Question about toddler?

Question

Quick background: My fiance has full custody of his 3 yr old daughter. The daugher's mother moved 14 hours away to be with a guy. She took her newborn baby with her, left the 3 yr old here.

The child is very confused right now and has started acting out. She's having bad dreams at night, acting up at daycare, along with other things. She asks me frequently if I'm mommy, and I tell her "No, I'm not mommy, but I love you very much." She mostly calls me by my name, but every now and then she will call me mommy. When she calls me mommy I say "Is that my name, or am I GeriLynn" I don't mind that she calls me mommy... but her biological mom has a problem with that, so I always make sure she knows that I'm not mommy.

Yesterday I went to pick her up at daycare and she ran up to me and said "Hi Mommy!" Then I picked her up and this kid in her class said "That's not your mommy, that's GeriLynn!"

More to come

Answer 1

Maybe you can tell her to call you her...'other mommy'

Answer 2

I think you should go with the kids instinct.  If the child feels that you are her mommy then by all means step up to the plate.

Answer 3

In my oppinion, if her biological mom just abandoned her and has caused this emotional stress on the poor girl, then you are the one taking the mother role.  I would perhaps try and adopt her.  If she gets comfort by associating you as a mother figure in her life, then allow her to do so.  And make sure to tell her all the time how much you and her daddy love her and how proud of her yall are for being such a strong little girl.  I feel horrible for her.  I pray that everything works out for the three of you!

Answer 4

I would absolutely let the child call you mommy. Her "real" mom left her so it doesn't matter what she says.

When your fiance and you get married, would you like his daughter to call you mom? If so, then I would let her do it now.

As for the kid saying that you are not her mommy, I would tell the kid that you will soon be her step-mommy so it is ok for her to call you that.

Answer 5

If she's living with you and you're taking care of her, I don't see why she shouldn't call you "Mommy"...  I suppose I can understand her biological mother's point of view, but to me it just seems slightly strange that she calls you by your first name.  It also seems to me that it's not surprising that she's confused, especially if she doesn't see her biological mother often.  Hope it turns out okay

Answer 6

hmmm, i guess you need to ask your self if you consider your self her mom.

hey,you love this little girl and she must love you....she calls u mom....to her u are her mom...and rightfully so, her mom left her! be there for this child, let her call u mommy .

the only reason the mother does not want the little girl to call you mommy is because she feels u will turn the girl against her . there may also be some jelousy?

so what you can tell the little one is...I am mommy 2 mommy 1 moved to (wherever).

that way the little girl will realise that she has"two moms"  the real mom will not feel bad because at least she is reffered to as #1...which is silly but that is what she is really intrested about...sadly

and finally you will have less worry about the little one, i'm sure that it does not matter to u if u r called mom 1 or 2 because u know that u love her and u show that by being there and caring for the little one....Also get the dad to tell mommy 1 not to let the title of "mom" be much of a issue until the child is able to understand the story of mom and step mom...

Good luck and God Bless!!

Answer 7

I think she is having a hard time adjusting to the new situation and is confused on why she was left there and the baby was gone with her mother.  But I think you are doing a great job at handling the situation.  That isn't much help but good luck.

Answer 8

this is a tough situation. if it makes her feel better, let her call you mom. she'll understand when she gets older that you are not her biological mom. i have a step dad, and i do call him dad. there is nothing wrong with kids calling thier step parents mom or dad, especially at this age because it's hard for them to understand. you don't have to be a child's biological parent to be called mom. if you're feeling it's not right, or it makes you feel bad, give yourself some credit. you deserve to be called mom. i mean, her mom took off and left her, and now you are all she has to call mom. if she asks you if you are mommy, tell her that you are her step mommy, and she can call you mommy if she wants to. this is all she will be able to understand at this age. she will understand the situation a little better when she gets older. as far as her acting out, she misses her mom and probablly feels abandoned. all she wants is someone to call mommy so she dosen't feel that way.

Answer 9

I'm not sure what your question is.  If your asking for advice just know that you are like the child's mommy.  You have to treat her like your daughter and be her mommy.

Answer 10

u may not be her biological mother but u r in her life and if her biological mother has a problem withher daugher  calling u mommy talk to ur fiance it is his daughter! good luck

Answer 11

Let her call you mom until she gets old enough to realize.  If the mother has a problem with it ignore her.  The other woman is under a lot of stress now so be patient with her as she will feel tons and tons of guilt later for leaving her daughter.  You don't want the little girl to know or see her mom has made a mistake because whatever she hears about her mom she will associate with her own self.  I mean if she hears her mom is a b&$*# she will think that she must be a b:$&$^ too.  Just be the angel in her life that she needs so much right now.  Let her call you mom, and your fiance will see what an angel you are.  Better for you and you'll have a great life!  Good luck.  So tough for you.  WIsh I could give ya a hug.

Answer 12

"...but her biological mom has a problem with that..."

Her "mother" shouldn't have a problem with anything.  She decided to give up custody of one of her children, but keep the other.  Personally, I would welcome the idea that she wants to call you mommy.  Instead of saying "no I'm not your mommy...." say, "I'm not your real mommy, but I wouldn't mind if you called me mommy if that's what you want".   I hope that once you are married, you will decide to officially adopt his child.  The acting up is normal and common due to a separation like this.  

So, due to a lack of an actual question, this is my opinion of your situation.

Answer 13

i would let her call you mommy just explain to her the difference first and that you dont mind her calling you mommy, but that you love her, and since you'll be her step mom soon why cant she? if her real mom lives that far away, she should have no reson to be mad about it. i would just let her. it will her help her so much