Problems with the In laws?

Question

My ln-laws arent exactly the greatest. They arent people that I really trust to leave my 9 month old with. When we do see them I usually hold my daughter because she is very attached to me and cries if someone holds her that she isnt too familiar with. So im not going to instantly hand her off to my mother in law and upset her. But if she were to ask if she could hold her, I would give the baby to her. So really im wondering if I am doing this in an Okay way because apparently she got upset with me last night because she didnt get to hold the baby. She was cranky so I was holding her to try to comfort her. Should I feel guilty? I think that I should be more concerned with my daughters feeling rather than my Mother in laws right?

Answer 1

i agree above. let your mother in law hold the baby, care for it etc....the baby is nine months old. before you know it your going to have a very hard time with seperation anextY. your baby needs to learn deal w/out mommy holding her and your mother in law needs to learn how to respond to the babys needs. good luck. by the way your always going to have issues with the in-laws on rasing this kid. just keep your foot where it is needed.

Answer 2

I have an awful mother in law, she has huge physiological problems, and my partner is the only one of her 6 children that actually like and chat to her.

While I really dislike her, alot, I never let this get in the way of her relationship with the children, As long as I am around to view whats going on (she has stolen my children before) then all is ok.

You got to remember that she is the one that bought your partner into the world, and bought him up.

While you of course dont want your little one to be greedy, maybe you could sit down next to MIL with the bubs,m so that she can play and be around the bubs :)

Answer 3

When I had my first child, I didn't want anyone to hold her and when they did, I hovered.  Baby #2 came and I loosened up quite a bit.  By the time #3 was born...well, I would hand him off and enjoy the 5 minutes of peace!  Let your MIL hold her grandaughter.  If she cries, your MIL will give her back!

Answer 4

Yes as a parent you should be worried more about your daughter than what your MIL wants.  I wouldn't hand my son over to my MIL either when he was a baby.  She asked to hold him a couple of times and I let her and he would start screaming and carrying on and she told my husband at the time that I needed to stop spoiling the baby so much.  While she was staying with us for a couple of weeks I actually made sure that my son was with me at all times because she kept making comments about how I should just let him cry or how I should be feeding him this or that.  She made me so mad that at one point i stayed 2 nights with my own mother to get some sanity back. Aren't Inlaws just wonderful lol I promised myself that I will never be like that when i have grandkids lol.

Answer 5

I think you were right to do what you did.Your baby needed comforting from her mom not her grandma especially since she doesn't know her too well anyway. Also there is no reason to just hand her off when she asks if she has seperation anxiety or just doesn't like other people holding her...she should feel comfortable with whoever is holding her and not scared half to death by it. I think what you are doing is best for you and your baby....just tell you MIL that your daughter is still kinda weird about other people holding her so you are just tryin to ease her into it instead of making her leap into it. Hopefully she understands and if not then tough for her!

Answer 6

I see your point of view and you are not doing anything bad.

However, your in laws do have a point. The only way your daughter can bond with the in laws is...well...let them have some time together.

That doesn't meant to leave her alone with them.

It does mean to be there for abit for your baby to "adjust" into the environment. (Looking around, seeing and sensing mama/daddy's behavior) etc.

Then what you can do is interact her to the environment. Lay her down to play with some toys etc.

Then have the In laws engage in those activities. Whether that means they lay on the floor and talk to your daughter or they help with feeding etc.

Something for your 9 month old to engage in AND for your in laws to learn how to "parent" in the SAME way you desire to parent. (Sometimes in laws or  parents like to do their "own thing" rather than respecting the bi logical parent's parenting). So that can help her build respect and gain knowledge of how you teach and bond with her.

Having your in laws directly hold her can cause any 9 month old to get upset. Especially when they are in the attachment stages.

My neighbor down stair's daughter is 6 months old.  She has known us since she was 2 weeks old.  She is the stage where she cries if anyone but her mom or dad hold her. Even us.  lol. She just started doing that a month ago. She is now moving out of that and now doesn't get fussy. It is stages they go through.  My  niece is 6 months old and my nephew and other niece did the exact same thing as they where infants and toddlers.

Your baby can also learn bonding and trust through out that process.

As I said, instead of just holding her or handing her off to someone else......let her engage in an activity and they join in.

See her re action. You can learn new things about her developing personality and her skills. At the same time, the in laws can have bonding time too.