Question about 4 year old not being able to hold her bladder

Question

My step daughter has been potty trained for over a year and has done well. She recently went to New York with her grandma (who she lives with), and her mother went to New York to get her. She stayed with her mother for 4 days, which is the longest time she has spent with her mother in a very long time. We got her back and now every time she has to go to the bathroom she goes on herself a little bit before letting us know she even has to go. She has done this every time she had to go to the bathroom today. Tonight after sending her to bed my husband found her in the bathroom trying to "dry" her underwear with toilet paper so we wouldn't be upset. At this point I don't know what to do. I am very seriously worried about her. We have NEVER had this problem with her before and I don't know if this is medical or mental. Does anyone have any suggestions on how we can handle this and do we need to get her to a doctor. We have tried letting her know it was okay and an accident, we have put her in time out, but now we are worried it is something more and we are making the situation worse with your reaction.

Answer 1

Firstly, could it be that her mother did not help her by reminding her to use the restroom?  This could have started the first day she was with her mother... the stress could have caused her to "forget" to go until it was too late, and if her mother hasn't been around her, she may not have thought to ask the poor girl if she needed to pee.

My niece is 3 and I had her for a week last summer when she was 2 and had been potty trained for 6 months.  She had two accidents while she was here, but they were my fault because I didn't ask her if she needed to potty.

Talk to her, and ask her if she was upset to be with her mommy.  Tell her that anything she says is ok and no one will know and it's private.  Ask her if she wants you to help her by reminding her to go potty, get her involved.

At any rate, every hour or two, ask her if she needs to go potty.  She is in a rut... keeps doing the same thing over and doesn't know how to stop.  If you remind her to potty, she'll stop doing it in her underwear, and will feel more able to control herself because the repetition would have stopped.  Don't punish her, as it's probably caused by stress.

Answer 2

The only thing I can think of is when she was with her mother, her mother was being negative towards her, and yelled at her for telling her she had to go potty... That or her other didn't let her go and she had to go in pull ups... You never know what could be going on when you're not around!

Answer 3

It's probably from the break in her routine with going away with grandma and coming back with mom. But, I would take her to the pediatrician to rule out any bladder urinary infections. If every thing checks out, then just give her some time. Maybe mom used pull ups becasue she didn't want to deal with taking a toddler to the potty, it can be a chore sometimes. Tell her you know she is trying to get to the potty on time and all she has to do is ask for help.

Answer 4

My daughter has a problem similar to this every time she comes home from Granny's house.  I believe it has to do with everyone having a different way of enforcing rules such as potty rules.  Unless she's showing signs of other problems, I wouldn't worry too much.  Just continue with your normal potty routine & she'll get back to normal soon enough.

Answer 5

Small children shouldn't be placed unto underwear until they are completely potty trained (that means no accidents).  All I can suggest is that now you place those "pullups" or whatever they call them on the poor child.  Putting her in time out for something that isn't in her control isn't letting her know it was okay.  That is telling her that it's not okay and that you are angry that she is having them.  I feel sorry for that little girl.

Answer 6

This happened with our daughter when she was 4, too. It turned out to be a bladder infection. I would take her to the doctor just to rule out bladder or urinary infection. I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet about anything else until you take her to a doctor.

Answer 7

Talk to the doctor.  It''s possible she has a bladder infection.