Psychology introduction?

Question

can someone please read this for me and leave some edits/comments? thank you.

In many foreign cultures, people have always accepted paranormal ability as truth and reality. In contrary, European and American cultures that have explored the hidden depths of the mind still struggle to embrace unusual mental capabilities without the presence of solid scientific proof. The scientific world, in the past, has never taken great interest in announcing abnormal mental activity as normal, as this announcement would indirectly declare our scientific view on worldly and physical limits false. However, psychologists and researchers have recently started using past anecdotal data to create experiments that may help discover quantities of greatly significant data. Through these running experiments, if convincing data is obtained, the metaphysical world can be announced as interconnected with the physical world. The goal of this paper is to discuss modern views on paranormal activities, modern accounts of paranormal activities, and modern explanations dealing with the existence of paranormal activities.

Answer 1

bla bla bla paranormal blah. European and American blah no proof mind magic blah. The scientific world, in the past, has never taken great interest in announcing abnormal mental activity as normal.. you lost me blah blah blah blah big words blah. the end blah

Answer 2

I really like your thesis, but I would change a couple of minor things.

1) "people have always accepted"... "has NEVER taken great interest..."  Avoid absolutes like never and always.

2) Reword the third sentence to state that, for example, because it is difficult to observe, validate or control for factors within paranormal phenomena, let alone create artificial scenarios in which that can all be done, the scientific community has tended to avoid such discussions.

Overall, sounds like an interesting project.  My last comment would be to consider the history of physical sciences and the laws that have given rise to the scientific method in the first place.  It is because all of science is premised on these fundamental physical laws that paranormal activities are even considered "paranormal" in the first place, right?

Answer 3

And millions of people believe that the world is flat. That doesn't mean it is, just that millions of people think so.

Pretty much the same with the metaphysical world, psychic phenomena, and the rest: Sure, people believe in it. But that doesn't make it true.

--  Dr. Bob, skeptic

Answer 4

Leave out "always," as it implies that all the people accept paranormal ability, without exception, which is probably not true.  Also, you give no reason as to why this is true, so is it your opinion?  Have you any support to back this up?  I'd leave it out, and the "in contrary," as well.  The same goes for "never."  It not all or never (always, in your case).  Very hard to prove and a teacher will jump on these statements.  What kind on anecdotal data?  Give ex.  What experiments?  Give ex.... In one experiment, this happened,.... which seems to suggest.... this.    What kind of convincing data is obtained?  If you want this to be an introduction, focus on ... in some cultures, such as..., a large majority of people accept paranormal ability as truth & reality.  In the European and Am...solid scientific proof.  After this sentence, you are going into the body of your paper, no longer an introduction.  The goal of this paper.... is a good ending sentence for the intro.  Good luck, and just an opinion here, try not to sound too wordy, just focus on getting your thoughts across.  Good luck!