Psychotic over- protective mother- what to do???

Question

somebody please help me. my mother is psycho. she wont let me go anywhere--- do anything. i barely get to hang out with my friends. it was my FIRST day of 11th grade today,, and I come home and she's already looked at my grades and all my teachers' websites, checked what my homework is for the day, and asked me if i'd done it, like right after i got home from school. i wasn't allowed out till i got my work done- which makes sense except there is no work on the first day. i can't even explain all the crazy c**p she's put me thru. she takes my phone away at night and charges it in her room so i cant use it; i cant but ringtones for my phone even; im not allowed to date or hang out with any guys-- even if theyre just friends; she took off my door!!; and soooo much more. i want to switch schools at the semester, and she wont even consider it. she just blew it off because it's not what SHE wants. it's not her life!! she even schedules my classes!!! i want to be in charge of my own life!! im 16 and she treats me like in 5. ive tried talking to her, but i always end up crying and she just says "oh get over yourself" and leaves. she honestly doent know how miserable and sad i am. believe me it's a lot worse than it sounds. I seriously just left tonight to take a walk. i cant stand being in my own house. help me.

Answer 1

wheres your daddy?

Answer 2

  My mother was similar SHE'S AFRAID YOU WILL HAVE s*x. They do all of those things and feel it works toward prevention.  Eventually it drove me out of the house, and into my boyfriends at 17.  I came back after a year or so, but  if I could do it all over again I would have just talked with her to re-assure her that I wasnt too hot in the pants. Try it maybe it will work for you.

Answer 3

i am a mom myself and love, your mom is definitely overly protective. it is natural for a parent to worry about their kids but your mom's actions are definitely psychotic.  explain to her to give you your space and this stifling behavior of her's is doing you more harm than good.  you are not a kid anymore.  speak to your dad or speak to a  therapist.  Go with your mom to a therapist.  no matter how difficult a stage this is for you, try to hang in there!

Answer 4

my mom was EXACTLY the same when i was 17... except well i had my door. but i wasnt allowed to lock it, especially when there were people there (sometimes my girls and i had sleepovers and i had to leave the door open... ridiculous)

anyway... girl, i understand your pain. unfortunately, your mom isn't going to change, i hate to tell you that. my BEST advice that i can give you from the bottom of my heard (and that i wish i would've done) is START SAVING UP FOR COLLEGE. even if its like $5 a week, it'll make a huge difference 2 years from now. go ahead and save enough to live at the dorms... it'll be the best thing for you to just leave ASAP

good luck!

Answer 5

did you give her attitude regarding your phone, or did you do something in your room with the door closed that made her really mad? i remember being a teenager and not understanding why my mum did the things to me that she did... now i am a mother of a teenager - i try to remember this and i try to explain to my kids why i am punishing them the way i am, ie take their tv's out if havent turned it off by 9.30pm etc  no matter how much i explain to them they still act as if they dont have a clue why they have been punished! good luck - i hope you realise what it is you are doing that your mother doesnt approve of soon!

Answer 6

Wow, I can't tell you how much I can relate. Holy **** dude it sounds like you're the girl version of me- except since you're a girl, it's much worse.

My mom is the exact same way- calls teachers, the staff, and even took me out of one of my AP classes and came to school that day. SO embarrassing. I'm also sixteen and started school at the same time.

We're gonna be adults soon and I think it's time your and my own moms let go a little. I'm not doing this for the best answer- I genuinely wanna help you. **** this is like twilight zone (i even went on a walk to blow off steam today, which I got yelled at for doing).

Okay well, if you're like me, you probably have tried everything. Maybe you're like me and haven't done anything for her to not trust you AT ALL for doing nothing wrong. I admit I have made mistakes, but everyone has and people have done alot worse. Even if you had done something, you learned and know better now. Like you said, you're not ******* 5 years old. You LEARN and GROW. **** :[

Here's what I did: I wrote on piece of paper (because talking to her got me nowhere and I would always get nervous and not be able to get out everything I planned to say)  EVERYTHING from childhood til now how I feel, which is very hard because I'm not good with emotions. And I mean EVERYTHING dude. I included things how it wasn't fair and made sure I didn't sound like a dumbass kid saying "why cant i have a car you dont love me i want everything you dont love me omg life is so horrible for me i never wanna be with you omg"

After I wrote it all down I gave it to her, saying I should have her trust and I am a responsible young man with good grades and morals and I deserve to be able to have fun with my friends and go to their parties and just be a teenager.

Sadly for me, this failed. She's a psychotic *****. She just completely blew it off. I was devastated. She's just threw away my emotions and my heart. **** man, it was the worst. I almost cried :[

Idk why im telling you this, but I suggest you do all you can. You don't wanna end up like me, i have a horrible home llife and gave up trying to fix it. I ran away twice and now drink and smoke cigarettes and occasionally pot. I even pop pills. I still have great grades so I can get a scholarship to a college and get away- its my only option. I could never keep up living at home like that.

But hey i'm sure we're still in the same boat. My advice- handle it better than me. Show her the question- UNCENSORED. Even though those things might hurt her feelings- you need to show your desperation. Please, show her my comment.

My life is ******* **** because of my mom and dad. If only they had given me more freedom and responsibilites- a chance- I coud've shown them I was worthy of their trust. Now look. I'm the opposite of what they wanted.

Just realize this could be you. Realize and learn from my ****. And please don't offend me and question i'm just some kind of troll messing with you and your family. I'm 16, a junior in apush, ap eng, ap french, physics, ap art history, and algebra 2. tmi i know but i dont want you guys to have any doubt. born july 23 1992. Your thing really touched me ;(((

Answer 7

write her the longest letter, telling how much it hurts when she does these craps for you. naturally she's say it's for you, but what the h**l, i'm 15 too, and i know how STUPID it feels like to be a prisoner in your own house.

hey. somehow, i really feel pity for you. try talking to your dad or anyone who is also close to your mom, so they'd be the one to tell her. i guess you are an only child, 'cause she's treating you like crazy.

also try talking to a child psychologist. it would make you feel much better, rather than talking to your mom.

fi all the possible ideas won't work, try not talking to her. mom can't bear their daughters not to talk to them. makes them feel guilty.

but EAT. do eat a lot. ignore her. like placing an invisible plugs in your ears. if all pleadings and letters won't work, that's always my plan B.

good luck on your mom.

pray for her,

miracles do come true sometimes.

i hope it works for you!

Answer 8

You should seek a therapist, or talk to your school counselor so they can help you or refer you to someone who can. I'm not saying this to be mean or condescending, but they can really help you deal with this.

Answer 9

I'm sorry that you're going through this. I have a 16 year old daughter. We have our disagreements, and there are times she hates me, and I'm okay with that.

Where is dad? Is he in your life? Can you talk to him, and see if he can talk to mom? I know I'm only seeing your point of view, so I'm answering this based on.... You didn't do anything to have the door removed, or phone taken away. Is there any other family member you can talk to about this, who can talk to mom?

I thought I was bad, but you're mom makes me look good. I am overprotective of my children, I have 4 daughters, and I only want the best for them. Sometimes they don't see what I'm doing, or trying to do, they only see that I'm in their way of having fun.

Try really sitting down and talking to her. I know you said you end up crying, try not to cry. Tell her that you need to talk to her, and that it's important. Let her know that when she tells you to get over yourself, that it makes you feel like she doesn't think your feelings count, and they should.

Tell her that just like she needs privacy, so does she. If she's looking at your grades online before you can do anything and then MAKING you do work that you really don't need to be doing, stay one step ahead of her. Find out what the homework is, if you can get it done in class, or shortly after getting home, get it done first. I don't know much about you or her. I can only tell you things that my children could do, or have done to earn trust, and "Bonuses".

When I come home from work, and their chores are done, and done right, the answer is yes to going outside, making phone calls, movies on the weekends. When I come home and their homework is already done, they've earned my trust, and little extra's - shopping for a shirt they've been wanting, etc...

I look back at my life, and my mistakes, I got pregnant my senior year of high school, I wasn't able to accept a scholarship due to pregnancy and the turn my life took. I left one bad relationship for a horrible (stalker) relationship. I've been raped, molested, abused both physically and mentally. I do not want my daughters to EVER feel any of this pain, or struggle as I did. So sometimes, I overreact, I try not to do it, but there it is, in my head, and my biggest fear is that they'll have to even feel one of those feelings. Maybe there is something in your mom's life that she's trying to protect you from having to experience.

If that's not the case, and you really don't know what else to do, and can't have anyone in your family step up to bat for you, ask about counseling. Perhaps for her sake, she would think this is normal, and for your sake, maybe the counselor can help you deal with your mom.

I really do hope everything turns out well for you. Keep your chin up.