Question About Swing Dancing Etiquette?

Question

What do you do if you are social dancing and someone places their hand somewhere you're not comfortable with? I don't mean down right groping you, more like if the lead has his hand on your on your lower back rather than between your shoulder blades.

What about if someone is dancing closer than you would like (in blues or something)? Or if someone gropes you in a way that is probably accidental?

I'm kind of shy and I don't like accusng people of things and don't feel comfortable with talking about anything relating to s*x a lot of people. What are some things that I could say or do that would help in these situations, that wouldn't be too frank.

Answer 1

I maintain a proper frame, if possible, to ensure that we're at a comfortable distance.  If someone is in improper frame (hand should be on shoulder blade), I reach back and put their hand  where it should be.  If no time to do that, then I tell them, "Shoulder blade, please - lower back hurts."  This way, it doesn't look like you're giving a directive, plus it's true that I've been hurt in the past that way.

I agree to let an "accidental" touch slide.  But if it becomes obvious, then don't hesitate to move their hand to where it belongs.  If you don't stand up for yourself, they may think it's okay otherwise.

Answer 2

Gently and politely ask if they could move back a few inches or move their hand up and away from the area you don't want them touching. If it persists, tell them that you no longer feel comfortable dancing with them and walk away to an area that feels safe. I usually retreat to the ladies' room, but if you have a group of friends you can sit with, that's even better.

Answer 3

Step back a bit could you and you're getting a little too low.

Answer 4

There is nothing wrong with asking someone to put their hand on your shoulder blade...at the very least, when it is there, they have their hand where they are pulling on your shoulder, not your back.  Yanking on someone's lower back if you have to stop suddenly can injure them.

   As far as 'accidental' touching of parts you don't want touched...if you think it is an accident, ignore it.  It happens...if you think it happens too often to be accidental, or because they don't know how to avoid doing it, or won't try to avoid it, avoid them by saying no to a dance.