Pushy father in law..need advice please!?

Question

Ok, I need a little advice. My husband's father lives out of state and wants to make a visit to see us. And when I say "us" I really mean my husband. Every single time he has came to visit, he pays absolutely no mind to me or our daughter, even though he says he's coming to see his grandaughter. Anyway, it's my husband's dad so I try to make the best of his visits and remember it's only for a few days. Well he asked in late August if he could come in September. Well this month is EXTREMELY busy for us. I'm having all 4 wisdom teeth out next week, my mother is having serious brain surgery the week after. My daughter has doctor's appointments and on top of all of that, we are completely broke so my husband can't take any time off. We told him all of this and explained that October would be much better for us. He threw a little fit, but we thought we had gotten through to him. Well he left a message last night saying that he'll be on this side of the country next week and wants to come for a visit then. I am so extremely frustrated with him because he does this sort of thing all the time. I have a feeling that even if we tell him no, he'll show up anyway. I cannot deal with entertaining him while my husband is at work 6 days a week, AND recover from my wisdom tooth surgery AND be there for my mother after her surgery. Any advice??

Answer 1

VA Moma, although it may sound rude you or your husband may have to explain the situation once again to his dad.  Inform him that if he wants to come to your state that he is going to  have to get himself a hotel room.  It would appear very selfish if he was to appear when he knows full well that he is not really wanted at that time.  And if and when he does show up then his son can escort him to hotel row and find him a nice room that you can visit when feeling better.  If indeed he throws another hissy fit, big deal, he is suppose to be an adult also so let him begin to act like one.  Best of luck with everything.

Answer 2

Doesn't this just tick you off?!  It's like you want to say no, but if you do, you'll have the rest of your married life to deal with the repercussions that follow.  But the thing is, you have legitimate excuses to not want company right now.  If he's still insistent on telling you what HE wants to do, tell him what YOU want to do.  "I'm sorry, but I have to stand my ground on this one.  You have to realize that our family has a life too, and we just can't reschedule dental and medical surgery like you think we can.  Please be sensitive to our issues, and find a more convenient/considerate time to visit".  You're an adult.  Don't be scared to tell him "no".  Think of it in this perspective:  he's being disrespectful toward you, by not accommodating to your wishes.  You are a grown-up too, and deserve to be treated in a better manner than he is.