Punishment didn't work for last family...?

Question

My niece, Brittany is my sisters daughter. She is completely out of line does drugs, drinks, gets herself in bad situations...... My sister is having nervous break downs and I have custody of her. I laid 3 firm rules down:

no dating

no drugs, smoking, drinking, etc..

no staying out past 9

Yesterday at one o clock worried I drove around and she was asleep in a guys car! I woke her up and I could just smell the beer on her. All the guy said "If I did that, my parents would paddle me into a coma." And she said "My aunt would never do that, she's to much of a wimp." I told her there would be punishment but I haven't decided yet. She broke all of my rules in one night! Her parents punishment that they tried and I tried was taking stuff away from her. It has never worked.

What would be a god punishment? Here are all the issues:

1. broke my rule of no drugs

2. broke my rule of no dating

3. broke my rule of staying out past 9

4. called me a wimp

5. well, there has to be more in there

Answer 1

Let her to know she cannot over you if you punish her say and mean it! That why she don't listen to you she think that you are easy person. In that age many are want to over rule the adult because they want challanged and think that they the right things for them.

Answer 2

Show her that you are not a wimp - paddle her bottom in a way she remembers. Then ground her for 4 weeks, with no amenities at home.

Answer 3

You didn't say how old she is. You only mention taking stuff away as punishment have you tried grounding her to the house or only letting her go places that you drive her to and you pick her up from? Talk to your local police station they may have a "scared straight" program. Make her go to an AA meeting or other recovery program or the meeting for family member of addicts. Take her to a homeless shelter to show her where that behavior will get her. Sometimes kids need to see something drastic to realize what they are doing. I will add you two to my prayer list. God Bless.

Answer 4

House arrest - if she actually attends school, she will be escorted there and back.  

If she runs or wags - call the cops to escort her home.

She is to recieve no contact from friends via email or phone so these items should be taken from her.

If her behaviour continues, send her to rehab or better yet, boot camp

Answer 5

It may be hard, but you might want to consider a boarding school. I know you would rather want her away learning to better herself as a person than her ending up with an STD, pregnant, or worse..dead.  

Answer 6

When I was that age, (I'm still pretty young), my parents enrolled me into a program called "Scared Straight", it was where they took you to the local prison, dressed you in the uniform, put on the shackles, and took you through the prison.

You got to speak to prisoners who had been in there for years, and listen to them pretty much tell you get your life together otherwise you would end up like them.

Some people say it's REALLY intense, but it worked for me, I didn't want to have to spend my life living the same routine day to day, so I straightened my act out as soon as possible!

They also checked me into Rehab several times, and actually wouldn't check me out until I was approved for check out by a shrink!

Answer 7

Well, you just learned the first rule of "laying down the law" - be prepared with a punishment, and consistently follow through with it.

Do you have a local police officer you can talk to?  I know some of them are willing to work with you on the drug issue.  The PR office at the police department might be able to put you in touch with someone.  Put the kid in lockup overnight, then decide to release her.  Or be willing to talk to the judge to get her into a rehab program instead of jail.  (I know it sounds mean, but if she needs help....)  They might even have a "scared straight" program.  At her age, it might work.

Other than that - my favorite punishment I have heard of includes telling her that if she breaks the rules again, everything will be removed from her room except the mattress and a set of clothes.  And when she breaks the rules again, DO IT.  

Found drunk, underage, in the back of someone's car?  Kidnapping comes to mind, providing alcohol to a minor, as well as underage rape.  Make a scene with the other kids' parents.  It is amazing what the phrase "underage rape of a 15 year old girl" can do (especially if the guy she is found with is old enough to drive!).  The embarrassment would be punishment enough.

Maybe put sensor lights on whatever path she is taking to leave the house at night?  Might not stop her, but it may give you a heads up that she has left the house.

Other than punishments, though - take an active interest in her life (and it sounds like you already have).  Sit down with her while she does schoolwork.  Eat dinner and breakfast together.  Quiz her about her friends, even when she yells at you that it is none of your business.  Hopefully, just knowing that someone cares enough to take an active interest in her well-being will help.

It is hard to get creative.  But figure out what is important to her, figure out how to affect that, and there is your punishment.  If you can figure out how to remove the bad elements in her life (boyfriend/friends providing the drugs? Can you get her moved to a different school?), hopefully the rest will work itself out.  

Answer 8

Brittany is 15 and sounds like she's pushing the boundaries to see if she can get a reaction-typical teen.At the moment because of circumstances she must be feeling a little lost.One o'clock in the morning seems a little late to go searching.I would have been out looking for her a 9.05pm given her history.You have said you would punish her,so why haven't you?It's a bit like a parent telling their child "Wait til Dad gets home".Ask Brittany what she thinks her punishment should be and ask her why she broke the rules in the first place.You got off lightly if all she called you is a wimp.Tell her you love her and explain how worried you were for her.This about Brittany and as selfish as teenagers are I know their is a wonderful person just waiting to say hi!