Question for Adoptees Do You Feel Like a Commodity?

Question

With all the money changing hands in the guise of 'expenses' (snort) don't you think this commodifies children?

Answer 1

Commodity – an undifferentiated product bought only on the basis of price.

I have always felt like a human and been treated as such by my adoptive family.  Still, your question is intriguing.  The history of modern adoption shows the organizations that started it were forced by circumstances to view their wards in a commodity-like sense.

One hundred years ago, asylums were filled with abandoned waifs.  Nobody would adopt them; they were considered to have bad blood and left to the streets.  Infanticide was common.  The privately-run asylums were overwhelmed. But there was a solution: indenture.  The children were placed out as servants and farm-hands, indistinguishable sources of cheap labor (you may wish to look up the definition of “orphan” in the Devil’s Dictionary to get a feel for the time).  The Orphan Trains helped out.  Children were shipped to small towns and “put up” on stage for inspection; their muscles were felt and their teeth checked before a family would take them in.  In fact, this is the origin of the term,”put up for adoption.”  The modern system grew from these roots.

When, eventually, electricity and tractors eliminated the need for scullery-maids and little farm-hands, the question arose, “where will the children go now?”  The new solution: infertile couples.  Shifts in the culture and society’s view of childhood made this possible.  Still rooted in the old mindset, however, the adoption agencies continued to “move the kids out.” Children were inventory.  Bonding and love were not allowed to occur before children were matched with families.  There was a process that had to be followed: 1) Child relinquished, 2) Child fostered, 3) Picture mailed out to adoptive parents, 4) home study, etc.  It was efficient and business-like.

But there is a difference today. Since adoptees now become members of the family, adoptive parents - unlike the agency - cannot treat an adoptee as a commodity.  By definition, each person in the family is different, so adoptive parents must treat the child as an individual.  Concerning the issue of money, I would add that the amount spent today is obscene.  The instincts of adoptive parents to make a family are being exploited by the industry.  Very sad.

Answer 2

I was adopted and I have NEVER felt anything except special because I was wanted.  My mother always told me that her and my dad wanted a child and could not have one and my birth mother was young and loved me so much that she wanted me to have a mother and a father so she gave me to them.  Kids react and believe what you tell them.  I grew up knowing that I was loved.

Answer 3

Considering I was a part of a trade of goods (you give me a car and I'll give you a baby) yes, I definitely feel like one. Even if that wasn't a part of my past, the fact that I see SO many people coming on here asking "where can I get a baby really cheap in any color but black?" "I want a baby but I don't want to pay alot or go through any lawyers or anything" or "We don't want to adopt from the US because what if we pay ALLLL that cash and she keeps the baby?" I would've felt like one just from that stuff. I mean, I'm an aparent too, I know about the fees and donations and tax credits and all that, I get it, I really do, even though I truly believe most of the fees involved are of unethical proportions. I know how much a homestudy and a I-171h costs. Still, when so many people it seems are concerned more with the price of the child and the ownership of the child instead of the child itself and the child's feelings, you can't help but think something is amiss somewhere.

Answer 4

No I was adopted through Foster Care.

Answer 5

No I don't feel like a Commodity but I do wonder where it all goes with what you pay in the state adoptions..

I think that if the new parents where not having to pay as much for the hole process then maybe the child/ren would have a bit better from the new parents

Answer 6

So many people that adopt have allot of red tape and traveling to do.  Deep down in their heart they want a child. So desperately that they are willing to pay allot and travel.

I would say it is not because you are bought you may feel like a commodity.

You may feel like a commodity if they brag and brag about what heros they feel like. If they can't let the subject rest. If they constantly remind you or show you off to friends and point out what a deal they got.

Answer 7

I have never felt like a commodity.  I have always felt like a child that was very loved... actually I just got off the phone with my mom cuz all these questions about money and kids made me wonder how much she "paid" for me, and it turns out not a cent.  She had a pay for a few parenting classes that were inexpensive, and for her lawyer, but that was it.  No agency fees.  That being said, her comment was, "If they had asked, I would have paid every last penny I had for you." which is a lil silly considering then she wouldn't have been able to feed me, but as you can probably tell, my mom was never one to make me feel as if I was a product to be purchased.  Neither did my dad for that matter.

Answer 8

Well, I was adopted 5 days after I was born. I have always known about it and it has never bothered me. I have never felt that way..I was always happy to know that someone really wanted me and chose to keep me...I always thought it made me special.

I hope this helps to hear from an adoptee:)

Answer 9

No way! If my family had kept me, I would probially be dead or worse- I'm bio Russian/German (my mum was 16 y.o. russian girl, Da was a buisnessman) and am now in America. This is getting a better life for someone. And as for these expeces, everyone needs to be paid, right?

Answer 10

No.  It's unethical on the part of agencies, for sure.  But as far as my parents go, all of them, I was no such thing.  I hope you don't think of yourself that way?

Answer 11

Ok, I'v enever been involved in the process, but one of my dear friends was adopted from india at 6 monhts old. i'm sure it cost her parents an arm and a leg, but they have never looked at her as anything other than their own daughter they would lay down their lives for if need be. It is ridiculous on one side how expensive it can be- we briefly considered adopting a girl after our second son was born and decided we simply couldn't reasonably afford it, esp. when we have no issues concieving (pregnant with #3 now!). it's a business, so they need to make $ somewhere- but the sky high costs keep some loving families from choosing that option, so i think in some ways, the kids that don't get 'picked' due to lack of homes loose out.

Answer 12

No I don't. I'm secure in who I am. Apparently your not. I'm happy with being adopted. My parents can have bio kids and we had a mix of both in our family. They chose to adopt first before they even had bio children. I never felt like they had favorites. In fact, most of the time, I was accused of being the "favorite". I feel sorry for you and other anti adopters. If it makes you feel better, you can accuse me of secretly hiding my feelings of abandonment and secretly pushing down all these feelings of hate. You can accuse me of not being a "deep" person. If this makes you feel better, so be it. It's really just sad and pathetic.

Edit: I think it's funny that I get thumbs down simply for being happy. It shows that some people can't stand that anybody is happy with adoption. You want all of us to be miserable so we can make you feel better about yourself. Thanks for proving my point!

Way to give Brandi a thumbs down too. d**n you and your d**n happiness Brandi. You should be miserable like the rest of us (sarcasm).

Answer 13

money should never change hands..when i was adopted the only money spent was to the lawyer who handled the paperwork..but that was back in the early 70's

Answer 14

Not any more, but sure, adoptees ARE are commodities.   That's why people fly around the planet to get babies brokered for them.

We have a very short supply in the US for healthy, white infants,  so the demand has risen, along with infertility rates.

Therefore, PAPs feel the desire to procure children elsewhere.  They go to countries where birth control is rarely available, and a woman's financial resources are scarce.  This gives her little power to fight the American Adoption Machine.

See, everybody wins!

Answer 15

As an adoptive mom I find your question to be offensive and quite ignorant.  Most adoptions (at least in private adoption where I have first hand experience)  are done with compassion from all the professions and the cost to the  aparents is for services provided, mostly benefiting the bmother.  "Money changing hands in the guise of expenses", is just a stupid comment.

Adoption is not about buying a baby.

This CATEGORY is about ADOPTION. I will continue to contribute as I see fit.

Answer 16

Yes, it does.  If I found out my parents had bought me, I'd resent them.  I'd also feel driven to be very very good so they got their money's worth.  And I'd never feel I was being good enough.  

Private adoption is human trafficking.

Answer 17

Wow Brandi, and you bought that?

Guess you are easy.

Of course I felt like a commodity, I was.

I was even special ordered, one HWI, hold the p***s.

Answer 18

I never felt like a commodity until I saw my actual adoption file and paperwork this spring.  It turns out, the agency had my biomom pay for all of her own hospital fees for having me, she was mostly covered by her father's insurance but had to pay the deductible herself.

That is all fine and well EXCEPT for the fact that the agency had my adoptive parents pay thousands of dollars which they claimed covered my biomom's "medical expenses".  

So where did that money really go if the hospital expenses were already covered?

I suspect in the agency's pockets.

On top of that, the agency had made me their ward and was collecting a monthly stipend AFTER I was placed with my adoptive parents.  They collected it until two months after the adoption was finalized!! My adpotive parents never saw a penny of that money.  So where did it go?

My adoptive parents never made me feel like a commodity.  They had no idea that they were dealing with a corrupt agency.  How could they know?

But this is what happened.  

I always thought adoption was a wonderful thing.  I still do in regard to a child needing a home.  But something needs to be done about unethical agencies and the current unregulated adoption system.  I think adoptive parents, bio parents and adoptees are all being taken advantage of here.

Someone needs to clean up the system.

That's all I'm saying.

Answer 19

I have never once felt like a commodity. Ever.

I felt like my birth mother cared enough about my long-term well being and knew her limitations. My adoptive family wasn't looking for a product to buy, they desperately wanted a child that they could not physicall have. These two families came together and found a good solution to each other's problems. I was a gift, and I was given a gift, all in the same action.

I don't care if other anti-adoption people view me as a commodity, view my birth mother as irresponsible, or view my adoptive parents as consumers who bought their child. It's MY life, and I know what good has come of this situation, the good that everyone else around here appears to completely ignore.

Answer 20

What about the expenses for infertility treatments?  Do you think that money is making the children born from IVF or other medical procedures commodities?

I am sorry, but there is a need for adoption still.  Its unfortunate, but until EVERY SINGLE child has a loving, safe home, there will be a need.  The money paid in adoption is for lawyers fees, paperwork fees travel fees.  No one buys a baby.  Get that out of your head.

Answer 21

Sure I do. Even more so now that I know my grandmother sold me.