Putting your child up for adoption is wrong!?!?!?

Question

Someone answered my last question saying that putting your child up for adoption is wrong. I have to wonder, where is the justification for that statement? I've never heard this before, so I'm open to all sorts of answers, not just people agreeing. Why is that so wrong?

Also, any personal experience with adoptions, please state. Thank you in advance.

Answer 1

Putting ur child up 4 adoption is not wrong.It is sad while u dont have ur child,but sonner or l8r,u get used 2 it.No,its not a problem at all.

Answer 2

well im not sure what you situation is but if you cant provide for the child or dont have the right family situation or means of raising a child or just no desire than i think putting your child up for adoption is the right thing to do, you need to always do what is best for the child.  Many reasons to do this, maybe you are too young and you need to do more school whatever it is the childs best interest should be at heart.  That is the bottom line.  Hope this helps

Answer 3

That's stupid.  If a mother knows that she will not be able to care for her child and provide it with a decent home, adoption is probably a good option.....since everyone is so opposed to abortions.  Would you rather see the kid grow up neglected, mistreated, hungry, and unloved simply because other people told you putting your child up for adoption was wrong?

Think ahead people!  Don't be so stupid!

Everyone always puts down the single teen mom.  If anyone really had any sense in the heads what so ever at all, they'd realize it's not their fault (Don't get pregnant!  Only a true idiot could say and believe that).  Anyone ever think it's the boyfriend's fault for walking out and not helping support that baby?  Gee. . .

Answer 4

Putting up your child for adoption isn't wrong.

If giving up a child so said child can have a better

life then there is nothing with that. I can't think of

a more selfless act of love. Please ignore

anyone who offers a small minded response.

Answer 5

No,it is not wrong. Too many young kids keep their babies and end up abusing or neglecting them rather than placing them up for adoption to a good home and people that will love and appreciate them. I gave up my child when I had just turned 17 and was mature enough to realize that it was for the best. It's been 27 years and I wonder about him,but still don't regret my decision,I'm quite sure he's had a better life than I could've provided for him.

Answer 6

Good question!  I too would like to know why doing probably the most unselfish act someone could possibly do would be wrong? What is wrong with giving an innocent child the chance at a better life than I can provide for them?  Although I cannot imagine being in the position to have to choose to make this decision, I have the utmost respect for anyone who chooses to do so.  If I was unable to provide financially or emotionally for a child, is it better that I keep the child destined to live a difficult life, vs. give someone else the opportunity to have a child that cannot do so on their own?  Wrong to give up a child....sounds crazy to me??

Answer 7

Adoption can be both wrong and right, you can do all the right things for all the wrong reasons.  If someone is giving up their child for adoption it should only be when that parent cannot provide material things(since love is free).  It can be wrong if you can provide what that child need and yet give them away, if you do give them away stay in contact so that child would not feel like there are potholes in their heart cause that can mess up a child.

Answer 8

I don't think its wrong necessarily.  You see with natural mothers, they get blamed on both ends of it.  To your face, its wonderful blessing and behind your back, you are a horrble person.  

Many times too there is a great deal of coercion.  All we aim to do is take the coercion, lying, and corruption out of adoption.

Answer 9

if it weren't for adoption I would not have my husband or my son.People make mistakes and get pregnant when the time is not quite right.I think adoption is the bravest thing a mother could ever do apart from raising the child as a single mom no matter how hard it is.I know I have been a single mom.I am happy adoption is an option because I have a wonderful husband and awesome son because it is.I also have another son that I raised on my own with no support from his dad for a little over year

Answer 10

It is not wrong at all.

By putting your child up for adoption you are helping yourself, the child, and another family.

You are helping yourself because you are giving yourself more opportunities. You have more freedom to explore more education options or career options. You have more money to spend on your well being.

You are helping you child by giving him/her a better life with more opportunities. Even if you have the money to take care of a child, maybe you are not emotionally ready for one. When you put him/her up for adoption you are giving your child the opportunity to have a happier life.

The people who adopt the child may not be able to have children. You are giving them the greatest gift that a human can give another human.

People who realize that for some reason or another they can't handle a child and put it up for adoption are very smart, responsible people.

Answer 11

I don't think it's wrong, I just think in the long run, the birthparent will regret the decision. It's a hard thing to live with, I can tell you that from experience. It's also a personal choice.

Answer 12

Alright, personal experience. My brother and I (11 and 16) are both adopted, and in a matter of weeks, we are adopting two more boys ages 5 and 7. We weren't the unfortunate kind who found out when we got letters from a strange women claiming to be our mothers, we were raised up knowing we were what we were: adopted. There is no way that adoption is wrong. If I would have stayed with my mother, I would have been brought up in a very unstable home, and probably addicted to a coupla drugs by now in my sophomore year of high school, but instead, I'm at the top of my class so far and doing great with my loving and caring adoptive parents. I wouldn't trade it for the world!

Answer 13

As you can see from the answers you have received - there are many perceived pros and cons in adoption - but many of the answers here are just peoples own feelings about adoption - many who have not been personally effected by adoption.

Pros - if done ethically - and if the child really does need a home - adoption can give a child a safe place with people who hopefully will care and love the child unconditionally.

Adoption is also seen as making families for those that are not able to have children biologically themselves.

Cons - too often - where infant adoption is concerned - ethics are thrown out the window - as adoption agencies just want to acquire healthy white infants for waiting prospective adoptive parents. (way too much money is involved - which equates to many possibilities of unethical behavior)

Relinquishing mothers and adoptees can both have long term psychological effects from being separated - many suffer from PTSD. In nature - mother and child are meant to stay together - when that bond is broken - there is pain involved - no matter the age of the child.

No matter the reason behind the adoption - losing ones mother is also a very real and painful event. An event that many adoptees are not allowed to grieve over - and there is always the questions of 'why' for the adoptee.

In the US - most states seal the adoptees original birth certificate and hospital birth medical records. Something that every other non-adopted person is entitled to receive.

Many adoptive parents do not allow knowledge or contact between the adoptee and their biological family - something that an adoptee needs to have a psychologically healthy upbringing - as we are like the people that we are born to - by genetics - we have similar looks and mannerisms - and when we are not allowed to see and know them - can be very confusing for the adoptee - especially during adolescents - when most teenagers (adopted and non-adopted) start to work out why they are who they are.

Adoptees feelings toward their own adoption will be influenced by many many events in the adoptees lives - and often their own feelings about their adoptions will change many times during their lives. Event that can attribute to an adoptees feelings of adopion -

- if they had abusive bio parents  

- if they had abusive adoptive parents

- during different periods of their lives - especially when major events impact on them (for me - the teenage years were a mess - and again when I had my own children)

- if they are allowed to know and love all sets of their parents (as adoptees have at least 2 sets in most cases)

- if they are told constantly to ignore their feelings (often told they are wrong)

- if they are told that they should be grateful for not being aborted (said way too often to adoptees - but I'm quite certain many non-adopted children/adults are ever told this!)

- if they wish to adopt children themselves

Adoptees are very very complex creatures.

We are damaged children/adults.

Adopting a damaged child is a very very hard child to parent.

All too often adoptive parents are not told of the down sides of adoption (or too often they just don't want to hear it - 'hear no evil' etc).

To be the best adoptive parent you can be - you have to know EVERYTHING and ALL SIDES of adoption - so that you can be ready for ANYTHING.

Having a closed mind will only have a detrimental affect on the adoptee in the long run.

A few things you can read - like books -

http://origins-usa.org/Default.aspx?page...

Adoptee blogs -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Relinquishing/first mother blogs -

http://www.adultadoptees.org/forum/index...

Effects on separating mother and child - (links on the right)

http://lizardchronicles.blogspot.com/

Support for opening adoptee records -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyu4E9Bhi...

Answer 14

It's not wrong, BUT at the same time I think are lot of people putting children up for adoption have being brainwashed that they can't do good enough jobs, or have basically being co-erced or forced into giving their children up, which is basically the same as having your children stolen.

Now THAT is VERY wrong.

Answer 15

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this at all. I would love to adopt  and have worked with adopting parents before and there is a great need some times for children to be put up for adoption. Economics, abuse, mental, emotional, ignorance... i have seen it all ... it is so necessary some times. Whoever made that statement obviously has no experience on this subject OR may be in a better position and of the state of mind to not want/need to put a child up for adoption.. Everyone is not there .. i think that shows more love to give the child a chance to hopefully have a better life.

Answer 16

I don't think it's wrong. If I had children that i couldn't afford to take care of, then i would want to give them a better home than i could.

Answer 17

That person is wrong. Putting your child up for adoption is an awful decision to have to make, but when you're in dire straits, putting your child up for adoption is the most responsible thing a mother can do. You're giving that child a great chance at a good life. I don't have any person experience at this. But giving a child a good chance at a good life? How wonderful is that?

Answer 18

I wish all the children whose parents or guardians sexually, physically or mentally abused them would put their children up for adoption.

Answer 19

If you can't or don't want to be a parent have an abortion.

It is more merciful.

Answer 20

I am answering from an adoptive moms point of view.  Here it is.  I give great honor to the woman who made the sacrifice of her own for that of a child.  She carried him for 9 months then handed him over to us to watch and care for for her.  She was unable to do so.... because she accidentally got pregnant, she just didn't erase him.  She bore the responsability and gave him exactly what he needed...a family.  Every day of her life, she thinks of my son...she wonders what he did in school, if he is well, if he is happy.  We send pictures, I write letters and she is informed, but she doesn't see when he comes home from school with some tale of the day....I get that.  Everyday she misses out on his life....she gave it, we are reaping the benefits of it.  SHE IS A SAINT!!!  

She was a 19 year old single mom of a 16 month old baby girl when she became pregnant with my son.... she was a baby herself, with little or no coping skills.... Shame on anyone who says what she did was wrong!!!  

One day... I will be able to thank her for her gift to me.... I will be able to look her in the eyes and express my love for her for giving her son to my care.... and I hope my son thanks her for his life!  He is the most wonderful person in the world.  He just turned 17 years old...   and lest anyone fear that I am speaking as a grateful mom w/ out the ability to have children... I have a 20 month old baby that I gave birth to..... my love and admiration and feelings for my sons birth mother remain and are strengthened.....

Answer 21

My second half and I gave up our first daughter for adoption over 13 years ago due to money issues,"We were totally broke" we are not addicted to drugs and or alcohol. Just we had no family support , all negative if any.. But out of all the fears from feelings we have encountered since that day have been more then rewarded in getting to know two wonderful people whom we gave our daughter too , out of trust , they would raise her and love her, teach her the correct human values of life.

This was one of the first types of "Open" adoptions in the state of Ohio.. We have contact with our second family and our biological daughter.. Our current daughter has open contact with her sister. So far things are going OK for both of the girls and accept the decision we made 13 years ago.

As the wheels of life turn...We hope they turn very true and at a slower pace..

Answer 22

I believe that adoption can be a very good thing. If you get pregnant when you aren't ready for a child or really young, that is your fault but there is nothing you can do about it after you get pregnant, it happened and people will just have to get over it. I think that if you realize you will not be able to give the baby the life that he/she deserves, giving it up for adoption, where it can be cared for better just shows how much you love your child, and that you are looking out for the baby more than you are yourself. My mother did that with me, and I went to a great family that was able to raise me better than my birthmom could have. People dont need to care about whether the baby was planned or not. Again, if you realize you can't take care of it the way it should be, giving it up for adoption would be the best thing, and its a lot better than getting an abortion...hope I helped you understand a little better... :)

Answer 23

After I was born, My parents separated, and I was put in the care of my Grandmother, who could not take care of for long, because of her age. I was then, sent to an Orphanage.To this day, I wished I had somebody, anybody, I could call mom and dad,to have a hug, and to be told I was loved, to be read a story, to have a birthday, even with a cake. When I got married, My main goal was not only to love my family, which was hard to do, since I wasn't really sure, what"love" was. But I told myself, "NEVER," would I let my child be an "orphan." Nowdays it is called a "Ward of the State," but is it really any different. So, my message is. It is better to be "Adopted," than it is, to be a "Ward of the State."But nothing beats having "Loving Biological Parents."

So, hug and kiss you children, and tell them, you love them

every single night. <}:-})

Answer 24

I think that putting your child up for adoption is just fine.  At least the parent is being responsible and knows that the baby will get better care somewhere else.  More people should realize that and maybe there won't be so many news reports about babies found dead in garbages and so forth.  It's all about responsibility.

Answer 25

i think that it is wrong

Answer 26

Of course it's not. It is the right thing to do. I think a lot of the people who've replied, only read your question, without your following comments.

There is a group of fanatics who are terrorizing the rest of us who want and need to discuss adoption. They call themselves anti-adoption supporters. They hate everyone who is adopted, adopting or has adopted. They've taken over the Adoption Forum & have frightened most of us away. That is who answered your last question.

There is no justification for their statements. They are sociopaths with no consciences.

I had never heard of them, either, until I joined a few weeks ago. Please do not allow them to intimidate you nor cause you to fear adoption. Adoption is one of the most selfless acts a person can do.

From the very proud & adoptive mother of an exquisite daughter who happened to be born in Russia & who can't imagine a life without her.

Added: to someone who answered: A lot of people resent having to pay taxes & for welfare for irresponsible people who are a burden to society. Why should we have to pay for others' irresponsibility & mistakes? If they are going to have s*x then they need to be responsible for the consequences. Celibacy never killed anyone.

Answer 27

yea its wrong! if u didnt want to have a child in the first place, then u should've been more careful. at least TRY to take care of your child. ( im not refering to u) lol

Answer 28

for the people who think this is wrong, did you think maybe these people who give their own flesh and blood up to strangers so they have better lives are maybe stronger people than you are?

you guys make it sound like they dont want their children and thats not what it is at all. these people are hurting inside and go through h**l not being able to keep their baby.

obviously you people have lived very sheltered lives

Answer 29

By what I have read It depends. Have you told the birth father and does he agree with you. Adoption is good and bad it depends how it's done. The sad fact is most young couples want new born and with LDS they want blond hair blue  eye children. There is alot of children in the foster programs most people over look. I'm on boths sides really My son has been figting LDS for his child kidnaped and put up for adoption(The baby can't be adopted) for my son was found not un fit and has visitaion for right now and then there is my daughter who will never have children unless she adopts so you see i'm as lost as you are. I just think that if adoption is your choice you really need to understand it's for good and be honest with all involved.

Answer 30

That was just an ignorant statement.  People put their babies up for adoption for many reasons and most are doing what is right for the child.  Children who are adopted usually go to loving homes and to people who really want a child.  Putting a child up for adoption is one of the most selfless acts a person can do under some circumstances.  People should be more tolerant and try to understand others a little.

Answer 31

Wow--that person is selfish.

When you're pregnant, it's not about you anymore. It's about a child and if you think your child deserves a better life then what you could possibly provide, then you need to look into adoption.

I was adopted. I don't know my birth parents, but I thank God that they had the maturity to take responsibility and give me away for adoption to a couple who COULD provide for me.

Both my sister and I are adopted and I wouldn't have it any other way.

This hits REALLY close to home, so I'll elaborate.

1) If you've never been in a situation where adoption/abortion was an option, you can't even full grasp the sitaution. Not all pregnancies are happy, and while it's a great idea to think that "You have to live with your mistake" the reality of the situation is that NO CHILD should have to pay for a one night stand or an affair with your boss.

2) Everyone preaches against abortion yet no one wants to do anything about it. Why only care about a baby when she's in the womb? If you're not for abortion, t hen adoption should be the logical step. Abortion isn't a "legal or illegal" problem. It's that we have tied such a strong stigma that it is all that people associate with it. Abortion is murder. Abortion is anti-Christian. If you aren't for abortion, then you HAVE TO BE PRO-MOTHER'S RIGHTS. That means more education. That means embracing adoption.

Maybe it's because I love my kids. Maybe it's because I'm a parent. But if there were ANY OUNCE of question when I had my kids as to whether my husband and I could give them the best life possible, we would NOT have considered keeping them. The moment you conceive a baby and decide that you won't abort this baby is the moment when you stop being selfish and start putting your focus on that new life.