Question for Birthmoms about adopting a baby?

Question

Birthmoms, have you ever had a desire to adopt a baby after you've placed your baby, even though you were able to have your own? Are there any Birthmoms out there who have done this already?

Answer 1

No, I could never do that, giving up a child, only later to adopt, seems disrespectful (as others have pointed out) to my birth daughter. How would she feel about it, I wasn't good enough to keep, but you found someone who was ? That is just wrong.

Answer 2

Before I placed my son, I thought I would rather adopt than have biological children.  For ethical reasons.  Now that I have seen what it is like to give life to a child, I want to have a child myself someday more than anything.  But I could see why some women would want to adopt after placing.  Mostly, it just makes you want to have kids of your own someday really badly.  Because you see how happy the parents are when they see their child.

Answer 3

No, it would be horribly disrespectful to the older daughter I am raising and especially disrespectful to the younger daughter I relinquished......

I don't want to come across as sounding rude, but imagine your mother relinquished you for whatever her reason and a few years later adopted another child.  If the situation was bad enough to surrender you, why would it suddenly improve enough to adopt a child.....you see what I mean.  THAT is how I see it and I am almost certain that this would be how both my daughters would see it.

Answer 4

I gave my 3rd child up.  Within a year, I met and married a man with 3 kids, I would have liked to adopt them but we didn't want the hassles with their real mom.  I raised his 3, ages 2-8 and they visited their birth mom a few times.  They call me mom.  I have recently visited the daughter I gave up, her parents and I are close and she understands why she was given up.  I stayed out of the way but now that she is 18, we stay in contact and her parents have had us over for visits.

Yes, I have had the desire to adopt but be aware that no one could ever fill the space in my heart for her.

I am the legal guardian of one of my spouses adult children.

Answer 5

That is such a good question. Truth be told i never really thought about it until you asked. My reason for placing my dautgher was so she could have a full family with a mom and dad. I know its sound very selfish and most ppl would tell me that is but i dont think so i grew up in a single paretns house hold and while i love my mom more than anything i really always wanted a dad to. I think if given the chance i would like to adopt. I wouldnt adopt a baby though i have seen what foster care can do them getting moved around so much can really affect them so if i ever did try to adopt it wouldnt be a baby but someone older by giving them the stablity that they might need and if I was completely sure that's what they wanted though.

Answer 6

That smacks of trying to replace a child. No way I would ever adopt after I have already relinquished. I will never be party to a child's loss again.

Answer 7

I can't imagine putting someone else through the pain I've had to endure. I would never want to cause another mother to suffer as I have. I can't imagine seeing a child go through the traumas of infant adoption under my care - it would be too painful for me. Not only would I be plagued with thoughts of the first family's feeling and those of the child, but also the idea of explaining this to my children is unfathomable.

Hypothetically (sp?), I could see myself fostering an older child in need or taking in a domestic orphan or a relative - but only as a last resort for the child's wellbeing. I would not wish to adopt them (unless they asked me to and were old enough to understand what adoption means) but would prefer to be their guardian. I would NEVER change a child's name or keep them from those who love them. (Obviously, dangerous individuals are not included.) I could not turn away a child in need, but I would do everything in my power to restore them safely to their rightful situations if it were at all possible.

I could possibly imagine raising another person's child if I were not able to have my raised children but again with the above stipulations. I am a huge advocate for shared parenting/co-parenting - I can't understand why people can't see that children have the capacity to love and be loved by many. They are not possessions they are people. (For those who think shared parenting is confusing to kids, may I point out that blended families often work well and children of divorce generally have issues when the ADULTS in their lives create them.)

I commend folks who can take in children who NEED a home. I just cannot be a part of destroying someone's family through adopting a newborn "because I have a need to parent". There are myriad ways to be a positive part of a child's life.

In reality, I have chosen to "adopt" those in need through volunteerism, advocacy and providing assistance to women in crisis. I have worked as a volunteer in Family Court, provided support and services to several father's rights groups, served over 20 abused and neglected children as a GAL and am currently a voice for family preservation and adoption reform. These activities help ease my pain, educate my children and help my community.

My hubs and I have hosted two young women who were pregnant over the last seven years as well as provided emotional support and resource assistance to several others.

Both of the women who stayed with us were young, poor and scared. One had been kicked out of her parent's house for getting pregnant by a black man and the other was a former foster child. Both wanted to parent but had little or no support. Both are now happy parents and on their own. One has graduated and is a working as a CNA; we are the Godparents of her teo daughters. The other is finishing her GED, has a job at restraunt and is thinking about a career in child care. Her son will be a year old in August and his mother and father will be married in November. Both of them had considered adoption because of their circumstances and both are glad they kept their children. All they needed was a little help.

Sorry to be so long winded, I have thought about this at length and I hope it all makes sense! :)

Great question!

**Spell check is making me want to pull my hair out!!! >:( Sorry, for any mistakes!