Question about my fiancee?

Question

everything has been going good up until the point of talking about the wedding. She's chinese, i'm american. we had a date set then all of a sudden it changed because her family consulted a psychic and said it has to be another month. then she told me "i want a beach wedding. i won't take second best. I'm counting on you to plan it all out. Don't let me down" at that point i had had enough. I said psychics and people demanding this and that from me, the wedding is off until i feel i'm in control of my own life and not psychics or someone that is suppose to love me demanding i do this or that. think i was right in doing that? i just felt pressured and we didn't talk about anything just demands and other psychics planning everything.

Answer 1

you failed communication 101, so yeah because you dont know eachother, eachothers views, opinions, belifs etc...and this would majorly crashed and burned the wedding

you have to realise that yes your rigth in your view, absoloutly, however she aint wrong, she come from another culture, and this is important to her like it would be if your say jew to break a glass

its tradition and culture so to her its not hokus pokus, its something she is grown up in, and probably do mather to her

but these are things both of you should been aware of through knowing eachother before planing the wedding

i sugest you go to couples counceling to see if you can salvage your relationship and learn to know eachother, eachothers expectations, opinions, belifs and values

and not just for now but the future as well, how will your different cultures and/or religion affect your day to day life, vacations and holidays to be celebrated posible with family, how will it affect the way you plan to raise your kids? These are important questions

as for other coments...remember different society's different tradition its the American tradition for the bride to do everything, this woman is Chinese

I asked an asian friend of me and he say its both families, and also that chinese women are 'bossy' per norm so didnt seem he was surprised at this.

here is a page i found on this

http://www.chcp.org/wedding.html#prepara...

i highely sugest that you seek help, the two of you obviously are both affected by the culture you grown up and these are important to you, it dont make this marriage imposible, but it do mean its something you both need to work on taking into consideration to compromise between two different cultures

if you cant (and for heavens sake make sure you talk about kid raising now as well), then you seriously need to reconsider this union

Answer 2

Youre right, you should be in control of your wedding. Really, no one should be planning it except you and her, alone. Eliminate all other interests.

Answer 3

wow , a bridezilla who dosent want control?!?    You should talk to her , without getting upset over it.  Maybe she's a little nervous , or maybe she feel like she can't do it herself.   As for the psychic thing?  thats odd , I understand that different cultures have their own things , but Its your wedding day too , you really must talk to her.

Answer 4

In addition to the other suggestions, remind her that it is traditionally the bride's responsibility to do the planning but that you have a right to give input.

Answer 5

if you're going to be getting married, sharing your life with someone, and starting a family, you're not going to be independently "in control of your own life" anymore... thats just a fact

you should sit down with her and both discuss what your expectations are for the wedding.. if you cant communicate with each other, then this union isnt going to go very well...

Answer 6

Hey, you guys love each other, the stress of an impending wedding and the costs associated could be the cause of the tension. Talk things out. Let her know your concerns and that this wedding is about you two as a couple, not just her ideals and fantasies. I don't think you should have called the wedding off, because it sounds like you still want to marry her but you guys are just letting the pressure get to you. Try to remedy the situation by letting her know that what is important is your togetherness not just one day (the wedding). Hope that helps!

Answer 7

You have to understand that certain cultures have different beliefs, etc. Going to a psychic and consulting them about a date may seem odd to you - but in other parts of the world this is something that is seen as completely normal.

What isn't normal is your fiance placing all those demands on you. That is not how you should go about planning a wedding. She should have just as much responsibility in planning the wedding as you do...in fact, I'm surprised that she wanted you to plan it. Most brides want to be involved with every detail.

I would sit down and have a serious talk with her about your marriage...not your wedding, your marriage! A wedding is one day - the marriage should be forever. I think a lot of people lose sight of that in the midst of all the planning.

Either way, if you don't feel comfortable with the wedding then you were justified in calling things off for now. Until you can both see eye to eye on the wedding I would keep hold off...

Answer 8

I suggest marriage counseling if she wants to continue in the relationship.  If she is allowing her cultures trust in psychics dictate things with the wedding, then they will also become a part of your marriage.  If you can not deal with that, then she is not the gal for you. If you still want to be with her, then try the counseling for the assistance to combine your beliefs, or to be able to meet in the middle on things.