Pros and cons of having a seating arrangement vs. No seating arangement?

Question

The wedding isn't for a while but I'm on the hunt for information.

I'm wondering what the Pros and cons are of having a seating arrangement or allowing guests to seat themselves.

Most of the family gets along, but like all families there are a few that never see eye to eye. My Fiance's parents are separated but are usually very nice to each other. And his mother has said not to worry about her because for her son's wedding she can deal with just about anything.

If I was to do a seating arrangement does anyone have any ideas on how to place families in the room.

My idea is we were not to do a seating arrangement was to have a table with place cards and favours so guests could reserve seats for themselves and any they wished to sit with.

Now to throw a wrench in the mix. I have a cousin with Autism who isn't always comfortable with large groups of people. He doesn't always want to eat with large gatherings. Any ideas on how to accommodate him with out making him feel unwelcome to dinner would be great. I want it to be so that if he wants to eat with the rest of the reception party he can but if he decides that day he would rather eat alone he can.

Answer 1

I did not have a seating arrangement nor have I ever been to a wedding with one.. I think they are silly.. people end up getting placed with people they don't know.. I think you should have tables reserved for the family of bride and family of groom  ( mom dad etc)  and table for the dates of your wedding party then let everyone else sit where they would like to .  

Answer 2

Oh, open seating by all means - everyone is more comfortable with this. Just reserve tables by family.

For your cousin - you could contact his mom and find out what situation he would be more comfortable with - and arrange seating for his family. Maybe at a side where he can feel 'safer'...

Answer 3

I would do no seating arrangement.  They are horrible unless you put A LOT of time and effort into making everyone happy.  Why do that though when they can seat themselves with people that they know and like.  As for your autistic cousin.  I would have him go with people that he is extremely comfortable with and if he is still not enjoying himself let him go where he wants.  GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

Pros = it's controlled

Cons = People might not like who they are seating with, so they wont have fun

the cards thing is a great idea, because that way, you put the guest's desires into consideration. They'll be happy if they knew who they were seating with AND if they like it!

Answer 5

I have to say that I am a firm believer in the seating arrangement.  Have never really cared for 'sit wherever' functions.  Reasons being....

1.  As already mentioned, guests who are late will be penalised and most likely have to split up (unless you have at least 1 extra table to allow for one seat at every other table to not be used).  It is also chaotic and a mess if people have to start reserving seats for each other.  It is a lot easier as a guest to just have one specific seat that you are told to sit in instead of having to try and find where your friends are sitting and hoping that there is a place for you and your partner at that table.

2.  If any guests have eating issues (such as lactose intollerant, vegetarian/vegan, etc) then it is MUCH easier for the caterers to know beforehand where all these people are sitting so they can bring the correct plates to the correct people.

3.  To answer a question posted above asking 'why' would you spend so much time and effort on making sure your guests are seated in good spots - WHY NOT?!  They are your GUESTS - which means you should be a good hostess and think about their comfort and well-being.  It does not mean that you leave them to their own devices - it means you take that extra time and effort to make sure they will be sitting with the correct people in the right spot.  It is called ettiquette and kind consideration which I would expect of all good hosts and hostesses.  A bit of time and effort spent on seating your guests well will ensure a smooth and happy reception.  The only problems with set seating come when the host/hostess do not spend this time and do not carefully think about where they sit everyone.

4.  It does not stop mingling as some will tell you - because the guests are only seated for the meals.  At every wedding I have been to the guests will get up and mingle straight after the meals - whether you had set seating or not.  No one really stays in their seats for long.

5.  As already mentioned - it also stops people who don't get along with each other from having to sit near each other.  By making seating arrangements you can sit your aunt mildred in one corner and her bitter rival uncle merve in the other corner!

6.  Your parents will not have to worry about having a seat near your head table.  By having the seating arrangement you can organise those who are special (ie immediate family) to be sitting in prime positions closest to the bridal party table.

7.  My parents have informed me that they have been to a number of weddings where the favours were not marked for each specific person - and other people would take them throughout the night - so some people went home with nothing while others went home with 2 or more favours.  It is great to use the favours as place cards (which you have sort of mentioned) so people can see that each favour is for one specific person and they are less likely to steal others favours then.

I spent the time and effort to organise set seating for my reception and it worked perfectly.  Everyone seemed happy with who they sat with and it was easy and quick to get them all seated as well.  Especially since you have an autistic cousin I would definately suggest you have set seating and make sure he is with people that he can cope with really well.  (Since you say he isn't great with crowds I would make sure he is in or near an open area where he can 'escape' if he feels the need (so he doesn't feel trapped) and put him at a smaller table too - no more than 8 people).

As far as placing families, I went with keeping similar age groups together.  I had an L-shaped room.  The bridal table was in the point (middle) of the L with the parents and grandparents on the table straight in front.  Then on one side of the L was the older generations!  and the other length of the L was for the younger ones.  The younger ones were also closest to the dance floor which was on the opposite corner of the bridal table.  The tables themselves ranged between 8-14 people per table and I sat people with others that they knew or I was sure would get along with.  (There were only a couple of people who did not really know anyone else there - so it was mostly just seating people with those they were close with).  If there is anyone important to you you can also sit them closer to the head table as a sign of respect.

Hope this helps.  If you need any more help just email me!

Answer 6

I am an Army wife and go to lots of formal events where there are ALWAYS seating plans as a courtesy to make sure that Guests don't feel left out.

I used one at my wedding and I will be using one at our vow renewal dinner. Why? because on the one occasion when I went to a wedding where they hadn't bothered there was an unseemly scramble for seats and some poor people were frankly stuck with people that they would never have chosen to sit anywhere near because they didn't make it to the table with their friends. It is a social minefield but incredibly useful to be able to put those who are less outgoing next to those who are, and to seat people together who you know will have something in common.

Answer 7

I'm getting married in May 2010 and although we haven't made a lot of decisions, this is one we have.  I've only been to two separate weddings out of about 20 or so I've attended that did not have assigned seating, one I was single, the other I had my fiance with me.  They both were disasters...it's chaotic, a lot of people end up with people they don't want to, groups of friends have to separate, large families may have to separate, people move place settings from one table to another (I'm not kidding, I witnessed it)...I think it makes it really hard on people.  Not very many people get seated with people they don't know when seats are assigned because you would put groups of people together and utilize perhaps 2-3 different table sizes like an 8,9, or 10 top table.  I think it makes people much more comfortable when they don't have to feel like they need to scope out a seat, or better yet save seats for themselves and their friends or family.

Answer 8

My wedding is not until June of next year but I am not going to have a seating arrangement. I want my guests to feel comfortable with where they sit and who they sit with. It's your choice do what makes you comfortable.

Answer 9

PROS

-no chaos when guests are trying to find a seat

-family will most likely be with their family, so it won't be akward

CONS

-more work for the bride or other member of the party

-more money for table numbers and/or placecards

-sometimes you can't help but put disagreeing people together

-guests may feel forced to sit where they don't want to (i.e. too close to the dance floor/DJ, not close enough)

you could always just use placecards for close family (parents, siblings, godparents, grandparents, etc.)

or you could reserve a couple tables for 'family of the bride', family or the groom' and whoever else you want to include in that.

as for your cousin, is he an adult, or a child? if he's a child, just make sure he's seated with his parents. child or adult, keep a small table for 2-4 near, just for him and whoever he would like to eat with.

Answer 10

Well the pros are that you can choose who to sit where, so you can separate people if they don't get along, and make sure they are on opposite sides of the room so there's no drama. People don't have to worry about finding a place to sit, like if there is a family of 5 that are running late to the reception, then they dont' have to search around for 5 chairs together or sit separately.

I don't really see many cons. I think they are a good idea, as long as it's done well. I don't really like it when you try to mix families together and make people sit with people they don't know. I sat people together who knew each other.  

Answer 11

You really must have a seating arrangement if it's over 75ish people. It's very chaotic and confusing without one. Plus a lot of times certain family members want to sit together and it screws up the waitstaff who winds up tripping over a table of 15 people squished in together. If you are doing a split menu, the waitstaff also brings out the meals table by table with all the orders.

Then what happens if there are couples or people who do not know many other guests? They feel mighty awkward asking some random guy to move over and make room for two. Also some shy people might wind up sitting by themselves, not fun.

If it's under, say 75 people, and all family memebers and friends who all know each other, and you have ample seating, then it's more ok. Otherwise it's a very bad idea. It can turn chaotic very quickly.

Also I agree with the poster above, what happens when people come in late? It might seem like a silly tradition, but the last thing you want to worry about is rearranging tables at the last minute because Uncle Bobby's family all wants to sit together.