Question for WIVES please answer?

Question

did you ever become financially dependent on your husband... how did it feel? eventually did you get a degree and career... how did it change the relationship? I'm in my second year of college and my 2 children are in school i'm determined to have a great career. my husband tells me to work but going to school and having a family is hard enough. if i had to work i would never see my kids.

Answer 1

Are you my twin??? I had the exact same problem with my husband 6 months ago. The solution was that i would stay in school and substitute teach while the kids were at school and attend class at night. During the summer months i found a job as a summer camp teacher at the zoo. It worked out great, yeah i was tired but we had the extra money we needed and i got to stay in school.

Answer 2

Well, I was financially dependent from the get go.  My husband made tons of money, so I never really needed to work. This was ultimately a BAD thing, because I didn't have any sense of purpous, and he felt like he could just tell me what to do.  He also seemed to think that he was entitled to making ALL our decisions because he was smart, and sometimes I felt like he thought I was a r****d (we're now separated).  Anyway, I think it's WONDERFUL that you are getting a degree and have other goals than being a wife and mother.  Ultimately, it will give you more say so in the marriage, and your husband will respect you more.  I know it's hard to leave your kids, but maybe you can do something from home or part time when your kids are in school.  I know many companies are willing to let you work from home at least some of the time.  Good luck to you!  

Answer 3

Your family should be your priority, not your career.  Those children are more important then anything else and if your husband is able to support you then he definitely should.  If your not interdependent in your marriage (you both depend on each other) then you may have some serious problems.  Just remember don't be selfish. That will lead to failure.  

Answer 4

finish your degree. most people regret what they didnt do rather than what they did do. no matter what finish. its ok to depend on your husband financially; he depends on you in so many other ways. its important to stay supportive. both of you.

Answer 5

I am a stay at home. However I did go back to school and finish my BS degree.  I worked for 10 years, believe me it was no picnic and I know my children suffered at times.  To depend financially on your husband really takes a leap of faith.  I don't know what the answer is since most careers suck the life out of you.

Answer 6

I've been financially dependent on my husband for almost our entire marriage.  When we first got married we made about the same amount of money, but when I got my master's degree it was literally a week after the twin towers fell and I couldn't find a job for anything.  I've worked on and off since, also gave birth to two children, but I've never made anywhere close to as much money as he does.  When our children are in school full time, I will go back to work full time.  Since I had one degree and was working on a second when we got married, I didn't eventually get one, and have always had the confidence that if I needed to support myself or our family financially, I could.  I don't mind be financially dependent on him, and he doesn't look at it as "his" money, so it works out pretty well for us.

Answer 7

My wife works because she loves what she does, not because I make her. My money has, and always will be, OUR money. Your husband needs a class in 'Marriage 101".

Answer 8

Right now I am financially dependant on my husband.  I stay at home. I did work for about a year off and on, and the money was a big help.  I do plan on going back to college and getting a career, but for now it works better all around for me to be home with the kids.

Answer 9

I was financially dependent on him completely for about 4 yrs.  To be honest, I hated it.  I had always wanted to stay home with my kids, but was lonely all the time, and we fought alot, so it just sucked.  I feel like things started to change when I went back to work, but that may or may not be the reason...but in reality, i am still financially dependent on him, cuz  I only make a quarter of what he makes, but I still feel better about myself...

Answer 10

I worked before the kids were born and now I am a stay-at-home mom.  This works for me right now, but I know when they are older, I'll want to get out there again.  I cannot imagine how hard it is for you, I am so proud of you for doing it 'all'.  I really do not view it as being financially dependent, we view it as... we have a job to do together, his just gets a paycheck.  My husband is continuously supportive of whatever I want to do.  He feels, as long as I am happy - we are all happy.  If he is telling you that you HAVE to work in order to make ends meet, what about doing school & work part time?  I know this sounds better in writing than in real life.  

I just don't know what his motivation is... is it money or is he scared of you having a life?

Answer 11

I am currently finacially depent on my husband.

If you can make ends meet and go to school go for it.

I tried going to school but we could not make ends meet.

I am currently not working because I have two children with disabilities.

Just think (God forbid) what stability do you have if your husband is gone tommorrow?  How are you going to make ends  meet, and how will you provide an education for them?

So just prentend you did not hear him and continue your education, it is something that will give you stability and will also be a role model for your children.

Answer 12

Im a Stay at home house wife. I was working for awhile, but then it started causing friction in the household and ughhh...it didnt work out. Im focused on only my hubby and him alone. He pays bills, I cook, He takes out the trash - I clean. I do the things He cannot do with his time and make his life easier...and it makes me happy.  

Answer 13

So many women do it.  Yes it's hard but it is possible.  Right now, I have to be financially dependent on my husband because I just had surgery and I can't do much.  I had to quit my job and may take off next semester from school.  No we do not have children yet but this is a hard transition for me.  Going from independent to dependent is not a good feeling at all but we have to be able to trust that our husbands will take care of us if there is a need.  My husband is doing a wonderful job.  

As far as you working, have you and your husband sat down and discussed the details of the consequences if you were to start working?  Maybe taking on a part time job could be an option until the children are old enough and self efficient.  Though it may sound like a good idea to him, it may not be the best option for the family.  Talk things over and come up with options.  Agree on something together and things should work out.

Answer 14

I had a great career before we were married and we earned about the same income only I had better perques.  After our first child was born, I had to rearrange my work schedule to be more available for our child.  This resulted in a much lower salary and it was very hard to adjust to not being an equal earner.  That lasted about 2 years and I was back to working a full time schedule and earning the same salary.  It is hard balancing motherhood (now of 2 children and 1 more on the way) with a very challenging career, but it was even harder not earning enough income to feel that I was properly contributing to our family's needs.

I don't have it in me to be financially dependent on someone else.