Puzzling behaviour...can someone explain it to me?

Question

When I was with my therapist last time, he was behaving rather strangely. He knows I won't be able to see him for the next few months, as I already told him, and he asked "Will you miss me?". I answered "um, sure?". He then stated "I know I'll miss you". It was a little confusing b/c I've had to be away for a similar time period before, and nothing like this has previously occured. Then, halfway through the session, he began to ask if there was something I wanted to tell him, and I was even more confused b/c I didn't really having anything to say, so I kept shrugging. He asked me a couple of times and then I suppose he decided to end the session early, b/c he started wrapping it up rather abruptly (like he was upset with me).

I'm a pretty up front person, so I asked him if he wanted me to leave or if I had done something to upset him, and he simply said if I don't have anything to tell him, then I guess we were ending early. That's never happened before (we usually go for the whole hour regardless of whether "I have anything to say???"

I might be psychoanalyzing this a little too much, but it's hard to leave something like this unnoticed especially since the it's a therapist acting strangely. Rather ironic.

Thanks for your replies in advance. =)

Answer 1

Teresa's response IS GREAT. The advice won't get better than that.

Answer 2

Therapists are people too - they get needy sometimes and want validation.  It sounds like your therapist needs you as much as you need him.  Either he needs to feel like he's the hero who's helping you, or he has a romantic/sexual attraction to you.  

Either way, it's inappropriate and unprofessional.  You are not there to fulfill his needs; you are paying him to deal with your needs.  This is a business exchange, not a personal friendship, and he should know that.

Use this time apart to start looking for a new therapist.

Answer 3

Sounds like your therapist has developed unprofessional feelings for you. You should probably look into finding a new therapist.

Answer 4

Actually, and I believe you know this intuitively- the answer to your question can only be explained by one person ... yes, your therapist.

If all 6.7 billion people on earth decided to respond to your question you would get some insightful as well as inane replies ... and, as tempting as it would be to consider one more favorably than another, the actual answer will only be contained in the reply from your therapist.  

With that said, you owe it to yourself (mentally and economically) to present him with the very concerns you have posted here.

As a means of trying to convey my point without looking as if I'm blowing off the question or even possibly don't understand the question, please consider this ... you mentioned, "he asked 'Will you miss me?'. I answered 'um, sure?'. He then stated 'I know I'll miss you'".  

There may -or may not- be something telling in that as you've already seen by the previous replies here.  My point is that some (depending on their particular experiences and frame of reference) will interpret that exchange between you and your therapist as possibly unethical and unprofessional -and indeed it could be ... but it shouldn't be decided that is what it truly is based on replies from this discussion board ... and certainly not without some input from your therapist.

At the same time, others may interpret that same exchange as an example of the "therapist's dance" where the therapist is using a different approach to [possibly] get you to open up -especially if there is a tendency for extraordinary periods of no dialogue between you and him.  If that is truly the case (and this cannot be confirmed by anyone other than your therapist), then he is being neither unethical nor unprofessional but is in fact doing his job.

At this point -where you seem unsure, confused, troubled, and searching for answers- it's (in my view) in your best interests to try and resolve this by making it a discussion between you and him.  After all, when the so-called "truth is told" you have the freedom and (hopefully) willfulness to either get up and walk away or stay and continue the therapy.

Good luck!  

Answer 5

You must be very very careful Poppet, you might be reading his mannerism all wrong.

He could have been trying to provoke a reaction from you. It would be extremely damaging to his profession,

if he was suggesting anything other than counselling

from you.

If you really felt this uncomfortable,you are within your rights to ask to see a different Therapist.

Otherwise visit on your next appointment and take someone with you.

Answer 6

Tell him exactly what you wrote here.  Then, if you like your sessions, tell him that you have a feeling that there is something different on his end, and that you will have a hard time going forward if not resolved.

Answer 7

The purpose of therapy is to prepare you to live without therapy.  Congratulations!  I think.......  

Answer 8

my best guess would be that he may have a ?crush? on you. i honestly dont know.

good luck