Question for all mothers?

Question

When I was little, I got separated from my mother sometimes while I was out shopping with her. I used to get scared and start crying. I was looking everywhere trying to find her in a mad dash. There were times where I was extremely close to having the store page her up front.

I went to the store with her today and I was reminded of that stuff so I brought it up in the car on the way home (I wasn't even mad or upset about it, I just questioned it). She said "None of that ever happened. Somehow your mind got twisted up to where you think that". She said "You may have gotten lost once or twice at the most unintentionally." She also said that I wondered off a few times and she just watched and didn't come after me so I would feel alone and scared. She said she was teaching me a lesson so I would not wonder off again. She said she even did this when I was five years old. What do you think of this style of parenting?

Answer 1

I think that you should save judging your mom's parenting style until you become a parent yourself.  You will be surprised at how much influence she had on you.  You may even call up your mom and apologize for putting her through what YOUR kids are putting you through:)

Answer 2

sounds like a great mum. Sometimes you need to teach children not to wonder off in creative ways. Many parents have done what she did. It is to give them enough of a fright that they learn when you say not to wonder off you mean it. I know people who have watched there child making sure that once they get upset they stayed out of site for a couple of minutes. Then go to their child. They don't tend to wander after that

Answer 3

that reminds me of when i was about 3-4 years old and had my 1st (and last) tantrum in a supermarket. my mom says i started to throw one because she said i couldnt have some type of candy or something, and i started to scream and cry. she calmly walked away, turned the corner into another a aisle, and watched. it took me a minute to realize she was gone, and i freaked out and went to look for her. i never had another tantrum in the store (and i stayed glued to the shopping cart until i was about 9 years old).

i dont think its a bad style of parenting tho. and i think its a good thing a lot of mothers teach this way, but i dont think its a good thing to instill fear of being away from parents. i think its better to teach them not to walk away, and that in public its WAAAAAY safer to be with ur parents.

Answer 4

I remember at stores my mom would take me and my sister and we'd find the toy section and refuse to leave,

she would "leave us" and go behind a rack or someplace she could see us we couldn't see her... and wait until we noticed and got scared and paniced, than would come back and be like, when I say come you come...

I also know there was a time i really got lost in a battleship cuz i wandered off and got into a "unauthorized" area... locked down the whole ship... parents realized it literally 1 min or less after I was "hiding" from them...

So.. letting the "panic" sometimes isn't a bad thing, rather have that than the risk or the real thing

Also...

It's the same thing "instincts" of animals do with their young, it's a protective biological means of safety.  A cub knows to STAY in hiding or STAY with mom to not get KILLED... this is the same thing... our "cubs" have to learn, through "fear discovered on their own" in order to STICK TO MOMMA BEAR or get kidnapped ect....  it's a dirty world

Answer 5

Well, I think it's wrong and mean to intentionally scare a little kid like that. It's cruel, and doesn't really serve a purpose. All kids get distracted, it's not like it's intentional misbehavior.

Based on what your mom's response was, she knows it was wrong and feels somewhat guilty about this. Otherwise, she wouldn't have BOTH tried to deny it, stressed that it was "unintentional", and then tried to justify it by calling it discipline. Also, she just admitted she did it on purpose!

Answer 6

This is a frightening parenting style. Why would a parent deliberately do this and traumatize their child?

One of the answers said it is "tough love". I think this parenting style is just tough. There's not much love in it.

Answer 7

well i am not a mother, obviously, cough, but i did think that you question was very interesting. Hmmm.. I am not sure what she was really trying to teach you....i don't think that i would let my 5 year old run around with out me because pedaphiles can snatch a kid quick! i would be too paranoid to try her technique. But hey everyone is different and everyone has their own interpretation of how to teach a lesson. I do think it is a bit unusual but not at all something you would never hear of.  Sounds like you might feel akward about this style of parenting, but hey i think that i might as well, then again i tend to be a worry wart at times. Then again, what if she had not kept a very close eye on you  when this occured once and someone got you, how horrifying would that be. Try to teach your child a lesson and then you get taught a lesson " Never Leave Your Child Alone in Public, No matter how close you think you are"   would be somewhat ironic

Answer 8

tough love is what i call it. hey atleast your mom didn't leave you at riteaid for 10 min!

Answer 9

I think someone else already used the phrase, tough love.  And thats what it is.  And yes, it did teach you a lesson.  I bet money that each and every time after that when you were out in public that you stayed close to your mom.  And thats the point.  When you got brave enough to wander out, same thing happened, and so you made sure you stayed close.

My mom did the same thing but with a bigger twist.  My uncle was at the store to, but I didnt know that (it was one of those ran into each other thing).  When I wandered off, he actually grabbed me and started walking off.  Ofcourse, he took me straight to my mother (my mom knew he was doing this).  Once I saw mom and realized what was going on, I was ok, but by god I didnt wander off again.

Right or wrong....  I dont know.  Yes, it made me feel awful, but on the other hand, to this day when out in public crowds I take extra care about my surroundings.  I am also very fond of the buddy system.  Even when I am out by myself, there is atleast someone who knows where I am.  And when I have children with me, I am super vigilant about knowing where they are and what they are doing.  I KNOW that you cant turn your back for even a minute.  So, is that being weird, or is that safety?

Was that abuse, as some people have called doing things like that?  Was it proper?  Was it right or wrong?

I dont know, but I do know that it worked.

Answer 10

You will learn that a lot of your feelings and HOW you THOUGHT things were, will not jive with your parents.  It makes sense since each of our lives are within our own perspectives.  This is NOT to say that it didn't happen in each of your ways (or that your mom didn't realize really how scared you were).  

Don't make too much of it.  I've had similar conversations with my parents and I, too, have been amazed by what and how I remember and how they see / saw things.

Answer 11

i dont know, but i sort of used to do that to my little sister when I had to babysit her.  she would cry for like two hours and it would drive me nuts.  so i would hide from her and then she would freak out even more and when i would come out of hiding he would be so happy to find me she would stop crying.  looking back i think that wasnt cool to do to her but my parents shouldnt leave a little kid watching another little kid.  im glad the laws changed.  parents cant suck like that anymore.

anyhoo..  give ur mom a break.  its hard being a parent.. at least she didnt forget you there like my mom left my little brother at kmart when he was like 5 and he crossed like 8 lanes of traffic to get across the road to the shopping center she went to.. he coulda got hit by like 10 cars.

Answer 12

I think she had the start of a good idea, but took it too far. It obviously traumatized you if you still remember it. If she had only let you until you noticed she was gone- enough to freak you out a bit- and then come back, I think that would be a fair enough warning. But if you were crying and looking for her for a while, I think she took it too far.

A few seconds of "omg where did mommy go!?" is enough to teach them to not wander off- with you watching them the entire time so you know no one is gonna snatch them.

Answer 13

What do I think of this style of parenting?  I think it is terrible, ineffective, negligent, and teaching your children insecurity and fear.

It's very easy for me to say what a great parent I will be, my daughter is only 16 months and we are just beginning the lovely adventure of the terrible twos and disciplining.  But I would like to think that I will never do things like that.  First of all, a parent should be watching their children in public places, especially if it's crowded.  I also don't believe in spanking.  Positive discipline and positive role modeling all the way!

Ask me in a year, LOL!!!

Answer 14

Sometimes it is the only way to get through to a child. For example, my daughter would always try to hide in clothing racks at Walmart because she thought it was funny when I couldn't see her and started calling her name and was worried. Anyway, I tried everything I could think of to get her to stop. Then one day she got hurt on one of the bars while she was trying to hide. Now she is afraid of going back in the clothing like that. Maybe your mother thought your own fear would work better than anything else she could do to get the point across. It may seem harsh, but it would have been much worse for you not to learn the lesson of staying with her. And I mean no offense to you, I'm just making a general assumption to all kids. I use to wonder too far from my house when I was little until a neighbor threatened to kidnap me, joking of course. But it really scared me and I never got very far away again.