Pursuing adoption and TTC at the same time?

Question

My husband I have been TTC for almost 4 years. We are currently under the care of an RE and we are actively trying, clomid, bbt, etc, but nothing too high-tech like IVF.

We have thought about all our options and have decided to pursue adoption at this time. We are currently looking for adoption agencies in WV.

My questions are: has anyone else TTC and TTA at the same time? did the agency frown on this? any other info would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

Hi!!!  I know a couple at church that were actively ttc and started the adoption process.  They had just submitted all of their paper work and found out they were pregnant but they continued on with the adoption process as well because they knew they wanted more children but it was such a struggle to conceive the first.  By the time all of the paper work and every thing done their baby was almost 2 before they finally finalized their adoption of their second baby.  The agency shouldn't frown on this at all because they know that most coming to adopt are doing so because they are having difficulty conceiving their own baby.  I would be open with them and I am sure all will be fine. Either way you will have a baby to love and raise.  Best wishes!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 2

My #1 question is:  Are you opposed to adopting out of WV?  If not, I can lead you in the direction of a wonderful adoption agency in Oklahoma.  We adopted our son through this agency.  The out of state fees are $5000 for the agency and then of course, attorney fees; which are dependent upon each case.

I can't speak for other agencies, but our agency welcomes you to continue to try to conceive.  And, if you happen to get pregnant and you've already been chosen by a birthmother, you won't have to step out.  Just think, you could end up with two babies very, very close in age.  what a blessing?

Answer 3

They would only frown on it if  you got pregnant and cancelled adoption plans lol because then they wouldn't get your money!

Good luck with conceiving a child.   All the best.

Answer 4

I agree with a previous answerer that an adoption agency might frown on this if you cancel adoption plans because you became pregnant. My guess is that they may not take you as seriously as other Paps. So it depends on what your true intentions are.

I personally would not do this. TTC and adoption each have their own and very different emotions. That's a lot to take on at once. Good luck

Answer 5

I would doubt an adoption agency is going to care about TTC... and I would also find it to really be none of their business.

Answer 6

I adopted a baby 12 years ago, after TTC for several years. The final time I went through infertility treatments, I was also already connected with an adoption agency and knew that it was my last treatment before continuing with adoption. The adoption agency I worked with did not know this and did not "permit" it. However, I knew that I wanted to "try" one more time and I also knew that on an emotional level I really needed to start the adoption process when I did. I spoke with the psychiatrist from the infertility clinic (it was required because I was undergoing treatment using a donor egg) and explained to her how I felt about needing to look into adoption at the same time. She was completely useless and thought I was creating a pfoblem for myself where she saw none. She did not feel I had any responsibility to the adoption agency, which I certainly thought I did, even though I was willing to act as I did in my own self interest. I was concerned about being paired with a perspective birth parent and only then discovering I was pregnant, and how that might effect her and myself as well. It turned out that I did not get pregnant so there was really not an issue other than my own in thinking about it. I certainly understand why adoption agencies do not want to be involved with women who are actively involved in trying to get pregnant. I did not feel good about what I did but I also didn't feel that there was a major risk.

I must add that I am very much in favor of adoption as a way to create a family. It is in every way as wonderful a way to become parents and there are no health risks involved. Good luck!

Answer 7

Although it was over 40 years ago, my adoptive mother was quite obviously pregnant by the time my adoption was finalizing, it did not change anything.  They were still able to adopt me.  

I would think an agency would be quite happy to complete an adoption, so wouldn't be overly concerned about whether or not a PAP is pregnant.  That rather discriminatory the way I see it, anyway.

Answer 8

I think some agencies would think of this as a problem and some would not. I do think you should disclose this to the agency. I don't think the foster to adopt system would care at all, as long as you were upfront with them, because the kids in foster care really need parents.

Speaking for myself though, on an emotional level, I would not pursue adoption until I had mostly let go of the idea of a biological child. I say "mostly," because I don't think it will ever leave your mind completely. But I think it would be easier for you to commit yourself to being the best adoptive parent you can possibly be -- if you have loosened your grip on the dream of conceiving. You will be a better parent to an adopted child if your dreams are not haunted by the child you did not have.

I come at this as an adoptive parent and a woman who has experienced multiple pregnancy losses. I would be classified as infertile also, but I come at it in my heart more from mourning and loss rather than infertility. And I actually think it is perhaps easier to mourn and let go of actually conceived children. That is, maybe it is easier to mourn and move on from pregnancy loss than from infertility.

But you owe it to yourself and to your future child(ren) to let the dream children go, at least mostly, so that you can fully embrace the child(ren) you do have.

Best wishes to you.

Answer 9

I'm not sure - but I know in Texas that foster care will let you adopt while you're TTC.  I also know several other families who adopted through an agency in Texas while TTC, but since this was ages ago (the couples are more in line with my parents' ages than mine) I'm not sure they disclosed it to the agency.  

What I do know is that adoption is a wonderful way to suddenly make yourself fertile again!  It's happened to so many people I know that it's almost a standard joke.  My parents conceived me when they were young, but then could get pregnant again.  My father was told he had a practically eliminated sperm count, and underwent surgery to correct the problem.  For over a year after the surgery, nothing changed...so they proceeded with their adoption plans.  Just after agreeing to adopt my brothers, my mom found out she was pregnant.  Within 7 months they went from having only 1 child, a girl - to having 4 children, three of them sons.  To top things off, they had an "accidental" pregnancy five years later, and were able to conceive again after that!  

The same thing happened with my best friends parents.  Just after they had brought her adopted brother home from the hospital, her parents found out they were pregnant with her...  she and her brother are only 9 months apart in age.  

There are too many others to list here, but those were the ones closest to my heart anyway.  My personal theory on this is that for some reason having the "pressure off" and the paternal thoughts running through your head somehow unlocks your body, making you more capable of conceiving.  I'm not touting adoption as a medical cure for TTC, but I am saying that adopting and TTC are not mutually exclusive.  The only thing you really need to do is to make sure you will love the adopted child as much, even if you are able to conceive naturally as well.  If that is in your heart, then so much the better.  

Good Luck!

Answer 10

Go for it!  It was during my second IVF that I also signed up with an adoption agency.  They saw it as no problem.  The adoption came through for us really quickly and we had a baby in 4 1/2 months.  The second IVF did not work, but a month and a half after we got our adopted baby, we conceived!!!!  I will have two children 10 1/2 months apart and I will be happy for the rest of my life to explain how I had two kids so close together - that's a problem I am willing to have.  If the agency you are talking to frowns on it, get a new agency.  My advice is also to stay away from really large agencies.  There are too many people and not enough babies.  Find people you know, or friends of people you know that have adopted successfully and find out who they used as an agency.  We used a small agency that was referred to us by a friend that adopted 8 years ago, and again, we got a baby in 4 1/2 months - caucasian and all.

Answer 11

I also met a family that was in the adoption process and ended up conceiving after years of trying. The adoption was international, but in the end they have 2 beautiful girls that are almost the same age, best buddies. I guess the adoption agency was OK with it once the process was in motion.

Answer 12

Many agencies will put your file on hold if you are actively TTC.  Most of the international adoption agencies will as well.  In fact, most of these will cancel everything if you do end up pregnant.