Question about adopting my fiance's sons?

Question

My fiance and I just got engaged last week. He has two sons who are 3 and 5. Their mother walked out when the youngest was 4 months old because she found a new man and she signed all her rights over to my fiance and has since gone on to remarry and have two new children. She hasn't even called to wish a happy birthday since she left. I came into the picture when the youngest was about 8 months old and the oldest was two. They both think of me as their mother the three year old doesn't even know who his mother is, when we were moving into our new house we came across my fiance's old wedding album in the attic and the 3 year old was like who is that? His brother told him that it was their mom and he said no it's not that I was. Anyway my fiance and I have started talking about me adopting them since we will be married. We have an appointment with a lawyer next week, but I just kind of wanted to get an idea of what the whole process was like. Thanks!

Answer 1

Wait until you are married and then it will just be a formality.  Some papers to sign in front of a judge and then you can all go out and celebrate.  It will be more complicated if you try to adopt them before you're married.

Answer 2

it will be really easier after you are married.depending on what state you live in you just have to sign papers and in some states it will cost a little money to adopt.ask the lawyer the process from your state

Answer 3

I married a man with a child and I had a child going into this marriage. There is no 80% failure rate. The bottom line is what type of attachment do you and the children have together. Although you may not be their birth mother, as long as you think of them as your children and they think of you as their mother, then that's that. My son was 6 when I married my husband and although his birth father is in and out of the picture you cannot tell my husband or my son that they are not related, It's as if he were born to him. If we were to split today it would not make a difference. It's what's in the heart, not the blood that matters. The birth mother has nor rights, and the kids don't want her so you're in the clear. Enjoy YOUR children.

Answer 4

A marriage where one or more people have prior children has an 80% failure rate.

I think you should wait a year into marriage to make sure the marriage will work before you subject these children to more confusion, and the possible loss of another 'mother'.

She may be out of the picture now, but she could come back at anytime, and they will ALWAYS pine for HER.

Also, should you divorce, you will be responsible for them financially until they are out of college.  We're probably talking a million dollars before it's over--for someone else's children.  Something to think about...

ETA: Taryn, The failure rate is a FACT, not an opinion.  Marriages without kids involved have a 50% failure rate.  But hey, this guy has found someone to cook, clean, take care of his kids, and share a bed with!  Not bad.