Question for adoptive parents?

Question

Would you still be raising your adopted child(ren) if you were not allowed to change their name or legally adopt them? I mean, if you were only allowed to get legal custody through a guardianship arrangement.

You would have fewer rights in this arrangement, but your child's history would remain intact, and it would still be a permanent arrangement. Would you still have brought your child home?

Answer 1

Absolutely.  You don't base the love for a child on paperwork.

Answer 2

Yes I would have without a doubt.  

Answer 3

i think so.

Answer 4

Yes, but I would feel bad for him to have the name Baby Boy for the rest of his life.

Answer 5

I am not that far into the process but definitley so!  My husband was never legally adopted by his step mother but he absolutley refers to her as his mom. No paperwork could ever break that bond they share!

Answer 6

Of course.  That's what I am doing with my adopted children's youngest siblings.

Answer 7

Absolutely. I didn't change my children's first or middle names (we did change their last names and added a middle name). I would have still done it if we'd only done guardianship, but with IA this wasn't an option for us.

I agree with you that this is a great option for kids. I do think some kids want to be adopted, but that should be their choice when they are older and can really decide. My son was 8 1/2 at the time of adoption and did get to consent to it (though I later found out he was bribed into saying yes) but my daughter didn't have the option and I wish she did. I wish my son had had a real non-coerced choice too.  

Answer 8

If I desperately wanted a baby, and this was the one for me, yes i would... love will over come these feelings, but i know how sad u must feel, because it's taking something so personal away from you, If u can't permanently adopt, that would be a little scary, can the birth mother ever take the child (children) back? If you have legally guardianship, sounds to me like a glorified foster parent to be honest...i would definetely weigh out all the options to prevent heart break in the future... What does your attorney say? Good luck to you...

~A

Answer 9

yes  We still would have.  

Answer 10

We already sorta did this thru foster care. We had few rights, such as asking permission to even get a hair cut. But we wanted to parent anyway. I would have no problem with no last name change. If my kids want to change their names back, I am more than willing to help them do so. That is part of who they are after all.

I would have been fine with guardianship status. In fact the adoption itself was sort of anti-climatic as they had already been with us for over a year.

I think parenting is done in the heart, not with a piece of paper or a name.

Answer 11

Interesting question.

1. Yes, I would have raised them if I couldn't change their names.

2. As for the legal guardianship. This would not work in IA as they would need to be adopted in order to gain citizenship and enjoy all the rights and priviledges of a citizen. The reality is it wouldn't make much sense to bring a child from overseas without an intention to adopt... unless it was a family member.

3. Fewer rights. What would that entail? If my child's history could remain intact, oh absolutely. But where my son is concerned; there would have to be a legal understanding that his first parents would have no contact (abuse) and would not be able to get him back.

I cannot imagine being without my kids. I am certain I would do anything to keep them with me.

Answer 12

Hi Gaia,

YES!  A piece of paper would not change my love.

Answer 13

I haven't adopted my child yet but I would absolutely agree to those conditions. What I am offering a child is a safe home and loving family. The details aren't important. In fact it would be nicer for them to hold on to their own name.

Answer 14

For IA circumstances, citizenship is only possible with adoption.  Call me ethnocentric, but I think that obtaining US citizenship is extremely important for IA adoptees.  If this was not an issue, I'd consider it.  But my children (especially my daughter) was able to understand what adoption meant.  She was very happy to be part of our family, especially after we assurred her that this means that her family in Liberia is part of our family too.  She was able to accept that gaining this family didn't mean that she wasn't also part of the family in her home country.  We didn't change names, just tacked on our family name to the end.  

Some children may be happy with guardianship.  I know some families that have never officially adopted children from foster care because of the wishes of the children.  But there are others who want that Piece of paper and want that permanency.  

I can't argue with either one.  

We have been asked to become sponsers of children (relatives of a friend from Mali) and bring them over to the US for education and raise them in our family.  Obviously, this is a guardianship relationship rather than an adoptive one.  

I don't think we're in a place to do this right now.  We have two children still "adjusting" and this would be difficult for them to accept.  But down the line, later in life, who knows?

Answer 15

Well Children need consistency. Each situation is different. Each Bio mom is different. Does she plan to jump in and out of the child's life when ever she feels like it? If so, then No she couldn't be around. Is she a good influence? or is she a drug addict? There's a lot of things to consider. Her being the birth mother is not a good enough reason & shouldn't be the only deciding factor of whether or not the birth mom should be a round.

There's a lot of REALLY bad Birth moms out there. And it's your job as his "mother" to make hard decisions that's going to be best for him.  

As far as the "guardianship" question. I think thats a totally personal question. What do you think is most important for your child? Legally does he want a guardianship or a mother? Sure, it's just a piece of paper but if you were my AP, i would like to know you're my MOM (my REAL mom spiritually and legally.)  

Cant you get this information before the final adoption? I personally would not do the guardianship. I have biological kids but it is important that my A-child feel no different than the rest of the kids. How am i gonna tell my A-child that i'm his "guardian" but I'm "mom" to the others.... (i know it's just a piece of paper & i can still refer to myself as his mother) but gezzzz i think that would make my A-child feel bad and different.

Even a state can be a "guardian" but every child wants a mother. Even if their 1st pick (their bio mom) isnt around.

Answer 16

I wouldn't change raising my kids no matter what the situation would be.  They don't need to be mine on paper, I am here for them no matter what.  I can tell you from experience that having the birthmother in the child's life is a wonderful thing, not only for the child, but for us as well.  She is able to know her background and medical history.  She still knows who she is and where she came from.  I cherish the relationship my whole family has with her and her family!