Question about an unruly 14 year old?

Question

I have a 14 year old daughter who flat out tells me no to things that I tell her to do and I don't know what to do.....It totaly shocks me that she does this and it infuriates me like nothing else.....I am at my witts end.....and I am going through a nasty court battle with my ex so I have to be careful what I do as far as getting anyone involved in the situation with her because I don't want to lose custody of my 4 year old daughter...So,it's a big ole mess....

Answer 1

take away her cell phone!!! lol

no matter what you do she still is going to be annoying to you though unfortunately

Answer 2

Sounds like she is acting out over the court battle to me.  Is the ex her father?  14 year olds dont have a great grip on reality and the whole world revolves around them and what they want try talking to her calmly and rationally without the screaming matches and telling her what to do's.  Is there a family member that she can hang out with or something

Answer 3

She is doing it to get a reaction out of you, and she is probably also doing it because she knows that you are in a tricky situation and she can get away with it. Take away some privileges, she won't like it  but you have to get contol back.

Answer 4

What is it about puberty that shocks you?  Didn't YOU go through it?  First of all I don't consider a 14 year old to be a "grade schooler", she's a teen, be that as it may...have you ever sat down and talked TO your daughter rather than spout orders at her of what she should do?  Have you ever actually LISTENED to your daughter or do you simply give her orders and then yell at her when she doesn't follow them?  As far as the court battle...That shouldn't enter into your relationship with your daughter.  She has nothing to do with your marriage/divorce other than child support and/or custody goes...what goes on between you and your soon to be ex husband should be between the two of your and not your children.  You may not want to lose custody of your 4 year old but you're running pretty damned close to your 14 year old requesting to live elsewhere.

Answer 5

She's probably hitting puberty.

My biggest advice is punish her. It's probably the only way. Show her you are the mother. Shes pushing your buttons to find out your weaknesses. You need to just try talking to her, and if that doesnt work, then show her yo are the one in charge.

I hope that helps.

Answer 6

Trust me, all 14 year olds are like that.

Answer 7

start taking away some of her privliges.  take away the computer, her T.V., her phone, etc.

Answer 8

Let's see.  She's 14, which means she's trying to be independent, show she's different than you, and discover who she really is.  Everything is up for debate, scrutiny and independent action.

Her world is out of control and upside down due to parents divorce and court battles.  The only thing she can do is take back some control ...anything.

I suggest you stop the demands and be open to negoiation and dialogue.  Her feelings need to be heard, understood and appreciated.  Now that she's a teen, natural consequences and rewards will be more effective.

Good luck, its a very tough situation.