Question about adult relationships?

Question

OK, this is stupid but I'm going to ask it anway. I also know it's in the Marriage section but I don't get mature or good answers in the Singles and Dating section. Also, I hope that one day I will be married. Anyway....

I'm a single adult woman (26) and I am a bit passive in expressing my emotions and feelings to others. One day, my goal is to have the kind of man I can love and who is compatible for me. If I ever find this man, how in the world do I communicate my intentions- that is if he doesn't do it??

Most people have a hard time figuring me out. Sometimes I give off a cold vibe to others even when it is not my intention to do so but I can't help the way I am and many people are not understanding of that.

For example, I probably wouldn't outright tell him if I actually wanted a relationship. I would -not overtly- seem like I'm not interested too much. I don't know if this is wrong on my part but I've never been good at expressing and asserting myself in any kind of relationships. If my intention is to be with someone, should I tell him or just sit back passively?

Basically I'm asking should I tell him what I want or does that kind of agressiveness scare a man off?

Answer 1

fruit loop said it best

Answer 2

With any relationship it grows and in time you know if you want to be with each other. The right person you would be able to share a little more even if not all of it in time.  

Answer 3

You're worrying about something that hasn't happened.  If you don't like how you come across to people, make a change now.

Actually, I'm like you in many ways.  Often misunderstood or misread until the person gets to know me.  I understand that you're concerned that your Mr. Right won't take the time to get to know you.  When you meet him and find that you're attracted to him, I'm sure you'll send some signals.

Oddly enough, up until I met the man that would become my husband, I tried to be the woman that I thought the guys I were interested in would want.  When I met my future husband, I made a conscious decision to just relax and be me; he was going to discover the real me if we continued dating anyway.  Better for him to know what he's in for sooner rather than later.  

Much to my surprise, everything worked out well, although he still teases me about how hard I was to get to know.  I didn't intentionally put him through any test, but I knew for sure what his intentions were and that he was serious about me.  He's not sure what made him "put up with me" and my wall of defense, but he just knew that there was something there.

Answer 4

You can effectively communicate what you want in any relationship without being aggressive. Knowing and saying what you want is not a bad thing.I think most of us miss out on great relationships because we expect others to read our mind or we hope that they will somehow miraculously know what we want and give it to us. It's great that you are somewhat self aware and recognize that you sometimes give off a cold vibe..that's step one, step two is to try to modify that behaviour. Smile more or try to behave in a manner that people would react to you more warmly because it seems inside you are a nice person. Then if you find someone you are interested in, you can show them in little ways that you are interested...body language is a big way. Sitting back passively only gets you a lot to time by yourself.  Go get him!!