Prospective fosterer/adopter?

Question

I plan, someday, to foster/adopt. I was looking over the child profiles on my state's website, and I noticed that all of the children had some sort of psychological problem: intermittent explosive disorder, reactive attachment disorder, ADD, etc. I understand that any child, especially one who has spent any considerable amount of time in the system, would have, at least, some trust issues. I am wondering, however, if it is at all possible to find a "normal" child. I have already dealt with too many medical issues with myself and family to rehash that again.

Answer 1

I can understand your concern. One does have to understand that you will most likely not get the "perfect child" but I also have looked on the state sites and it looks like the worst of the worst, with emotional problems are on there.

Well....I have good news for you. My husband works for a private non-profit organization. This organization deals with all of the same children that the state does. They are kind of like a private agency that helps the state with fostering, adoptions, etc. What you are seeing are the ones that have been available children for quite some time. The children that you may be looking for, do not make it to the site.

Once you are in the system as a foster parent, you get options and usually those children that you choose to foster, never are able to make it onto the website. Also, foster parents have first option to adopt healthy younger children....why those are not on there to adopt either.

So....get into the system as a foster parent, get all of your certifications done, etc and then see what is available to you.

You'll be surprised that the options are much different than you have seen on the website.

Good luck and love them with as much love as you can!!  = )

Answer 2

Allot of the older children do have some problems however not all of them and allot of the time they just need some love, Guidance and understanding.  However if this is a concern for as it was for me you need to request an infant up to a certain age and then you need to check medical records.  That is what I did and I end up getting a infant only a few days old and he has NO problems and he is the most happy, healthy smiling little boy.  He is the light of my life.

Good Luck to you!

Answer 3

You should Look into Private Adoption.

Answer 4

you need to keep in mind that the children who are wards of the state were taken from there parents for a reason or they have no one who wants them..This is always going to leave a psychological scar on them...By saying "normal" i assume you mean a child who doesn't have any problems what so ever? Perhaps then you should seek out a private adoption, if you want to foster children from the state you need to be more aware that most if not all of these kids will have some sort of problem...My question to you is...why do you want to foster kids if you don't want any who have issues? Being a foster parent myself i found it was my need to nurture,love and help heal these kids that was my driving force for wanting to do it....look inside yourself and figure out what you are willing to give as a foster parent, if it isn't all of you all of the time then i don't think fostering is for you...It doesn't make you a bad person to not want to take on the problems that some of these kids have. If you still feel you want to do this then you should be aware that when the state wants to place a child with you they are obligated to tell you the history of the child and whatever problems or special needs they have, it's your choice whether you foster that particular child or not...

Answer 5

Well, if you're planning to foster or adopt a child that you are fostering, unless the child is very young, I would say it's doubtful that they would have absolutely no problems.  It's surprising though what some love and patience will do, and also there are varying degrees of each disorder.

However, I can understand your concerns, and you may want to look at a straightforward adoption privately, or request a baby or toddler to be placed with you.  Good luck with whatever you decide!

Answer 6

What is normal now a days?  I adopted 2 crack addicted children the doctors didn't even give a chance to live.  They were 3months and 1 1/2yrs old.  They are now 11 and 13, have been straight A students all thru school.  We gave them a lot of love and support, no meds, we were very against the meds even though the docs and social workers wanted us to.  When they threw fits, we held them close to us and used warm showers (with all our clothes on) and held them with us, the water just trinkled, but it calmed them in a way I never saw before.  One day my son was real upset, I said, what can I do to help you honey, he was three, he said,, I just need a warm shower.  So then I knew all the comfort and love worked.  We have a pool now, they grew up to really enjoy the water and take long baths and showers to this day to relax.  Don't be afraid to take a child with some problems, if you have the love to give.  It was a hard 2yrs in the begining, a real challage, but we didn't give up, and when you look at it in a different way, I didn't go thru labor or pregnancy with them, so I guess that was Gods way of making me work for my wonderful children.  We sit down and talk a lot, sit and do homework with them.  It really is all about the time you put into your children, birth or adopted.  You have a good heart, I pray things work out for you.  ( I spent many a nights rocking the children to sleep and watching them sleep)   They have a clean bill of health. Doctors now are doing studies and writing a book about the methods we used.  They said we are the most successfull story of crack addicted children they have ever experienced.