Proof read and edit my paragraph please1?

Question

Our life-support system's health is maintained by all the species that make-up the biosphere—from the smallest to the largest (our biodiversity). The survival of all these species are interconnected and dependent on each other. Bacteria and insects break down organic material to produce soil and nutrients so plants can grow. Plants provide oxygen and food for animals and many other benefits. Bees, other insects, and animals pollinate the plants so they can reproduce and keep the cycle going. They also maintain the health of plants and spread their seeds. The actual processes that take place between species and the environment are extremely complex and vulnerable. If humanity causes the extinction of one species—it's really the extinction of many species and the decline of our life-support system for ourselves and future generations. God's gift must not be taken for granted—it must be cared for. If not, humanity will face the grim consequences of its actions

Answer 1

The biosphere acts as a life support system for the entire planet.  It includes all organisms from the smallest to the largest.  The survival of all species is important to maintain the biodiversity.  They are interconnected and dependent on each other.  Bacteria and fungus break down organic material to release nutrients and make them available to plants.  The plants use the nutrients and release oxygen and provide food for the plant eaters.  They form relationships with animals like insects that pollinate them and mammals that receive fruits to transport the seeds.

The actual processes that take place between species and the environment are extremely complex and vulnerable. If humanity causes the extinction of one species—it's really the extinction of many species and the decline of our life-support system for ourselves and future generations. God's gift must not be taken for granted—it must be cared for. If not, humanity will face the grim consequences of its actions

Answer 2

The only real problem with your essay is the part where you invoke a god's gift -- it has no place in a science essay.