Putting your family (as in spouse and children) first?

Question

Most people promised at the altar "to forsake all others" but how many really do put their spouse before their parents and siblings?

How does it work in your marriage?

Answer 1

You really have to, it's the only way it will work. We respect our parents, but there are times that it must be US first, and they understand that.

Same with my five siblings - four of them have families, and do the same.

The sanctity of your own marriage and family are paramount for harmony.

Answer 2

as for my husband and i, we truly put each other first, we have to. We are about to start a family together. We would love to help our parents and siblings more....but, they are adults, they have to stand on their two feet. Just the way its got to be.

Answer 3

If your marriage is ever truly going to work then you must put your spouse and kids first. My father in law is an absolute nightmare. He's tried to come between my husband and I repeatedly during the course of our marriage and before, and we've only been together 3 1/2 years and married for 1 1/2 years. He has said nothing but hateful, hurtful things about me and my family. He's very jealous of the fact that my husband would rather spend time with me than going to bars and strip clubs with him.

My father in law sent me a horrible e-mail attacking my marriage a week after our wedding. My husband originally stood up for his Dad making excuses for his terrible behavior, and due to this I seriously considered an annulment.

I became pregnant with our first child and his father never congratulated us and when I had a miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks he told us how relieved he was and happy he was that we lost our baby.

Now I'm pregnant again, and when he was told about my pregnancy and our first ultrasound seeing the baby kicking and waving it's arms, he said that our baby was probably just flipping me off. When he was told it was a girl, all he said was that it should have been a boy and hung up on the phone. He's never once inquired about my health or little girl's. (I'm 2 months from my due date.) On father's day in a crowded restaraunt he stood up and screamed at me that he warned his son to never marry me, that I was crazy, that my family are these awful people (he's only met them once at the wedding reception in which he sat in a corner and didn't speak to anyone and was the first person to leave), and that he never wanted to be around me again until I grow up. (I don't drink, don't run around on my husband, am a full time college student on the dean's list)

After this incident my husband finally stood up for me and has not spoken to his father since that day. I told my husband that if allowed his father to speak to me that way ever again or went running back to him like he did the first time that I would leave him. I do not have to be disrespected by anyone and neither will our daughter when she arrives.

I believe that when you marry someone and when you have children with someone that your "new" family that you have chosen to create comes first. My daughter is going to be my No. 1 priority and my marriage a very close No. 2. If anyone doesn't like that, or is trying to break apart my family then that's really too bad... even if it is a parent or sibling.  

Answer 4

my husband and my children come first i devoted my childhood and some of my adult life to my parents sibling etc i now have a responsibility now to my immediate family some of my family understand others don't but they don't see that they do the same as i

Answer 5

A marriage will simply not work if you do not follow this promise. In my own personal opinion I believe it is the most important part of the marriage vows. You are supposed to face the world and your families as a unit and it is important to be on each others side, right or wrong. Unfortunately we faced family issues on my side and his and did lose some close relationships but as adults you need to choose your immediate family as your priority and let yourself grow apart from those who oppose you.

Answer 6

I play second in ours...he proved that his mother is first...but i will not talk about it cause I don't want to fight with him...he tries though not to show preference, but it is so obvious...gotta live with it cause I love him!

Answer 7

We definitely put each other first! That's not to say we aren't close to our families, because we both are, but I would never turn my back on my husband for my family's sake, or refuse to defend him if they put him down. Unfortunately, my husband has already had to prove that he puts me first. His brother and I don't get along, and this brother told him that he had to choose between him and I. It really hurt him but he chose me. The brother and my husband didn't talk for several months, but eventually they made up. He proved that if he was put in the position he would choose his wife though.

Answer 8

I think it depends on the situation.If you believe he is right you should stick by him.I have been married 20 years and have never had a fight with my family.But last week it happened and he was right and i stood by him,and don't regret it.

Answer 9

We put each other first, always have. The strange thing is, we never talked about it. It just happens like that. Time and time again, we put each other ahead of any family members.

I like it that way. I think I would have serious issues if he or I ever put other family members first.

Serious illness and real emergencies are the exception, though.

Answer 10

My husband and my children come first to me and we come first to him. We have never had a problem with it. My mother in law has but she was just told like it was.