Question about father of my children and my mother.?

Question

I split up with the father of my children 7 months ago. My girls are 9 months old (twins). There was alot of verbal abuse and threats of taking the girls away from me. So under my social workers advice I left him. He made a visit to my house this afternoon to see his girls. I let him. He was very polite and he has stated that he wants to see his girls more often. My mum hates him because of what he has done to me. So she was a little bit upset when I told her he wants more access. I told her he has a right to see his kids and she said he has done nothing for them, which is true because he has not bought anything for his girls, not even nappys. I want my girls to know there father. My mum has a bad temper and I am scared she will have an outburst in front of my girls when the father comes to visit. I have told my mother numerous times that she has a temper problem. The thing is I want my girls to live in an environment where there is no one fighting and yelling at each other. I left the father because of his verbal attacks at me so I don't need my mother doing the same. Both him and my mother have anger issues and they both think they are right, so which means my girls and I suffer. I live with my mother but I will be moving into public housing once I get approved ( goodness knows how long that will be) how should I approach this?

Answer 1

If he wants visitation, he should be paying support.  Take him to court and get a support order established, visitation as well.  Understand that your mom just wants what's best for you and your girls, and she may be concerned that he will try to take the babies and run.

Answer 2

so you have gone from one abusive relationship to another.. from the father of you children to your mother..

You best best is to move, as soon as you can..

even tho it might be a bad thing. I might lie to my mother..have her not know that  the father is seeing the girls.. I know that sounds bad and will make him out to be evil but until you are in your own place sometimes you have to do the things you have to do to keep the peace..

Do you have a car.?  agree to meet the father at a different place then at your mothers.  try not having them in the same place at the same time.

Answer 3

First of all, if your ex wants the right to see his children, he should be paying child support, so I'd get that established first. Second, I'd sit down with your mum and tell her that you think it's in your children's best interests to have their father in their lives, as long as he behaves himself. Tell her that you realize she's concerned and that you appreciate her concern. But, this is YOUR family, and you're trying to do the right thing by allowing your girls to have regular contact with their dad. Tell her that if she can't treat him civilly, that you'll just have to meet somewhere away from the house. After all, it is her home, so she does have the right to say who comes into her home. Yes, it's true what she says. He hasn't spent a penny on supporting his girls, so in her eyes, he's worthless as a father. She needs to know that you are not going to allow him to hurt her grand-babies, and that you'll not allow yourself to be suckered into taking the jerk back, unless he totally turns his life around, after getting some help with his anger issues. If you need to, let her know that if she can't control herself in front of your girls, you'll have to limit her exposure to them after you move. That should get her to thinking more about the future than about what's happening now. Being a grandma myself, I'd never risk not seeing my grand-babies less than I do now, especially if it was because of something I was doing. Sometimes you just have to pull "the grand-baby" card to get her to sit up and listen. Yes, this is a tough situation, but she's not making it any easier on you. You are an adult now (I'm assuming), and you have your own family to put first. She has to back off and let you parent your children. She hasn't realized that her role as your mother has changed, and she can no longer order you to do things her way. All she can do now is tell you to leave her home, or to ask you if you want her advice. It gets difficult for us parents to change modes, from parent to advisor. We still see our kids as kids, and forget that we're talking to an adult (even though that "adult" sometimes doesn't act like it). This is what she's going through now, so consider this when you're telling her how you're going to raise your girls. Once you're on your own, you'll be in a better situation to control who sees your kids, and how often. And as for the father, well he needs help before he can be alone with your girls. And he needs to pay support for them. It's his duty to do so. Talk to your social worker about these things and take appropriate action. Your girls deserve it. <*)))><

Answer 4

your right your girls should see their dad. but you should move out of your mom's home or she will continue to think she has a right to tell you how to raise your girls. make some sacrifice and move out, OK? in the meanwhile make visitation out of the house meet at the park, go for some mcdonalds, whatever. If your mom doesn't want their dad in her house it is her right.

Answer 5

its great that the father wants to see his kids more but go slow leave it a one day or watever it is for a few weeks than gradually increase.