Problems in the bedroom ... (cant believe I am actually posting this!)

Question

So I have been umming and arring for ages where I should pose this question: here goes.

I have been with my boyfriend (now fiance!) for almost 6 years. I was sexually active with one other guy, briefly.

I have never had a o****m (ek!). I have literally tried everything I can think of! I have even been to a GP to get checked out. I wondered if I was broken or missing bits. Apparently everything is where it should be.

I used to be very in to the sexual side of my relashionship and worked hard at it! ha ha. At times my boyfriend just wasn't really in to it.

We have talked about it. Although my interest in s*x is now none and i think it is much the same for him. For me, I think this is due to a) being a bit rejected by him a few times in the bedroom. b) never having a o****m. c) I find him a little selfish in the bed room at times and tends to rush through everything, and similar issues that he will only really give me a good 'pash' when it is in a sexual context. Which kinda erks me.

What to do what to do?? I love love love him. We have talked about it and tried new things, although we are now at a complete holt and have been for ages. Could we just be sexually incompatible?

We are going to get married which is so exciting, but I would really like just one o****m in my life time! ahaha

P.S. I am 27 and he is 29

Answer 1

Sounds like both of you are very in experience in this area and I suggest maybe you both watch either abit of p**n or a hot s**y movie, this way you both watch and learn. Has your boyfriend ever gone down on you with his tounge?, if not you will probably find this will work. There's more to s*x than a big passionate kiss. Tell him you also need abit of caressing.

Answer 2

I can't believe you're going to get married without resolving this issue. You need a therapist and probably a new boyfriend. There's something dreadfully wrong with this one.

Answer 3

many women have the same similar problem as you, can't achieve o****m during s*x. So i prefer that you guys do some four play or either let him give you oral s*x first and then let him do his deed. I think it would work better that way. Good Luck

Answer 4

Ok.  This is actually more normal than you think.  My sister has been married for over 11 years and is 33 and still has never had an o****m.  But with me... I hadn't had one for a long time.  then my boyfriend/now husband baught me a vibrater for a gift (a little one) and I used it while having s*x and ohhhh my.... I had the biggest O!  Its kind of hard to explain on here without sounding gross, but you hold it down there on your ..... while your boyfriend is inside of you... have him go back and forth and you should have one within a matter of minutes.  You should talk to your friends about this, and maybe attend s*x parties where they sell things... and you can learn a lot.  spice things up, and dont be afraid to explore different objects to use.  My husband baught a s*x swing last year, and we have a blast!

Answer 5

this is probably gonna get me in trouble. and this is probably not gonna get posted for bad contents. but have u tried getting high on weed before s*x? it's the best discovery i've had. it's like i've never had s*x before in my life. it's a whole new level of intimacy. to be honest, i only get high to have amazzzing s*x afterwards.

s*x toys are nothing compared to having s*x while high.

Answer 6

im going with the girl that said get a battery operated boyfriend u seriously need to have ur urges u need to take care of make ur own orgasim and show boyfriend how to please u not all men know how to  

Answer 7

You need to talk to him about not being so selfish in the bedroom.If he loves you and you want to get married, then you both need to find out what will make you have an o****m. You dont want this to be a problem when you two are married. Good Luck!

Answer 8

Okay, you need to get to an adult shop, and buy a little vibrating thing - usually like a bullet or butterfly.  It's for your cl!t, so you need to get it and experiment on yourself - it will work!  

A lot of women can't o****m through s*x alone - foreplay is important and the guy needs to be into that otherwise it won't be very enjoyable for you.  You also need to learn about your body, because if you don't know what you like - how will he ever know??

He sounds lazy and selfish in the bedroom - you both need to sort it out before the marriage, otherwise you will never be happy!!

Good luck!

Answer 9

Well,  maybe you are paying too much attention to this.. the more u worry, the less u will get it (the o****m).  You say you love this guy, and u have tried so hard.. why hasn't he tried, that sounds very selfish.

Sorry to tell u this, but you won't last a long time without the o****m, eventually that will kill your relationship.. that's my opinion.. both u and him will eventually be looking for good s*x... Yes it could be you are not compatible.. ANd the only way to find that out is trying other guys.. something like cheating.. what i would do is breakup for a while, even though you love him I know... Break up, try other guys,or just with d****s, if u can't get the o****m then u have a problem and should go to a psychologist or couples therapy.

Good luck, and thanx 4 sharing.

Answer 10

this answer could have 2 parts.- relational and physical.

first the relational= do you feel any chemistry with him? are you attracted to him AT ALL? if not, you should at least be able to find him appealing to look at. if you think "uck" when you look at hime, it ain't gonna happen.

now the physical=  it is crucial that you spend a lot of time pleasing yourself, learning how to bring yourself to the big O alone. without him. this will help you get past any fears, inhibitions etc. plus you will learn what you like and what you dont. only when you have mastered this, can you be more open with him. find joy in your own body, appreciate your shape, your features and the fact that you find yourself s**y inside and out. take vitamins and try to keep stress levels to a minimum. try to find your wild side if you have one. and i'm sure you do. to "peak" with him, involves making yourself vulnerable. some women feel awkward letting lose out of fear they will look stupid thrashing around. dont be. he'll love it. men love enthusiasm more than technique, IMO.

you can do it! hang in there!

Answer 11

You need to get a vibrator and figure out for yourself what works and what doesn't, that way you can show him how or what will help you. Just a little private time with you and the toy and maybe a glass of wine, if you drink.I would also go to a gynecologist there may be something more out there they can tell you. You need to have a good check up with one anyway.It is sad to me that there are so many products out there for mens sexual pleasure and NONE for women. I've had times when I could not climax and it is very frustrating, but the best thing is to try to achieve it yourself first.GOOD LUCK!

Answer 12

Have you tried getting a BOB (battery operated boyfriend)?  If  YOU don't know what pleases you, you can't show him how to please you.

Answer 13

First start by giving yourself an o****m.  If you can't do it with your fingers, get a vibrator - (psssst....order it through the mail so noone will know).

Some guys are not good lovers and don't want to become good.

So either live with what you got, or move on to somebody who can be what you need him to be.

Answer 14

Watch Talk s*x with Sue Johansen on the oxygen network.  

her final show was on a few weeks ago but there are re runs and some of her information is very interesting.  some is just a little out there for me but who knows maybe you'll tune in the night she answers your question.  She has a web site with book listings and such as well.

Answer 15

hi youre not the first to get to point and feel is there ever going to be a o****m .....and the answer to this is yes .....that is once youve stopped having a nervous breakdown about it and start to relax and go with the flow .......ok so lets get down to how this might help you both get back on track .....and that isboth of you sit down over a drink and agree to not have s*x for a while but kissing and cuddleing is what you want to be doing ,it is almost as if youre going right back to the start of youre relationship and learn about each other all over again .....i know this more than likely sounds stupid but it can get you both going in the right direction again ,and by the sounds of things you have both got to the point of being not as connected and this due to you both stressing out about youre s*x life together ......which can be sorted out and it will be better its just a case that you both have to remove the stressing bit out and if you both just kiss and cuddle for say 6-8weeks,im telling you the sparks are going to fly ,but only if both of you are wanting it......share a bath together and that is one great way of relaxing and it brings you together put some fun back into youre private life and it is ok to burst out laughing with each other ....candle light meals together ,and things will get there .....an you will have more than just one once you both get over this wee sticky bit .....no pun intended lol ....take care of each other xx

Answer 16

It sounds like you need to go to bed with a man. Someone who puts you first and then himself. If you guys are going to be this way in the bedroom now I wouldn't get married till you fix this.....RoyM.....

Answer 17

  does  he  know  that  you  have  not  have  one  yet  ?,and  he is  not  helping  you  achieve  that  ......tell  him  to  make  you  go  there  ,concentrate  and  make  sure  you  get   or  there  will  be   no  happiness  in  your  marriage  at  all  if  you  don't  go  there,it  will  be  one  sided  sexual  experience  only  for  him  and  incomplete  for  you..I  can  probably  help  you  but...........

Answer 18

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