Question for Preemie moms...?

Question

What helped you get through the time spent in the NICU...besides the fact that your son/daughter was in there. I mean...sometimes it is just so hard! I don't mean to sound selfish at all, its just hard to sit there and watch all these mothers feeding their babies, and when they bring in the car seats, you know another baby is going home.

My daughter was born 3 months early, only 3 weeks ago. So I have a ways to go, at least another month or more(probably more). Anyone else gone through this? I don't know if I'm slightly depressed or not either...

Answer 1

I know how you feel.  Both of my girls were preemies.  With my first daughter, we were able to hold her and she was fine, but with our second daughter (who is now 5 months old), we weren't able to hold her until she was about 4 days old, and then only for a little while, and it is so hard to hold your baby when they are on oxygen plus a dozen other monitors.  It was really hard because we had our 2 year old at home and my husband had to go back to work and so I couldn't be with our newborn in the NICU all of the time because I had to take care of our 2 year old.  You know, it was a rough pregnancy and I was in the hospital for a lot of it, but as miserable as I was while I was pregnant, I cried so often and wished for nothing more than to be back to being pregnant with my baby because at least then I could have her with me.  It was a feeling of such distress.  NICU in itself can be a stressful place with all of the monitors on your tiny little baby, and only being able to see your baby and hold them during certain times.  You see all of these new moms on the regular maternity wing holding and cuddling their monitor-free newborns and you wish that you could be doing that with yours.  You think to yourself, "I should be holding her and cuddling her, she shouldn't have to be in that incubator all alone hooked up to all of those wires and under that oxygen hood".  You literally ache to hold your baby.  And then when you are able to hold them and then the nurses tell you that it's time for your baby to go back in the incubator, this horrible feeling comes over you like you just want to hit the nurse - lol.  Okay, so that's not a good thing, but that's how I felt.  I hated having time constraints on when and how long I could hold my baby especailly after I wasn't allowed to hold her until she was 4 days old already and it's like you just want to cry.  I just pretty much sat there by her side.  But you do need to rest.  Take this opportunity to rest up.  Are you rooming at the hospital, or commuting from home?  If you are staying at the hospital, then be sure to get some sleep in between sitting with your baby.  

It's the scarriest thing in the world when one of the stats on your baby's monitors drops and then the loud beepers start going off - your heart just freezes.  Prayer helped me too.  It helped a lot.  They didn't know if my little one was going to make it through the first night and then when she did they said it was a miracle.  I'll never forget that though, when the doctor came into our room and I asked him if our baby was going to make it and he said "I don't know".  Ugh - I'll never forget those words.  Then she developed pneumonia and had to be in even longer.  It's heck, I'll agree.  Just develop your support system.  Get to know the nurses.  They are there to talk to too.  Be very involved with your baby's care.  Do as much as you can.  Be as invloved as you can.  I remember when we were able to hold our daughter, her heart rate and O2 levels would stabilize... that was the coolest thing in the world.  Lean on your husband or significant other for support, and the staff too.  That's what they are there for.  

I know you feel like you just want to scream, cry, and throw a fit.  I know I did.  You feel helpless and jealous even when other parents come in to take their babies home and you're thinking "is it ever going to be my turn?"  It's so hard.  If you think that you are depressed at all, be SURE to talk to a trusted nurse about it - they will help you out with that!  It is so important to get  help.  Have yourself a good crying too.  Take a shower, lock the bathroom door and just have a good old fashioned fit.  It helps.  Sounds childish, but it helps.  God bless sweetie and I'll keep ya and your little one in my prayers.  E-mail me please, if you want to talk ....

Answer 2

I have not gone through it, but have a dear friend who has. It was very upsetting. She couldn't take her baby for almost 2 months. He had a rough first 2 months, but ever since he was a happy, healthy, normal little boy.

You and your baby will do fine. Everything will work out alright. Good luck and God bless you and your little miracle!  

Answer 3

Greetings Danyelle~

I am a preemie mom. My daughter was born 3 months premature like you back in March 2006. First off, I want to let you know that you can contact me anytime, I'm not sure if my email is appearing, but if not, just ask and I can give it to you directly through your email.

So to answer your questions, you have every right to be depressed, afraid, selfish, angry, frusturated, and about 100 other feelings right now. It's quite overwhelming.

And I had the same feeling the first days when I had to go to that 30 minute class they give new mothers just before they go, and all of them have their babies and I'm the only one without, that was super rough. But you do get through. Really take it one day at a time. Here are some things I did to keep sane...somewhat:

1. Bring books: I would bring books to read to her. Baby books, my books, magazine articles, etc. They say the sound of your voice is very nurturning, and given that most mothers cannot even go so far as to brush their preemies with their hand this early on, all the nurturing you can give is helpful. But sometimes you really have nothing to say, so this kept my mouth moving

2. Get Sleep: I can't strees this enough. You feel bad about not being there at all times but if you're there 24 hours, you'll kill yourself. So get some sleep. Call and check in in the middle of the night to get an update so you aren't up all night worrying.

3. Set a schedule: If you were home with the baby, you would have some sort of schedule. No reason to not start that now. Wake up at the same time every morning. Get to the NICU, and ask the nurses if there is anything you can do. This early on, not much but as the weeks pass they will allow you to do more like help feed, hold the baby, bath time, etc.

4. Ask tons of questins. Yes the nurses will look annoyed but this is your child, no question and no amount of questions is too much.

5. PUMP! If you're not already, pump. Even if you are not allowed to give breastmilk now, you can have them them freeze it for you or you can keep in a cooler and transport home. Most NICUs now have a room to do this but at least they can give you resoruces. And since you need to pump at least every 2 to 3 hours, that will also keep you busy and think of it as a way that you are feeding your baby like the other mothers.

6. Join a preemie support group(s). My NICU had one at the hospital that met weekly. There are also yahoo groups for preemies. Find blogs on preemie parents and there are neighborhood support groups too. The first meeting or so I was very relunctant to go becaus I was just so overwhelmed, but after a couple weeks it was helping and by the end I was so glad that I went.

This should fill a little bit of the time spent at the NICU if not the whole day. Honestly, the first month or so is very hard. My daughter had 2 surgeries just in the first 2 months and was in the hospital for about 5 months. I'm not saying your baby will be in that long but it is hard to look at the other mothers. Just be grateful that your baby made it through another 24 hours and one day you will be one of those mothers feeding and bring in your car seat to take him/her home. Hang in there, your baby needs you now more than ever. And again, if you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. By the way, what NICU are you in?

Answer 4

I don't have children, but you hardly sound selfish.

Answer 5

I don't have children yet, but I was a clerk at a NICU.

Don't let the NICU get you downhearted, at least your baby is doing well.  Some of those babies will never leave that room but in a matter of weeks, you will take your healthy baby girl home with you.  She's just in the NICU to get stronger and as soon as she does that, she'll be all yours!