Question about wedding vows?

Question

I agreed to have a ceremony and reception to appease my family, although I would have preferred to go away with just my fiance for something more private. While I am starting to get excited about some aspects of a wedding with family and friends present, I am very uncomfortable with the idea of saying vows out loud in front of them. My feeling is that my marriage is between me and my fiance, and I want to verbalize my commitment to him only. Wedding vows are sacred and personal, and I feel that to recite them aloud to everyone is an invasion of my privacy.

My question is, then, any ideas abut how to accomplish saying wedding vows just to each other? Should they be whispered? Should we turn away from guests when we say our vows? I don't want to be tacky, but I feel very strongly about this issue.

Any ideas would be helpful, but I can do without lectures or judgment. I am more than willing to celebrate my marriage with guests, but my vows are too personal and I don't feel the need to verbalize my commitment to everyone.

Answer 1

Since your vows are what solidify your marriage and your guests have been invited to witness that solidfying you shouldn't really exclude them from that.

That said, I completely agree with you, so what you do is compromise. During your ceremony in front of everyone you do standard, non-personal vows while looking at one another and then at a later time (even right after the ceremony if you'd like) then you and your husband can recite more personal vows to one another.  

Answer 2

Why don't you just go with the traditional non-personal vows for the ceremony with your family and friends, but do your own more private, personal vows to each other, either before or after.

Answer 3

This a great question for your officiant. What, legally, qualifies as vows? I think its a very broad spectrum. Be creative.

Answer 4

I understand where you're coming from, but I don't think there's a way to get around it. The main reason people attend a marriage ceremony is to hear the couple's vows.

What you could do, though, is arrange a meeting before the ceremony that's very private with your officiant and your fiance, and do your vows alone, for the first time. Then, repeat them again for friends and family at the ceremony. That way, you guys have your moment alone, together, and then you'll also appease your family and not look weird by whispering your vows to each other.

Answer 5

Vows are also a legal requirement. You can use the standard ones (I do's) or create your own. The minimum is saying  "I do" to the questions asked by the one officiating.