT YOU OR YOUR FEELINGS AND YOU CARE ABOUT HIS....seriously that doesn't make sense.

I really think you have some self esteem problems personally but who doesn't. Listen you can do better, trust me the right person is out there. This guy just doesn't cut it. He is not worth you time and your heart.

And by the way when you life starts to look like an episode of Jerry Springer you really need to re-evaluate your life.

I wouldn't even keep him as a friend to tell you the truth. Just don't do anything that you will regret more. DON'T SLEEP WITH HOME BOY!!!!!!!!

RUN! RUN FAST AND RUN FAR!!!!!

GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

I'd follow the advice of Mom of 2, Splatter and E. They have been through the same situation and their advice is kind.

I myself have not been in your situation, but if I were you, I'd follow their advice.