Proper way to offer her money?

Question

My friend Holly is in a really tight spot. She's a single mother and her parents basically disowned her when she got pregnant at a younger age. A lot of things have been going on and she has ZERO help. My husband and I want to offer her some money. And I know she'll be very grateful, but getting her to accept the money is the hard part. We REALLY want to help her - Any suggestions?

-Lilly

Answer 1

straight up.. she's in a tight spot, you need her help if she's that good a friend tell her she'd do the same. if that won't work...tell her to pay when able

Answer 2

Put it in an envelope (marked... because we love you... anonymous)...put it on her door step while she's home... knock and run.  

Answer 3

I agree with those who said to slip the money to her anonymously or give it to her in other ways, like buying stuff she needs and giving that to her.  If she's going to not accept it or feel bad because she took it from you, just put it in her mailbox or something.  She may figure out that it was you who gave it to her, but you can always act like you have no idea what she's talking about if you think it will make her feel weird.

Answer 4

Just tell her that you're doing this because you and your husband want to do it...and that you know she'd do the same for you if she could.

I think it's great that you really want to help her. You're a true friend.

Answer 5

Slip cash into her purse or somewhere she will "find it" and leave it at that, she doesn't need to know it came from you or where it came from just put it somewhere she will find it and it won't get lost, this way there is no sense of " I owe you" or feeling like she has to be extra nice or anything to repay you.

When you give someone money and you really want to help with no pay back this also means as a good person you aren't looking for gratification.

That's what I suggest, I do it to my mom when I know shes in a tough spot, somehow money will just appear in her bank or show up somewhere in her purse, I live far away so my sister does this for me I send her the money. I am very sure she knows its me, but there isn't any " Thank You's" or asking for the money which can make people feel even worse about their situation and feel like less of a person.

So, if its possible and you would like to try this, its a good feeling without gratification other than you know you did something good and didn't make someone feel like they owe you.

BTW EDIT: Below what Monkey said, I have done this too, You call the company she is paying her bill to and pay them, make sure to tell them not to tell her who did it though because that again can make her feel like less of a person, annonymous is the way to go.

I did this for my sister as well, she couldn't afford her prom dress so I called the place that had it and payed the balance for my sister but told the lady DO NOT tell my sister who paid, just give it to her and tell her its taken care of, my sister cried in the store and still doesn't know who did it but is very grateful she also didn't feel like less of a person she was just in shock. Thats all.

Answer 6

Before you offer her the money, you need to be OK with the fact that you may not get it back. Offer it as a gift, not as a loan. If this is your plan, just put it in a card and give it to her. Tell her that this is not given out of pity, but out of concern and love for a friend who needs help. Just tell her that you only ask that she use it wisely and that she gives someone else help when they need it.

Answer 7

You go together to horse races. Your husband says: "I'm going to bet" and he disappears. AHe comes back after a while and he says to your Holly "I bet for you, but I won't tell you what horse."After the race, he says: "your horse won" and he gives the money to Holly.

Answer 8

Just say something to the effect of "John and I realize you're in a tight spot right now, so if we can assist you with a loan, let us know."  Or if it would be a gift, let her know that.  Or, if you think she's really proud and would turn you down, why not just present her with a gift card to Walmart, Target or the local supermarket, which will free up what funds she does have for other things.

Answer 9

If she won't accept the money directly, maybe you can offer help in other ways that she will be more comfortable accepting.

She may need help with groceries, so instead of giving her money for groceries, take her out for groceries and pay the bill. If she needs money for daycare, pay the daycare bill for her directly. If she needs clothes for her kid(S), take her out shopping and pay the bill for her.

Sometimes this kind of help is easier for people to accept than money.

Alternatively, take her out for dinner or a coffee and have a chat with her. Tell her you've seen her work so hard and that you admire it and that you know she's struggled and it would really make you happy to be able to pitch in. Ask her what she would be willing to accept, and make sure it's clear that you do not want her to feel indebted or to pay you back and that you expect nothing in return, no strings attached.

Sometimes it's very hard for people to accept help because they fear that people will expect something from them in the future. If she is uncomfortable accepting your help, do respect that, and try to find an alternative. You could maybe take her out to dinner, or take care of the kid(s) one night a week so that she can have an evening to herself.

For single parents who struggle, these little gestures can mean more than the money would, so consider what might help her other than money itself, and do respect her wishes no matter what the outcome.

Good luck, and good for you for being so supportive of your friend!

Answer 10

Next time you are at her house, stash an envelope full of the money you wish to give her somewhere where she will find it.  Perhaps you could type a little note saying "From your Fairy Godmother" or something cheesy like that so she'll know it was intended for her.  That way, she'll never really be sure where it came from so she can't give it back.

That's really kind of you guys to want to help her out.  She's lucky to have friends like you.

Answer 11

Some people are embarrassed to accept money.  You could give her the money in another form--if she has a baby, buy some diapers, baby wipes, etc.  Or you could buy groceries and drop them off, telling her you had a lot of coupons and the food was practically free.

Tell her that we all have our rough patches, and this difficult time won't last.  If she worries about paying you back, tell her you want nothing.  Say that in the future, when her situation is better, she could help someone else who is struggling.  It's called, "paying it forward."

Answer 12

why dont you pay a bill or two for her and just not tell her.

btw that's really nice of you to help her.