Problems with my sons father?

Question

My son is 7 years old and his father and I broke up when I was pregnant. He has since gotten married and ever since he has been with this new girl, he doesn't seem to have any interest in seeing his son. This is nothing new as he's been like this since my son was born. Just lately though my son has been asking why his father hasn't seen him for a while and wondering if he's 'ditched' him (as my son has put it).

I have asked him before why he doesn't see him and got a load of abuse thrown at me, but now seeing as my son is asking why,do you think I should try again? My son seems to think it's his fault.

Do you think I should confront him about it or not bother?

Answer 1

I AM such a son, age 15, so listen. You need to tell him the TRUTH about his father. My father is a (bad person), who abandoned me at the age of three months. This is hard to describe, it is truly unique, but had I not known that I came from a man who lived a life like he did, I wouldn't have known that I could do better than his sorry *** myself. As for you're son saying that his father ditched him... It's something he's going to have to come to terms with himself, as sad as it sounds. But I myself have only killed a couple people, so he should turn out alright ;). I've had to edit this because of some of the comments I've just read. Firstly, if your son dosen't want to talk to his father, he shouldn't have to. Shame on the person who suggested trying to guiltrip the father, that's wrong, and no good can come of it. I didn't want to talk to my dad, and I'm Better off because of it. Second, Frodo needs to get her *** off of this site before I get a little twisted over this. Don't you dare let yourself be brought down by what you "should have done," you are BETTER than that. And there IS no working out problems with people like that, and the best decision you made was to take your child out of that environment. Now that Frodo chick's got me PISSED OFF.  2nd edit: RIGHT ON!!!!

Answer 2

i have a 6 yr old and she has never seen her dad and rarely asks about him i think try and explain to your son that its not his fault and that its his dad that is the one loosing out on seeing him grow up into such a perfect man and that your new boyfriend thinks of him as his own and loves him just as much and maybe try and get them to closer and forget about the looser who wants nothing to do with him cos at the end of the day im sure your son will grow up to be a great man and will hate his dad for what he did and then when his dad come crawling back cos all the hard works done and he is raised your son will have the sence to tell him where to go good luck its a hard one..... or maybe get your son to ring him so it comes from his dads mouth i know itmight be hard for him to hear but at least he will know the truth and wont think your lying to stop him seeing him  

Answer 3

I want to say a few things and then I'm going to leave this topic alone!  Aside from all the wisdom and BS that has been espoused here, I never had a real relationship with my dad until after I left college, my dad didn't grow up knowing his dad and so on and so on!  I have a son now and I'm divorced surprise surprise, my son is 3 yrs old his mommy and I have been divorced since he was 10 months old and I see my son 50% of the time and eat me up I don't get these absent fathers I don't get it, I am making a change for my son that he will have a dad, albeit 50% of his life but that was better then all the me that came before me! Have your son make daily phone calls to his daddy and try to foster a relationship that way establish father son time on the phone, h**l get your ex to get a web cam you get one to and have them talk every day or at least every weekend if you can on the computer that way your son doesn’t have to type or use the mouse etc!  These are only two ways I could think to try, that's all YOU can do, the little guy will figure all this out on his own just try to be objective as you can and realize if you spill any poison it will come back to get you so stay as positive as possible, not saying that you have been even slightly negative in anyway, just saying keep it that way and he will put it all together, just know sometimes boys will get resentful at some point and he will eventually blame you, so be prepared!  Might want to read up on the topic before that day arrives, then again he may not but better to be prepared for the worst if the his father doesn't come around!  Best of luck to you and your son there I'll keep him in my thoughts.

Guy

Answer 4

I think divorce is overused these days.  You should have gone to counseling and FIXED your problems with your husband.  Every chance they get, couples divorce!  Why did you have to be selfish and make your child suffer?  You didn't need to do that with your husband/partner.  You needed to communicate and CHANGE things in a positive way.  There's really nothing you can do now to make your son feel better.  Tell him that this was YOUR fault, and you partner's fault, not his.  

Answer 5

You should get your son to ring him and to ask his dad himself. This should make the dad feel very guilty. You also need to reassure your son that it isn't his fault. You could also take your son on a day out to take his mind off things. Overall give your ex the guilt trip by letting your son ring him or contacting him to make him feel guilty.

Answer 6

Your son doesnt need such a father. Tell your son that his father isnt a good person. It's not your son's fault.

Answer 7

Hmm this tricky with out knowing your ex.  Here are some thoughts take what you will :

1. Call him on the phone - tell him right off if he gives you an grieve of any kind during the convo you will hang up on him and you are only doing this for the welfare of your son. Tell him what your son has said and ask him what he wants you to tell him when he asks if he is being ditched. That will put it in his court on 2 levels. One; for being a pour father and two for what he wants to do to make it better.

( sorry worded kinda bad its 2am and I'm tired)

2.Have your son call but would make sure able to hear the conversation just in case need to intervine.

3. You and your son write him a letter expressing your concern.

Answer 8

idefinately a loser, you should definately try again just for the sake of the child but, try it in a normal voice , show him that whatever decision he makes is his choice because the baby will be taken care of anyways!

i had my first at 17 and he was 25, he hadnt seen his daughter after she was 6 onths for almost a year, i called him and i said, " uhhm look your daughter needsyou, he paused on the phone started crying and told me that he was sorry and blah blah blah blah, but weve been together since and now he doesnt miss a day of his kids lives.

Answer 9

I wouldn't talk to the father - my father left us when I was 1 and my mother never asked him for money or chased hi to see us.  Of course I had rejection issues and I would be dishonest if I didn't tell you that it isn't easy to grow up feeling rejected by a father.  But I respect her for how she handled it, and even acting out I always did.  Because although I struggled with questioning why he didn't love me and what was wrong with me that he couldn't, I knew alongside it somehow that he was wrong for doing that to us and so by proxy (since I couldn't rationalise this part) she was right in letting him move on if he wanted to.

I would be honest with him and tell him that his father is a selfish man and wants to be with his new family now.  I'd also tel lhim that this was the reason you both split up (without the details of course).  And I'd tell him that people change and someday his father will really regret what he's done but that you & your son aren't going to waste your lives waiting for that to happen - you don't need him.  I really think it's important that your son has a paternal figure though, whether through sports clubs or something if there are no grandparents or uncles.  And mostly, I really strongly believe you need to reinforce that it's not his fault and that his dad left because he wanted to, and because he didn't understand what he was missing, which is sad and stupid.

Edit: I def. wouldn't put my son through any type of further heartache by getting him to directly contact his dad.  I respect the dude below my answer for stepping up but its the adults who need to control and maintain relationships with children, not the other way around.  The father has made his choices and although they are absolutely insane (how could you walk away from your own flesh and blood?  I never ever got it) - they are his to make.  Just so you know, my stepdad was with us from I was 3 and even though I still had issues growing up, we're now best friends and he's in everyway my father.  I'm ssoo glad I never had to live with my blood father: he was an abusive psycho drunk, literally.  You've done all you can and you've given your little boy all he needs to start in life.  Forget the jackass, he'll get his.