QUESTION ABOUT ADOPTION....?

Question

I have a few adopted family members and I don't really know what made me think of this but...

If the birth mother of a child is not financially, emotionally, or mentally ready for a child can she give the baby up for adoption and get her/him back when she is ready?

If you don't understand my question...let me try to explain it better...

Let's say a 16 year old has a baby and has no way of caring for her/him properly. Can she give the baby up for adoption and then get her/him back when she gets 18 or get when she is financially stable?

If so, in that case it wouldn't really be adoption right?

Answer 1

Adoption is forever.  Once you sign consent to let the adoptive parents claim the child as there own, it is final.  In some states there is a "grace period", where if you change your mind within 30 days, the adoption can be reversed.  But you need to check your state laws.  As far as foster care goes, you would have to speak with a counselor from an agency to see there rules and regulations, each one is different.  I know that, if you were able to place your child in foster care,  you would be granted visitation during that time period.  There is a lot of "red tape" once a child is placed in foster care as far as requirements for you to get that child back into custody.  Also, foster care is run like a family where the father and mother of the said child are not together...you would be required to pay child support.  Hope this answers your question, or at least gives you some idea of what you are looking at.  Good Luck !!

Answer 2

I do not think they can get them back once they have been legally adopted...but they could choose to place their child in foster care where a loving family could take care of the child until the parent(s) is able to take responsibility for their child.

Answer 3

Adoption is final--- new people are given the parental rights as if the child were born to them.

Foster care is meant to be temporary and nowadays is often time-limited-- you must have a plan and be working to prepare for assuming all parental responsibilities for your child.   Your parental rights can be legally terminated and your child can be placed for adoption if you need too much time to get ready to parent yourself.

Guardianship can sometimes be a good solution.  A friend, relative, neighbor, some trusted adult/family feels they can take care of your child for a time.  They will be financially responsible for your child and probably become very attached.  

Please be aware that your child will become attached to the people who are there every day from the beginning of her life--giving them up and being taken away from them can be a deep loss for young children.  

Try to think about what is BEST  for the long-term interests of your child--- not how you can work things out to get the things YOU want.

Answer 4

No, she can't.

Answer 5

once adopted then thats it theres no gettin her babe back in this case it would b called a foster home they find a temp home until the mother can prove fit and ready 2 get her babe back but this would be very hard on the babe 2 be leavin wit 1 family then taken away 2 b with another.

Answer 6

she may be able to get a few months or years in temp foster care....

she may also be able to find a realtive who would parent...

but if she selects adoption, adoption is pretty much a final thing now a days

Answer 7

yeah.  adoption is permanent.  but there's foster care, guardianship, and group homes.  if a mother goes through one of these routes she can get the child back when she's more stable.

Answer 8

No offense, but you must not have children.  My 2 year old child would be devastated to be taken from my home and placed with a total stranger.

Not only that, but I know from my own family that even in the best of circumstances, the type of disruption you propose is very hard on the child.  I am speaking of my mother, born in 1948 to a 16 year old, raised off and on by her grandparents and mother when she felt like it.  My mom had a horrible relationship with her mother as a result and it affects my family and especially my sisters to this very day.

Answer 9

Hi Mobyup,

I'm glad you brought this up because it highlights an important fact that is glossed over by the adoption industry.  Most situations are temporary!

Adoption, on the other hand, is permanent.  That makes a case for not resorting to adoption just because the parents are young or poor.  Most parents in other parts of the world have far fewer assets than Americans, and they manage to raise their children just fine.  Situations change, and you are right.  They will not always be young or poor, yet if they relinquish their children, they will never get them back.  That's something to think long & hard about before relinquishing your child.  Most parents who do that live to regret it.

More needs to be done to encourage and support parents who love their children and need help in the beginning.  Many are not fully aware of the programs designed to help them keep their families together and how to access those services.

Adoption is for children who do not have parents or other family members who can take care of them.  It is also for children who's natural families, due to serious issues, have failed to meet the court-ordered goals in order to have their children returned to their care.

You also asked about foster care.  I do not recommend parents putting their children in foster care unless they have those serious issues such as drug addiction or abuse, and there are no other possible options.  It is difficult to regain custody of your child once they are in the system, and others will be wanting to adopt them from foster care, particularly if the baby happens to be healthy & white.  Parents who know they want to eventually parent would be better served by utilizing community resources and their extended family members before considering foster care.  Foster care is generally an involuntary service where intervention has occured to protect the child's safety.  It is not logical to voluntarily put your child into foster care if your goal is to raise your own child, not to mention the effects it can have on the child.  Thanks for bringing this up.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 10

im pretty sure once you give that child up for adoption its gone for ever....my friend had a baby when she was 16 and could not know his real name that his new parents gave him she could only get a picture once a yr.... she could not know where or what state the baby lived in...

Answer 11

She may be able to find someone to agree to be the legal guardian of the child then terminate that agreement in the future. However I don't believe foster care would work in this situation. It isn't just a parking lot for kids whose parents need time. It is for children who are abused and/or neglected and whose parents are capable of caring for them. Services are usually provided for a period of time to help the family reunite, but I know in California they try to do it within one year - so kids don't get stuck in foster care. If the parents aren't able to get the child back, their rights are terminated. you can't just put your child in foster care then later say "ok, I'm ready to be a parent now".

Answer 12

With every adoption there is a "grace" period afterwards for the first parent to change their minds, after that the decision is spose to be final.

I've often read on here about the grace period being sadistically short, parents within that grace period changing their minds and being put through the wringer trying to get their child back, and parents (usually fathers) that wern't even made aware that they had become fathers.

Answer 13

If the child is adopted, then the adoption is considered permanent.  It can be reversed, but there must be good cause (i.e. the adoptive parents are unable to care for the child).

However, there are cases when other family, friends, or others are given guardianship of a child.  It is basically fostercare and so is understood as temporary from the start and is designed to give the birth parent a chance to 'get their act together'.

Edit - There is 'foster care' and there is guardianship.  Fostercare is something managed by the state.  In many cases, foster care is with a member of the extended family of the child.  However, it is also possible for a parent to give guardianship to another person with only minimal contact with the foster care system.

Answer 14

Do you really think that it is fair for a child to be placed in limbo indefinately while their parent tries to grow up and get their life together? Once a child is placed with a family and bonds with them, it is very traumatic for them to be removed! That's really not fair for the child. Who's best intrest would be served? The child or their birthmother?