Question about adoption, for all people wanting to adopt kids?

Question

How are you going to go through your lives, parenting somebody elses child? I respect what you're doing and everything, but don't people realise that that child will never actually be 'yours'? I just don't think some people understand sometimes, because they talk about 'my' child and stuff, and I have to think, if you want a child of your own, why don't you have one of your own? I only mean people who adopt instead of getting prego, not people who can't get prego.

Answer 1

I’m afraid that you’re the one that doesn’t understand Sasha. There is far more to being a parent then just passing on genetic makeup.  Anyone who adopts a child, that child is THEIR’s in every single way except genetically.  Adopted parents are not parenting someone else’s child they are parenting THEIR Child.  

I know people who have adopted and  have natural kids they will all tell you they love all their children equally. That they don’t love their biological children more over the ones that are adopted.  

People don’t judge folk who only want to have biological children so why judge someone who wants to just have adopted children even if they can have natural ones. There are people that having a natural child it does not matter to them, and they would rather give a home to one of the many many children that need one , instead of adding to our already over populated world.  They know that Love is the most important thing to have.

Answer 2

Are you for real?

Do you not realize the tremendous abundance of reasons for adoption?

Have you ever loved someone so much that you consider them family even though you have different dna strands?

I commend people for adopting, and I hope to one day when I am ready to have a family.  Why in the world should we not create loving families and PARENTS with the beautiful children already on this earth who do not have anyone to take care of, nurture, love, and guide them?

Adoption is in my opinion much more selfless than having plenty of biological children because you are finding it within your heart to love humankind so much that you choose to take on the responsibility of a life even if it doesn't look like you or will pass on your genes.

Aside from the fact that our world is incredibly over populated to begin with.

In many other cultures and across time adoption has existed and for centuries women and men have shown their compassion and ability to love and protect all children, not just the ones that came from their egg and sperm.

Moses?

In Hawaiian culture, hanai...

List goes on.

I really hope your question was a joke.

Answer 3

If a child is meant to be "yours," it doesn't matter whether it actually comes from your body or not...this is not what makes you a parent...LOVING, providing for, and educating him/her does. I have a biological son and I love him for who he is, not for coming out of my body. My love for him also grows over time, as it would if he had been born to another woman.  It's too bad a lot of people think they can't love someone because they haven't come out of their bodies...really stupid and sad for the millions of kids out there just wanting to be loved. My next kids will be adopted.

Answer 4

You HAVE to be, like, 12 or something to have such a narrow and naive attitude.

You are OBVIOUSLY not a mother!  If you were, you would know what you are talking about.

So, why come on this site, which is dedicated to adoption, and sling such negativity?  Keep your ignorant, negative, immature, narrow minded, prejudiced, unmotherly thoughts to yourself.

And when you grow up, and know what it really means to be a mother, remember the time you posted this stupid question which may have discouraged a birthmother from placing a baby she was not able to parent, or a couple from adopting the baby of their dreams!

Shame on you.

Answer 5

All I can say, is that I hope people meet you with more understanding than you have given us as adoptive parents. Good thing Joesph didn't think that about Jesus.

Answer 6

We had two biological sons...and then adopted two daughters internationally.  We also foster parent.

I don't understand your question really because the girls are every bit as much "ours" as the boys are.  They are legally, emotionally and relationally ours.  Two of the foster kids we've had in our home are even "ours" even though it's not a legal relationship.  

When one of my daughters comes and snuggles up on my lap in the morning before school, there's no difference in the feeling in my heart than when it's one of my sons.  When I make them a meal or buy something for them "just because I love them" and anticipate seeing their faces...there's no difference.  When they get sick and need some extra TLC, there's no difference.  When they need discipline, there's no difference.

Our sons look very much like us.  Two of our foster children have looked like us.  Our daughters don't look like us at all (transracial adoption).  That doesn't matter in the least to any of us.

I'd lay my life on the line for any of our kids.  They're very much MY kids.  I'd advocate for them in any way they needed, I'd take a bullet for them, I'd walk to the ends of the earth if they needed me to.  It doesn't matter if they were born of my womb or born of my heart.

My story, btw, is that I had two biological sons, we got my tubes tied because we knew that if we wanted to grow our family that adoption would be the route we'd go to do it.  We knew that there were kids in the world who didn't have a mama or daddy...and needed one...and why should we bring more children into the world when we could give a family to one that was already born and in need.

Answer 7

There are so many children that need good homes. My husband and I adopted a little that was 5. I tried having children,but no luck. 1 miscarriage,1 ectopic(in tube). We really wanted to be parents and our little girl needed good parents.

       She is now 24 and we have 2 wonderful grandchildren. I am so blessed to become a mother, and now a grandmother.

        No, I didn't carry her for nine months,but she is my daughter. We went through everything birth parents go through,except for the first 5 years. yes, we missed alot but we made up for it. Iam very proud to be her Mother!

Answer 8

There are children out there who have had horrendous things done to them, and are not safe with biological parents.  I've fostered over 43 of these wonderful children, and have adopted 6.  I didn't go out looking to adopt, but when their parents' rights were terminated we already loved them, so we adopted them.  We acknowledge that they have birth parents, and we talk about them whenever the children feel the need to.  We have pictures, and keep in contact with birth families through cards and letters, and with one of the families through occassional visits.

Just because "my" children have a biological family also, they are still "my" children - legally and in my heart.  Respecting the birth family and the different cultures is all part of the deal, and we honor both.

What would have happened if no one adopted these children?  They couldn't go "home" because "home" meant being beaten, abused, neglected.  What do you suggest we do with these children?  They are a very important part of our family and, if I could have prevented the abuse and neglect so these children would have had a great life with their birth parents, then I would have been happy to have them go back to them.  Unfortunately, you wouldn't believe all the stories about abuse and neglect - in USA and other countries.  These children would live in orphanages, or be living on the streets if SOMEBODY didn't adopt them.  Then they would be stealing food, money, and live off your hard-earned tax dollars on welfare or in prison instead of growing up in our or someone else's loving home, going to college, getting a good job, and contributing to those taxes!

Adoption, when going into it with both eyes open, is a great way to add to a happy family.

Answer 9

Adoption is another way to form a family. We adopted our daughter at birth and she IS my child. Just ask her.

Answer 10

mother is biological; being a mom is for life...that is some pretty narrow-minded thinking my friend! Pretty sad to know people like you are out there in the world!!!

Answer 11

This makes me so sad to think that there are people out there who really believe this nonsense. And the fact that your offspring will more than likely feel the same way. I have two bio. daughters and seven adopted children (and 3 adopted grand children and two bio. granchildren) that all ARE my children and grandchildren. Actually, I am happy that you feel this way so that no troubled or scarred children end up being parented by you. These children deserve stable loving homes and parents as all children do.

Answer 12

They child is theirs.  A parent is someone who loves and supports a child.  Would you call someone who abuses their child a mom or dad??  I wouldn't.  Most people who adopt either can't have children or just have compassion for all those children out there who will have have their own family.

Answer 13

Giving birth to a child is not the same as being a "parent".  Anyone can give birth but not everyone can parent, whether it is due to personal choices, difficult situations, or financial impact.  The reality is that I love my child unconditionally - whether I gave birth to him or not does not matter to me.  He is my son and no one will ever change that.

Answer 14

Adopted children are "yours", legally and emotionally.  My daughter is my daughter, and I am Mommy to her.  How dare you tell my child that her Mommy isn't a real Mommy.  It is people like you who do not understand the permanance of adoption.  The fact that the child has a history before the adoptive family and has a biological family that is also very real doesn't  make the adoptive family not real.  It is real and it is forever.  An adoptive parent isn't a babysitter, or a foster parent, or a guardian.  An adoptive family is a family period.  They go through their whole lives sharing the ups, downs, intimacy, shared experiences, etc. that make any family a family.

Answer 15

I was adopted. I grew up knowing my birth mother (my birth father is unknown). You are very mistaken in your thinking. I will tell you that I get angry when people refer to my birth mother as my "mom". The only parents I have adopted me when I was a baby. They are my parents....and I am their daughter. And seriously? If someone wants to adopt a child that wasn't wanted, or couldn't be taken care of...isn't that much better than adding another life into this already over populated world?

Answer 16

what is the point of your question? What are you trying to say? Are you trying to say that an adoptive family is not a real family but, it's the best that infertile people can get so it'll have to do? So if I adopted the child because I was infertile I can think of the child as ine and tell people he's mine but if I adopted him for some other reason then my right to call the kid "mine" is changed? Why? How?

Do you rent your home? Do you own it? In either case do you call it "your home?" Do you rent it because you can't afford to buy it or just because you choose to rent or is it none of anyone elses business? Why would it matter? It's your home whether you own it or you rent it or you think you own it but the bank actually owns it. If you think that someday you will actually own it perhaps you should think about that instead of whether or not my kids are actually mine or not because that's certainly none of your business.

Answer 17

We are all related, whether you believe we came from a divine source, or through evolution, we are related down the line.  Being a father or mother is about raising your child to their full potential. Being there for them no matter what. I plan to eventually adopt a baby girl from China in my 30s when I am financially stable, and yes, I will view her as my daughter and will love and guide her throughout her life just as if she was were biological daughter.

You know, talk to these adoptive children about their parents, and they have a habit of saying 'my parents.' Adopting a child is a planned choice, unlike many pregnancies, that requires the person devote their life largely to parenthood. I would say most adoptive parents have more of a right to call their children their own than probably half of the biological parents out there. Drug abusers, molestation, all these things are common in many households, and these people are not parents. Being a parent is about building a lifelong relationship with a child, not about sperm.

Why not have my own? Well, we already have over 6 billion people on this planet, far past peak quantity with the resources available to us. Nearly a third of the world population is starving as we speak, I don't think it is necessary to bring another life into this world for me to share the love I have with my future child.

Answer 18

people who adopt are taking children that the natural parents didn't want and are raising them in loving homes so they have a chance at a life.

Answer 19

Here you are again.  What wrong with you?  Why are you so uptight about people adopting?  To be honest, it's none of your business if people adopt.  There are many babies/children who are waiting to be adopted.  Why should adoption be limited to those who can't get pregnant?  

I disagree with you that the child will never be "mine".  Yes, it will, because I will love and care for it.  It will be a gift from God, so yes it will be mine.  I don't care what you think, anyway. You are pathetic.  

HAVE A SUNNY DAY!

Answer 20

That child may not be biologically yours, but always a part of life heart. You're giving a better life to a child. It doesn't matter if it's yours or not. The truth is the real parents either didn't want their child or gave the child up for a better life. A lot of people who adopt have children of their own, but why keep bringing children into the world while there's many children out there who need good homes and families?

You're saying how can you love someone who isn't in your family? If you love someone not related to you and you marry them, then you can love a child as your own.

Answer 21

some people can not get pregnet so they have to adopt there are lots of kids out there that need parents and there is some people that only want babyies i want a older child

Answer 22

You are a f*cking moron.

You can become a MOTHER without being pregnant.  Being pregnant does not define a mother.

What is your obsession anyway?

Answer 23

Are you on a crusade or something?  Are you that insecure with your own parenting choices (whatever they may be) that you need to inflict your nonsensical opinions on other people who are just getting on with their own lives?

Personally, I don't understand how a person like you could ever be a 'real' mother.