Psychological issue regarding family...?

Question

This is going to sound really strange, but does anyone else find themselves looking for "parents" in people who aren't their family? While I have a loving family, I find myself wanting to have parental type relationships with people in my life such as friends parents, supervisors, professors, etc. What I mean by parental is the caring, nurturing type relationship people often have with their parents. My parents are amazing people and I know they love me, but they aren't very open about it. For example, I really gravitate towards people who listen to what I have to say, care about what's going on with me, etc. I think I gravitate towards the qualities in other people that my parents didn't show towards me growing up. Like I said, I know they love me, so I feel bad even thinking this way. Does anyone else find themselves looking for relationships like this, and if so, what do you do about it, because obviously these other people are not my real parents. When you answer, please be serious, this is a hard question to ask. Thank you.

Answer 1

I find myself doing this as well. The most serious problem that I have found with this is that, the people I gravitate towards are not always as nice and supportive as I initially thought. I was attracted to those qualities, but found not all of them really cared like parents would. In fact during crisis periods, some did not want any involvement, so the question was, did I choose the right role model? So I try to take experience from these relationships and not depend on them as real backup and improve myself from what I learn. The cold hard facts of life.

Answer 2

That's not strange at all.  You are trying make sure your needs are met.  Plus, this is a relationship that is comfortable for you.

This doesn't mean you don't love your parents, or you don't receive enough love.  However, it might be nice to try to bridge a little of that gap that exists between you and your parents.  Try writing your parents a nice letter telling them stories about your memories with them, and letting them know how much you appreciate their support of you now.  Try telling them you love them.

Also, make sure that you are also trying to have mature, adult-adult relationships, too.  These relationships are an important part of growing up, and allow you to take more responsibility for your life and your interactions with other people.  You sound pretty young, and this becomes easier with time.

Good luck, and many blessings!

Answer 3

Yes, this is actually normal.

I love my mother very much and she loves me.  Unfortunately, she seemed to care more about my stepfather than me.   I've never been able to really open up to her about all the pain I've experienced.  

In my teens, I looked for "replacement parents" often.   My biological father has never been in my life much besides the occasional visit and phone call.   My mom loved me...but she was too busy with her job, my stepfather, and other stuff to really notice what was up with me.  

I simply needed somebody to talk to.   I wanted an older, wiser person to share stuff with.

There was only one person in my life that I really trusted and I felt that she cared.   My mom has been friends with this woman for nearly 35 years.   Unfortunately, the lady moved to another part of the state and I haven't seen her in a long time.  

*Scanner....I completely agree!   I have also been in that situation.   Very unpleasant, isn't it?

Answer 4

I don't think its a bad thing, i did the same thing when i was growing up.  I still do to some point, have older friends that i look up to and feel kind of like they are a parent figure.  To me i think it was some things I was lacking with my own family.  Its perfectly fine to have that kind of relationships, you know who your mother and father are.

Answer 5

yes i got friends in my life who also play a mentoring rolle

i once saw a card that said it so well 'friends are the family you chosen yourself'