Question for married couples...?

Question

My husband and I are best friends. Aside from school and work, we do most everything together. I feel a little out of the box if I go out with my girlfriends and he's not there (we ALL usually go out together with their boyfriends/husbands).

I was recently told that it's not healthy for our relationship that we spend all of our spare time together. Is there any truth to this statement? It kind of sounds absurd to me.

My friend (who said this to me) has frequent arguments with her husband so could she be saying this with a tad of jealousy?

Anyway, my question is: Is it emotionally healthy to spend all of your spare time with your spouse?

Answer 1

Absolutely!  My husband and I have been married close to fifteen years and do most things together.  I can safely say it is wonderful you guys get along so well and I am sure she is jealous of your good situation.  Best of luck to you both in your happy and healthy marriage.

Answer 2

I think it's lovely that you can't get enough of each other and love spending time together. Don't worry about what's average or what others do. Not every couple is best friends who genuinely enjoy each other, so love what you have!

Answer 3

kinda you need to talk 2 others trust me

Answer 4

The reason people are saying that is because sometimes if people spend too much time together they get bored of one another. But don't worry. If both of you feel right to be together allmost all the time, it means that works for you. Me and my husband spend allmost all our time together, and we have a great and healthy relation. We do sometimes go out separately, but only if one of us is busy and can't come, or simply if I meet one of my grilfriends - my friends can't talk about certain things if someone else is around, like private things, it is norman for girls to meet alone sometimes - IF THEY FEEL LIKE IT

Also, sometimes he feels like playing on the computer, so I find something else to do. We do have time that we spend apart - not a lot, just a little that allows both of us a bit of privacy. It is not unhealthy being together all the time, unless one of you feels the need for privacy

Answer 5

I have been married twice. It is ok to spend time with your spouse but eventually if you spend all your time with them you will start to argue a lot. Everybody needs time to themselves and time to do their own thing. there is gonna be somethings he wants to do that u wont and the same for you.  

Answer 6

well there is two ways i can answer this. from personal experiance i feel no its not harmful to spend all of your time with somebody you love. because as i have stated in other answers to poeple on this topic my wife to me is more to me than just my wife she is my best friend and i love her company. i have also considered her one of the guys. but on the other side of the coin, after 18yrs. of marriage and three kids. we seem to be having some hard times rightnow because she says she has changed over time and needs more time,or space to herself. so depending on your relationship, and how long you have been together. i am learning that we both need to find a balance of knowing when she needs her space, and when i can just include her in as one of the guys. to keep a marriage stong.

Answer 7

I don't see any thing wrong with spending every moment together.

IT is find if you going out with friends and he is going out with friends.

but normally married couple they are together.

after long day from work and they want time together and that is normal to me.

Should spend as much time as you can because when you starting to have kids you both will not have much time together until kids grow up and go away to college.

Listen girl, as long as you two are happy than what the worry about what other think. I think your friend get jealous, because after you got married you don't  have time with them any more

Answer 8

The couples who I have seen that DO   have been together along, along time.   I'm not sure if it's because one of them is so possessive or not though.

One couple I know that are so close and always together........all good, but you know.........they made terrible parents. They adopted. And even though they had the kind hearts to adopt, they left the kids all the time with sitters and stuff, like the kids were just their puppy, play things.  Botht the adopted kids don't have much to do with them now.

IF it's what makes you and hubby happy, then I suggest keep going the way you are.

I wouldn't accuse my friends of being jealous though. Not right to place tags on anothers head.  

You'd think maybe sometime, you will grow and each find new hobbies or something to have your own space, but I suppose it may come with time.  As long as your happy  

Answer 9

It isn't necessarily a bad thing to get along so well that you spend most or all of your spare time together but think of it like this: Do you really NEED to spend all that time? Do you have friends and lives of your own? It becomes unhealthy and co-dependent when neither of you has friends, lives, or hobbies of your own to do.  It's not completely unhealthy but it's not completely healthy either to do what you're doing.

Take some time apart and grow a little bit independently. Learn something new and then come back to share it.  

Answer 10

i think that there's some truth to that statement, i mean i know that when i spend every waking moment w/my spouse  we do end up arguing alot, as opposed to if he's not w/me all the time.So when they say that its not healthy, i think they mean in the sense that it creates problems w/the spouse, if u are constantly w/them, and u do end up getting into arguments which it don't have to be!

Answer 11

My husband and I are also best friends, and were best friends before we ever got 'romantic' with each other.  He works, I stay home (retired).  Like you, we do most everything together.  We do have separate lives, though.  Although our computers sit side by side and we do play WoW and other MMRPGs together, we also do separate things while sitting side by side.  I am a reader and he is only a fitful reader, so we can both 'escape' from each other for a time without being 'apart' farther than in different parts of our apartment.  Like you, I feel 'out of the box' if I'm out without him when he's not at work ... but like your friend (somewhat) I'd like to hit my husband upside the head with a large piece of wood when he knows there are things we should be doing and he just wants to 'sit and space' (as now).  Okay, he's fixing our breakfast right now, but what I am telling you is that if you find your own small things you do, his small things he does, then it doesn't matter if you are together all the time ... in fact, your marriage will be stronger because of your closeness.  Don't worry, be happy, you're married!  Nuff said?  

Answer 12

I don't think one size (or answer) fits all. While I firmly believe married couples have and should retain an individuality, I think how much time they spend together or apart is unique to each and every couple. I've seen couples who are (from all appearances at least) extremely tight-knit - they truly love and cherish each other - that have a lot of diverse interests and do some activities apart from each other and visa-versa.

Talking to some elderly people, occasionally, you'll find someone who has lost their spouse and they never remarried. If you ask them why, they'll say that they had the one and only special person to them. No one else is for them. They aren't depressed, per se - they just know that no one else can and will have that uniquely special place in their heart that the one they lost had.

Answer 13

You don;t have to be around each others neck all the time...definitely not. All you have to do is appreciate one another and give each other their space.  Your marriage will flow nicely if you do this. Trust is a big issue and so never break that trust.

When the wife wants to go out with the girls, kiss her and say I love you have a good time.

When the guy wants to go out she kisses him and tells him she loves him and to have a good time.

Compromise and you both will enjoy living with each other.

Now this is what happened to my buddy next door. He tells his wife he's going bowling and his wife catches him in the act kissing another lady he was bowling with because she didn't trust her husband was bowling so she decides to drive down and see for herself and whamo.

It didn't go down very well with her I'll tell ya that. I was there and seen the whole thing. It was funny as h**l.

Answer 14

The longer you both are in the marriage, the sooner neither one of

you wants to be out without the other.

Answer 15

you do need to spend time doing things apart but i think its beautiful that you enjoy one another company, sometimes i feel guilty going out with my friends but i go sometimes so that i have a life outside of him

Answer 16

She sound jealous. What's wrong with spending all your free time with him... nothing. That's the way it should be. You should want to be together. When you start wanting to spend time apart, that's when you need to worry. You're friend may not have said it in a jealous moment about your relationship with your hubby, she may be jealous of not getting spend quality time alone with you. Maybe you could set aside some time just for her.

Answer 17

don't let others nosy opinions get to you.  I get people telling me that I have a lousy marriage because we have separate bedrooms and that I don't go play cards with him.  The truth is that we enjoy our quality time together and apart. I like to read and do art work and I am happy doing that while he plays cards with the guys.  That is just us and we are happy that way.  we do sleep together 90% of the time, but in any of our 2 bedrooms.  It sounds like you 2 are happy the way you are don't let jealous people ruin the good harmony in your lives

Answer 18

My wife and I spend MOST of our free time together, but everyone needs a little space.  We married when we were a little older, but it sounds like you are young (you mention school), so its important for you both to have some independence.  If something were to happen with your relationship, you need to be able to survive by yourself.

Answer 19

I don't think so if your around each other alot you have no reason to miss them... It's good to go do things separately...Free time on your own..

Answer 20

I know that my wife and I spent 3 months off from work for our honeymoon after we got married. We could have taken a trip anywhere in the world (as a wedding gift) but we instead took the money and spent every moment together...

We were so tired of beign with each other that we were begging each other to go back to work just so we could have some personal space ...

but, that was just us, it may work out for you ...

Answer 21

its also healthy to have a nite out with the girls type thing or guys nite out a little time apart will make you grow stronger together  

Answer 22

My hubby and I used to spend all of our spare time together also. We found that it really is good to do some things without each other, then we have something to talk about that the other one has not heard or seen. It helps keep it fresh--plus it's kinda nice to miss each other once in awhile.

Answer 23

As long as you are both happy, you should spend as much spare time as you can together.  There is nothing wrong with spending all your spare time together as long as it is what you (BOTH OF YOU) want to do.

As long as we are talking about SPARE time.

I have been married for 10 years, and have a great relationship with my wife.  We spend almost all of our spare time together.  For us "me time" happens at work, or during the commute, or during occasional errands where bringing the children would be difficult (1 person goes, 1 person stays with kids).  I would not classify any of those as "spare time".  

Keep in mind that as you advance in your career, have children, "spare time" becomes a lot harder to find.  You will probably want to spend all of it with your immediate family (spouse + children).   I think it is important that you be able to fullfill as many of your emotional needs from your spouse as possible.  Everybody needs an "escape" where they can talk, vent, or even just relax and think without their spouse around.  However, at least for us, it works better if the escape is found with friends at work (maybe during lunch).  Or with other friends when my spouse couldn't be there anyway.  Or even just sitting in traffic alone with the music cranked up.  

It sounds to me like you have a great relationship, enjoy it.

--just my opinion.

Answer 24

Don't worry about the opinions of others.  You have a long life ahead where maybe your interests will diverge, and maybe not.  But for now if the two of you want to do everything together, good for you.