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Proofread my homework?? pleeease?

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I absolutely hate writing essays =/ Criticisms are welcome, I want to improve!

Obstacles brought upon by fate will force anyone to grow up and mature. Suzanne Fisher Staples’ novel, Shabanu: Daughter of the Wind, showcases the challenges survived by its Muslim protagonist, Shabanu. From the struggles to bear with cultural traditions, the devastating emotional blows to the heart, to a forced arranged marriage, how Shabanu deals with life’s adventures truly shows how mature she is beyond her society’s standards.

Growing up as the youngest child in a family with no sons, Shabanu spent her childhood with the freedoms of a boy; tending the family camels, always outdoors, and vice versa. As the age of puberty started creeping up, Shabanu’s family grew worrisome due to disinterest in her duties as a female Muslim. A young Shabanu has a strong dislike for wearing a chadr, a long cloth used by women as a head cover which symbolizes womanhood, yet her aunt insists, “’A young lady shouldn’t go with her head uncovered. You’re too old to act like a boy,’ says Auntie… ‘Thank you Auntie,’ I say, wanting to curse her,” (33). Later in time, however, Shabanu becomes acclimated to the chadr and grows to see it as a thing of beauty and self-respect. The acceptance of the chadr is one of the many examples that acknowledge Shabanu’s developing maturity level and respect for tradition.

Shabanu was used to routines as a young child. One such familiarity to her is her father declining any high paying offers for her beloved camel, Guluband, every year at Sibi. This time around, however, when Shabanu’s father sells Guluband, depression fills her soul because Guluband was one of the things that made her very happy. After a while, though, it was a beneficial experience because, “[Guluband’s] going taught me both the strength of my will and its limits,” (85). Another thing, when her older sister’s, Phulan, learns her future husband had been killed, Shabanu was able to observe, “Phulan’s joy has turned into dust, and it has taught me a lesson about the fragility of happiness,” (179). Throughout the novel, Shabanu realizes that the life she knows of can shift into a total catastrophe without any warning and that her childhood perception greatly differs from the present.

Due to the traditional ways of the Islamic religion, Shabanu does not have the option of choosing who she’ll marry. In her culture, a little girl is considered a woman and is ripe for marriage once puberty begins. However, this imparts conflicts within Shabanu because she doesn’t feel ready for marriage and is still bewildered at the fact her older sister, Phulan, is getting married. She yearns for a life of freedom like her cousin, Fatima, “How I long to be like her – never to marry, to stay in the warm, safe circle of women,” (104). Shabanu’s menstruation starts and she tries to hide that fact from her parents or else they’ll send her on her way to marry Rahim-sahib. Shabanu’s loathe for such a marriage practice causes her to run away, except her father catches up to her and beats her, but she listens to her aunt Sharma’s advice to counteract the tremendous physical pain, “I recall the beautiful things in my world and, like a bride admiring her dowry, I take them out, one by one, then fold them again into my heart,” (240). Despite the desire for independence and difficulties with putting up with certain traditions, Shabanu exhibits wisdom by being capable of staying true to her heart and not just go along with society’s expectations.

Regardless of age, eleven-year-old Shabanu has tremendously developed mentally and emotionally in a short amount of time. The different barriers Shabanu had to overcome has helped shaped her into the person that she has developed into. She turned from being a little girl who thought she knew what to expect in life and into a strong-spirited adolescent who realizes that life has different horizons afar from her cultural background.

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  1. Overall this is very good.  You have a few problems as in the second to last sentence, as the subject and verb do not match.  You need 'have helped' to go with different barriers. Then 'shape' rather then shaped.

    "Tremendously developed" is quite an awkward word combination.  I might suggest, "substantially."

    You do very well with possessives and commas to break the prose.

    There are other places I might want to revise (as more parallel construction with "to" in the first paragraph), but you are doing very well indeed.

    Cheers


  2. It seems really fine. You are a really hardworking person! But if you really want to improve, you can try parallelism.

    Good Luck, hope it helps and God bless!

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