Question #2: What are some good tactics to use for my 12 year old son whose grades are quite low?

Question

My 12 year old son is in 6th grade and is not doing well in math and reading - he is getting tutoring for both and is still struggling. I know he is capable of doing better so how can I get him to take his education more seriously with having to stay on him 24/7 to do his work, etc. I'm juggling this as well as trying to make him feel that I do trust him. I want to give him more freedom to make his own decisions but I don't want him to not take school seriously.

Answer 1

I have a 14 yr old...

First let me say, every child is different, and not all are able to learn the same way. You'll have to find something that works for your child, you know him best.

Here is what I do...

My son used to be just so unorganized and I can't function unorganized, lol... but his unorganization was beginning to cause him some issues. He would do his homework but it would sometimes get lost in the black hole of a backpack he had. I went to Target and bought him a accordian style file folder. We organized it according to subject - homework, tests, graded work. It works wonders for us. He feels much better being organized and can now find everything. His back pack is no longer a black hole. :)

Ok now, for his school work... I try to sit down with him myself and am there in case he has a question, or sometimes (especially now that he is getting older) I learn along with him. I have sort of gone back to school, lol. It's great for both of us. This helps me be able to continue to follow along with his schooling and I even learn new things!! When I was in school I was HORRIBLE at math, I could only do basic math, anything else I couldn't do to save my life... he actually is a better teacher than I ever had! Right now he has taught me how to do algebra and geometry!! Sometimes I have to have him go over and over it for me, but he is patient with me and I usually end up catching on!! When he has issues I am right there to help him also, it works both ways, it's wonderful! This also helps me see if he may be having problems with something.

Basically, I can continue to follow with what he is learning, help him if he needs it, and help him study for tests. We have always been close, but this just gives us another connection as well.

Now, I do have 2 other children (ages 6 yrs and 16 months) so sometimes I may not have the chance to sit down with him and learn... but I always make sure he shows me what he has done... this is NOT because I just want to make sure he did everything, but because I don't want to miss anything. I enjoying helping him but he also feels important and enjoys teaching me too. We study for tests together, ect.

I do NOT do ANY of his work for him, I let him do it himself. I am avail for questions or issues he might have and like I said sometimes learn right along with him.

When people become parents, at first they are all about that baby and those early years, Then comes elementary, which there is still parent involvement, BUT by the time a child enters junior high or high school there is little or no parent involvement, and suddenly parents are left wondering why they are not close to their child anymore, or what happened.

Teens are the forgotten age group. They still need our guidance, involvement, understanding, unconditional love, ect. They go through all kinds of new unfamiliar emotions and new situations, not to mention what their bodies are going through, all the insecurities, ect. As parents it's our responsibility to guide them and give them the tools to be able to survive on their own one day.

At home, with our son, we include him in ALL important family decisions (even the not so important decisions). We ask him for his input and how he feels about whatever it is. This also keeps him connected with the family because he feels we value his opinion. (which we completely do) Sometimes he even brings up good points that we may not have thought of.

I also pick and choose my battles with him. He is a great kid, and really doesn't ask for too much and I am quite understanding. He does well in school and I do trust both in him and also my parenting skills. If he asks to do something or whatever it is, I take his input and feelings into account and consider it. I give him leeway because he DOES do good in school and is a good kid.

I talk with him frequently about everything, and am honest about my past when he asks. I am honest with him in general as I expect the same from him. If he messes up, I don't get mad, instead we discuss the issue and I help guide him on how to handle situation or how to fix the problem, or even perhaps different suggestions about how to handle such situations in the future.

Recently we have been letting him go over our finances with us. I've been teaching him how to handle money. We have already instilled the value of a dollar with him, but I want him to see how much everything costs and how we budget. I want to make sure that when he is ready to go off on his own he is prepared and know how to handle his own finances.

Our son has already decided on his future. He wants to be a video game designer. He has taken it upon himself to look through colleges already and see which one offers what and what classes he should currently be taking, ect. We've just started looking at scholarships and grants, just so when it's time we will be well informed and ready. I have told him no matter what he decides to do, I am VERY proud of him and will support him 100% in whatever he decides.

I basically do the same thing with my 6 year old, but he is a completely different kid. My 6 yr old is more of a hands on learner. So if we are doing math for example, I might stop with the homework and have him help me make cookies or something. He will count out the ingredients or help measure it. It helps him visualize it better and I still stay connected with him as well.

Sometimes we just have to be creative. I also have a 16 month old daughter, when I am teaching her I get right down to her level and talk to her not at her.

Just like babies and toddlers, we teach them how to speak, walk, ect... we also have to continue to teach our children when they become teens. (sometimes they even end up teaching us!) I think teens still need us very much, but in completely different ways!! I am continuing to learn through my kids and I love and cherish every moment!!! I have never been a parent before and they have never been teens before, we both might mess up here and there, but admitting to your mistakes and taking responsibility shows that we are all human and everyone is still learning.

My 14 year old is an all A & B student. As a matter of fact this semester we have a deal that if he comes home with all A's, we will immediately fork over $100 that he can do what he pleases with. We do not reward for grades often, but I felt giving him a goal for the end of the year might be good. I wanted to try teaching him that if there is a goal in sight it is good to work towards it. I want to teach him to look towards the future, plan and not just live for the moment. So far so good... knock on wood. But again as a parent I am still learning what works and what doesn't myself.

My kids are my little miracles, each of them! And even as they grow, I look and learn from each stage. Keep an open mind, listen, talk, love, guide, respect, and cherish them! It all flys by way to quickly!

Good luck, I'm sure you will find something that works for both you and your son!! :)

Answer 2

bribe him...offer him rewards or treats for getting good grades :]

Answer 3

I'd try as much as I could to make learning fun for him. There's a ton of ways you could do this. Lots of positive reinforcement and rewards seems to help.

I see commercials for the Huntington Learning Center. They have a bunch of locations everywhere, if you are serious about getting him tutoring help and don't mind spending a little money.

Stay positive! Make learning fun. He'll follow your lead.

Answer 4

We have had to take everything away from my fiances daughter who is 13 she is bringing home very low grades, so we told her for each grade that raises to the level it is supposed to be she gets one thing back untill that happens she lost all electronics, cell phone, friends, going to skateboard park, anything that interests them just remeber it is easy to make grades horrible it is alot harder to bring them back up, nip this in the bud now before he goes to junior high or is 6th grade the first year of jr high in your area that could be part of the problem

Answer 5

The more we parents give, the less response we get. My daughter went thru that stage between the ages of 11-13....now she is 18 and an honor student.

What I did, was TAKE all electronics, tv, playstations, computer and anything that was distracting. Friends and phone calls and social life were limited. Yeah whatever on the 'other parents do or don't do" You can take that money for tutoring and go get a massage...

If you enable him, (now if he is a special needs thats different) But your words...that he is not taking schooling seriously,  shows that he is able, sounds like laziness to me and the I dont care.

Find what he cares about and take it away, FOR AN ENTIRE SEMESTER...and dont go limp...I bet his grades will jump and he may be mad, but who cares.....this is his future we are talking about....

Answer 6

Make sure that your son does not have a learning disability.  Sometimes, ADHD can make it hard to stay focused.  My son had some learning difficulties and teachers initially thought he was refusing to do what they asked of him , when actually, he was not understood.  After testing, it all made sense and we understood how to help him better.

If your child doesn't have these type of issues, then I think it would work best to make him WANT to succeed.  There are some good responses on here already.  Make learning positive and fun and after he does his work, reward him by allowing him TV or computer games, etc.--even if you don't think TV or computer gaming is that good, it's better to just focus on your son wanting to get something done that needs to be done so that he can get to his goal of spending time in what he finds fun and relaxing.  

By your son seeing a reward that comes right after the homework gets done, he will stay more focused and work hard.  

Also, for a good test grade, praise him and perhaps reward him in some small way.  Too big rewards will  probably make him feel that he's doing it for you and I think it is important for him to want to make good grades for himself.

Tell him if he makes an A in a class, he will get (EXample:  $50.00 cash_)--it would be worth it to not have to nag him and help him develop good study habits to accomplish that.

Take baby steps if math is hard for him.  Work a few problems, then let him take a break.  Sometimes, if you do a little at a time, it sinks in better.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You said he is struggling, but that you know he can do better.  How do you know he can do better?  Is he struggling with organization (normal at this age), attention (is he ADD?), or does he just not care?  He is 12, so he cannot really see that his current choices can affect his future.  If he is ADD, then he may not be capable of staying on task and maintaining interest and organization.  That is not his fault and punishing him will do nothing except make him stop trying.  Have you considered he may have a learning disability?  Many kids are not diagnosed with dyslexia until they are older.

If he is just rebellious, and you have ruled everything else out, call the school counselor and set up a plan where he writes down his assignments, the teachers sign off on them (and jot down anything else you need to know), then you sign off on them after they are done.  This is a common practice in middle school for kids who need help getting on track.  I would also tell him that he can only have his privileges AFTER homework is done and checked by you.  You might also talk to his teachers about him and see what their opinion is.  They often have more insight into the kids than we do at this age because they work with all different kids and can tell what falls into the "normal" range.

Good luck!  These are all things we did with our son and he is finally pretty much on track.

Answer 8

Time for some tough love and butt whipping--it's the only thing that will set the boy straight.

Answer 9

some kids just need an extra push to do the work, try a rewards chart on your fridge, for every A or B he gets so many check marks, after so many earned take him to six flags, a water park, have a friend over for the night, or the mall and buy him something. he might just need something to look forward too. worked on my little sister.