Question for any mums (or teenage daughters) out there?

Question

im 15 now i still find that my mum snoops around my room, when i come home from school i can see that she has. what is she looking for ? why is she going through my private stuff ? and is this a normal mum thing to do ?

i'm starting to find her raiding through my draws a bit irritating now

Answer 1

You have to ask her that.  I suppose like most mothers she worries about you, and doesn't want the confrontation she knows will happen if she asks you "Are you having s*x?" for example.

I clean my daughters bedrooms because they don't do it.  And I often find things they wouldn't really want me to find - I've never found anythng really bad.  I hate it, I feel like I'm snooping, but at the same time, you worry so much over the most precious person in your life.  I don't snoop, for the sake of i.t though.  If I didn't clean their bedrooms, it would never get done.

Ask your mom if she was looking for something, that way she will know you're aware that she has been in your room.  And the answer might be quite innocent.  Clean your own bedroom.  Make sure there is nothing you would be ashamed of if she found it.

By the way, my daughters would have no problem going through my things, and wouldn't think it was "snooping".

Answer 2

she's probably worried your taking drugs. I would never do that to my child unless i was extremely worried. Write a fake diary and mention how annoying you find it that she snoops through your stuff and how she is probably reading your diary aswell. When she reads it she will be embarassed.

Answer 3

I know it is probably very irritating for you mom to be going through all your personal things. I have a feeling she is only doing because she might be worried about you. You guys may not be talking as much as you use to and she's worrying that your doing something your not suppose to be doing. Talk to her and tell her you will talk to her about anything and everything she wants to talk about but it's making you uncomfortable that she's digging through your stuff. She loves and cares about you that's the only reason why she's doing that. It's irritating but at least she cares. Talk to your mum about whats going on in your life.

Answer 4

Personally, I wouldn't ever go through my daughter's things unless I suspected she was engaged in something that could endanger her, like drugs. And then I would talk to her first before invading her privacy!

Talk to your mom and find out what's she's looking for. Maybe she's afraid you are doing something harmful and just needs some reassurance. But when you talk to her, remain respectful and non-accusatory or you will only make matters worse.

Answer 5

It's her house, she can go where she wants to.

Answer 6

When I was that age, my parents snooped too...and although I was beyond ANGRY at the time...looking back I see they had good reason to. Long story but we will just leave it at that.

I know how annoying it is though. Do you have anything to hide? Try talking with her about it. Ask her what she is looking for, or thinking she may find? Maybe getting it out in the open will help her to be more trusting and comfortable.

Let her know that you aren't up to anything she needs to be worried about and also let her know that if you need anything at all, you will go to her. Maybe she is afraid you are keeping things, in trouble, etc. If she knows you trust her enough to talk with her about any issues that come up, she might be less inclined to snoop.

Or, if you are hiding something/up to something you know is bad...turn things around for yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 7

well, im 14, and my mom does this also, she just wants to kno wuts up in ur life, so maybe if u talk 2 her about it, and r a little more open with her she will lighten up, wut i told my mom wus that she could trust me i wasn't doing anything behind her back and if she stops snooping that i will b more open with her, confronting is ur best bet

hope this helps :)

Answer 8

She's probably not looking for anything in particular.... just checking for drugs, condoms etc....

I suggest talking to your mum about it and asking why there is a lack of trust.... say you understand she has her concerns but also that want your privacy and personal space.

hope this helps :D

x*x

Answer 9

I guess there are 2 sides

Either she has a genuine concern that you are doing something she wouldnt want you to OR

She is invasive!

It is tough to see your little girl grow up and become a young woman! We dont want to lose you! We want to protect you and not let all the awful things "out there" get you! BUT I know that my dd will have to go out there herself and make mistakes( hopefully not too big ones, but my dd knows I will be there for her if everything goes wrong), make her own decisions and choices, and live her own life.AND her room is a real mess so I avoid going in!!lol

I think it is time for you to talk to your mum- try to be calm and rational- perhaps ask her if there was anything in particular she was looking for, and that you would rather she talked to you about it than went behind your back!

Some mums find it hard to talk to their kids- not only did a lot of our parents find it hard, but it really is a different world from when we grew up!( imagine, no computers, (in uk) 3 tv channels, no computer games, no mobile phones,  ...oh I could go on but I wont...I sense eyes glazing over already!!lol)

Answer 10

It's a totally normal parent thing to do - what's yours is theirs! She's looking to NOT find anything (hopefully) bad - such as drugs, etc.

Talk to her about it - but be nice.

Answer 11

well my mum is the same way she always does that not saying that ur doing anything wrong but she could be looking 4 something like birth control a diary or anything else that a regular parent wouldnt like to see

Answer 12

Probably because she doesn't trust you. My mum likes to keep a tab on what I'm up to, like she always asks me what I did today and what time I got home etc. She trusts that I will not lie and I would not bring things into the house that would disrespect the trust my mum gives me. Even if I was doing something I shouldn't be, it is wrong to bring it home.

She never snoops around my room. Perhaps you need to speak to her and show her you are an adult and are capable of communicating with her. I think this is where most parents go wrong. Parents need to teach their children to make the right decisions for themselves, rather than playing private eye and finding out something has gone wrong when it's too late.

Answer 13

shes just checkingg making sure your still safe and not using drugs etc and now your 15 maybe checkin if your practising safe s*x  or maybe shes just a nosey mum ask her or if you don't want to ask put a lock on your door lol but you cant do that till your 16 as shes still got a say on your life till you turn 16

BTW you have a right to privacy i know as Ive been through the system

Answer 14

have you confronted her? i think the best thing to do is to ask her why she is doing it. she proably doesnt even know what she is looking for, she's just worried about you & wants to be a good mum by trying to find out things, just talk to her & ask her what she is looking for then asure her that your not hiding anything. hope this helps :)

Answer 15

i would say it normal to have a look  about  but not going threw in the draws that just taking it to far

Answer 16

Well, I'm not a teenage daughter, but I was once a teenage son. My parents always went along the lines that seeing as it was their house, it's their room to go through if they please!

If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to worry about!

Answer 17

I don't think its right at all I am a soon mum 2 be and was once a teenage daughter.  I think that your mum should be talking to you if she is concerned about what you are "getting up to" Fair enough you are only 15 so she should know what you are getting up to but that is your space.  I have always had a very close bond with my Mum and I hope I will with my Children.  I think the key is communication! If your Mum thought you were doing something you shouldn't be (smoking, drinking, drugs, s*x etc) it should have been spoke about before and her finding anything in your room isn't going to make you stop doing whatever it is now.  You should speak to her and tell her that she can trust you and if there is anything she wants to know that she can speak to you and hopfully if you have any problems or questions you can ask her too!!

Answer 18

A lot of people feel that it is the parents right to go through their child's things, and legally, it's true. Technically, it's their house, and they can do as they please.

That being said, it's a huge violation, and in my opinion completely inappropriate. My mom has always made it clear that she will never ever snoop through our things. It doesn't matter if we leave our diaries open on the kitchen table (which doesn't really matter since neither of us keeps a diary). She will simply close it and move it to our sides of the stairs.

Unfortunately, this is a rare thing.

If I were you, I would sit your mother down and talk to her calmly and rationally. Don't whine or complain (though I'm sure you wouldn't), simply talk to her as an adult. Ask her what it is that she is looking for, and why she feels a need to look through you things rather than just talking to her.

Make it clear that you aren't doing anything wrong, and tell her that you feel invaded and hurt when she searches her room. Remind her gently that she would feel the same way if you were to go through her things, and ask her what it is that she needs you to do for her to trust you.

Hopefully she will see that the searches aren't necessary, but if not, make a game out of it. Leave notes for her in the places she searches with messages like, "Don't forget to close the drawers when you're done, Mom," or, "Mom, you forgot to check under my bed last time, so to make things easier, I just pulled everything out for you. See the bin next to my desk," things like that. Hopefully she'll take the hint, but at the very least she will know that you are aware of the searches and you can have a bit of fun.

Avoid leaving things around. If you have something you want kept personal, such as a diary, don't keep it in your room. Don't "plant" things, such as fake diaries, or other things you think she might be looking for, because that will only make you seem more immature, or even justify the searches in her mind.

Good luck, and remember, in three years you can move out and not have to worry about things like this any more.

Answer 19

She is just doing what a lot of mums do!  My mum went through all of my stuff at some point or another.  She will be checking to see if you are smoking, having s*x, doing drugs, drinking etc.  If you havent done anything wrong then i would just leave her to it she will eventually realise that she can trust you and in the mean time you could have some fun with it . . .like planting a note to her!

Answer 20

Your privacy should be respected. As the step father of a 15 yr old girl, I understand also why your mother is doing this. You need to tell her that she can trust you. Can you tell your mum anything? This is how we have started communicating with our daughter. She can tell us anything and wewill give her our advice. I understand that I can't stop her doing anything but I can advise against it. Speak to your mum!!

Answer 21

When I was young my Mum did a similar thing, just nosey I think. However, with my own kids I made it a rule never to go through their stuff or read their letters. We are entitled to privacy even as a youngster.

Are you sure she isn't just moving the stuff around when she cleans and puts your washing etc away?

It is possible that with all the scary stuff in the media about drugs, teenage pregnancy and Internet problems she might just have your safety in mind. Teenagers always think they know everything and forget that mums were that age once too! Maybe she just wants to protect you.

Try having a chat with her and ask what is worrying her. Maybe you can have a heart to heart and put her mind at rest.

Answer 22

Im 20 years old, I moved out when i was 17 and my mum is as nosey as ever! She isnt happy unless she knows the ins and outs of everything, Although i do think its out of order for mums to go through private things, Unless they suspect something seriously wrong.

Maybe ask your mum what she is actually looking for and tell her she could just as easily ask you, Instead of snooping. Tell her, That you are loosing all trust in yours and her relationship, as she obviously doesnt trust you.

Answer 23

shes probably looking for any evidance of anything youve been up to, i'm guessing condoms, f**s, alcohol, lighters, notes from boys. anything like that.

ask her why she has been going through your draws, don't allow her to deny it.

Answer 24

my mum never done that and i dont think this is normal at all. sounds like ur mum has trust issues.

And if i was a mum i would not do this to my kids

Answer 25

well seeing as how its her hosue and she pays the bills, she ahs every right to go through your things. you shouldnt have asny reason to be upset if you arent doing anyhting wrong, have you been sexually active or given your mom reason to think you are doing something?

Answer 26

I have a 13yr old daughter and no I wouldn't go through her room it's her's not mine but on the other hand if I was really concerned and needed to then yes I would because I love her and would do it because I would be looking for evidence so that I could deal with it and help but  it would have to be something really worrying for me to look in her personal space.

Answer 27

It's the other way round in my house, my 15 year old daughter raids my room and pinches my clothes and make up, we have loads of rows about it.

I have never snooped in her room, only gone in there to find stuff she has nicked from me.

Answer 28

ok well i am 14 turning 15 and if i was you i would confront my mother on why she is doing it. my opinion of what is is looking for is probally condoms drugs smokes or a pregnancy test or even birth control pills but if i was you that would irritate me too and just ask her why she is doing it and what she is looking for

Answer 29

I'm a mum with 2 teenage daughters(14)+ (16) and I can admit to you that I have snooped round their room.  When my oldest was about 13 I found a diary and started to read it.... I wish I hadn't as she had wrote about doing things with a boy (not s*x) but too much for a 13 year old girl to be doing.  I went ballistic and she went mad for snooping and invading her privacy but we had a good talk about how precious her body is and that she should respect herself a little more.  But now I dont snoop because if there is anything to hide us mums have a sixth sense and hopefully whatever it is that we fear may be going on we would hope that you could tell us about it!!

Answer 30

i am a mom of 6 teenage daughters. so yes it is a common thing. talk to your mom about it and ask what she feels she is looking for. and ask her why she feels the need to look through your stuff. if you want to treated like an adult you must show her you can act like one..