Question for mom's with preemies!?

Question

What helped you get through the time spent in the NICU...besides the fact that your son/daughter was in there. I mean...sometimes it is just so hard! I don't mean to sound selfish at all, its just hard to sit there and watch all these mothers feeding their babies, and when they bring in the car seats, you know another baby is going home.

My daughter was born 3 months early, only 3 weeks ago. So I have a ways to go, at least another month or more(probably more). Anyone else gone through this? I don't know if I'm slightly depressed or not either...

Answer 1

My girl was two months early- spent two weeks in the hospital. So much shorter of time. They say you know if your a preemie mom when you go from hating the same nurse to wanting to hug her in the same day. It was so true for me. I just wanted to do things my way and everyone to leave us alone. It was really hard to watch the other babies leave, but remember soon you will be one of them! I think the best advice I got was to just focus on my daughter, ignore everything else and just be with her as if everything is normal. It made me relax and not stress about the monitors or even when she was coming home because I just pretended it was normal. For the most part I could do this. I cried lots at home which helped relieve some of the emotions too. It is completely normal how you are feeling, it is very hard to just sit there and watch your little one when you want to do so much more. Once my girl was home and I knew everything was okay I felt lucky to have met my girl so early - I didn't have to wait the nine months to get to hold her. I got to watch her finish her growing on the outside. I would have done anything to go full term but once it happened I just tried to find positives. Best wishes and warm thoughts to you and your little one. Don't feel guilty for your emotions, they are natural  

Answer 2

I went though the same thing as you.  My son was 2 months premature and was in the ICN for 3 1/2 weeks.  I lived an hour and a half away so i stayed at my cousins on a air mattress.  It was the hardest thing i've ever gone through.  I lost all of my baby weight plus some just due to stress.  All i can recommend is get alot of rest and take  some time for yourself.  I know it seems like she'll be in there forever. But, it really is for the best and she'll be going home in no time.  My son is 3 months old now.  When i think back i remember how hard it was but it seems like such a short time he was in there and now i have him home and know he's healthy.

Answer 3

I never went through this but my best friend did back in Jan...her baby was born 10 weeks early when her water broke and they couldn't keep her pregnant any longer...she delivered a beautiful baby girl...3lbs 7oz...anyways....she would just spend alot of time there with her baby even if it was just sitting there being with her....It wasn't too long around 4 weeks later she was able to feed her and hold her more and more each time she went to visit...she spend alot of time on the phone with the nurses when she was at home...the hospital was 2hrs away and she also had 14 month old son at home...she just spent as much time as she could and knew for everyday her baby was there she was getting stronger to be able to come home...they said her baby would be in the NICU for around 8-10weeks and guess what she was only there for 6 weeks...she is now 7 months old and small but she is a normal healthy little lady....good luck...

I was also born premmie....12 weeks early too....I was 3lbs 1oz...I was in there for almost 3 months and my dad and mom would take turns coming to visit...You might be having some PPD maybe you could talk to your DR and get you on a med just for a while until things calm down for you....

good luck with your little baby

Answer 4

I was there and I totally understand what your going through. Its hard, I lost all my baby weight while I was with my son in the NICU, and mine was only 10 days, I cant even imagine the emotions your feeling. You have to sleep as much when you can, and rely on your family members or friends to be supportive. Yes, what was hard for me was having this 6pd 9ounce baby and watching moms whos babies were only 5 pounds going homw. But you have to think of the positives. Your baby is healthy, happy, and being well cared for. You will appreciate going home more than a mom who gets to go right home from the hospital, its the best. So just know I have been there. It hurts, its annoying, but remember its in the best interest of your baby, which is the most important thing. If you wanna talk or have any more questions let me know, i hope i helped. Keep your head high and try to be happy, it helps in the end!

Answer 5

I never had a preemie, but one of my close friends did.  I remember her telling me how hard it was also.  She became close friends with the nurses and other moms there.  It helped.  Also they had info for her about support groups for preemie parents.  Just try to spend as much possible time with her.  It helps her grow.  

If you are feeling depressed about this it is normal, but if you think you need something ask your OB/GYN.  They can give you an antidepressant.  Don't think that makes you a bad mom at all for feeling this way.  Soon she will be at home with you.  

Answer 6

I have had two preemies born at 30 weeks and one born at 36 weeks. It is a tough road you are on. It will get better. Being slightly depressed is normal. My god you have this beautiful baby that you only get to see so many hrs a day when others have babies they get to take home and love 24/7! Just remember to take lots of pictures of her and look at them when you are home. Pumping milk for her is also a good way to feel like you are giving something to her. bring her a piece of clothing you have worn and not washed to put in her isolette. This way she will get used to your smell  and not just that sterile smell of the NICU. Kangaroo care is also a good way to bond with her. Skin to skin contact is awsome for the preemies. it helps them regulate their body temp. If you want to talk to me about anything you can email me.  I know it is a rough time for you so you can ask me anything! My thoughts are with you!

Answer 7

I'm sure you're depressed.  My son was in there for a week, and it was the hardest thing in my life.  We stayed in the hospital with him, but I wasn't allowed to hold him at all until the last couple of days.  I would suggest singing, talking, and reading to her.  

One regret I have about my son is that I didn't know more.  I have since read about kangaroo care in the NICU.  I don't have any links, but look it up, and form your own opinion. :)  

I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  I'm hoping you have lots of support, and you should probably get some help for the depression for the time.  It went away for me once I took my son home.  

Answer 8

My twins were born 11 weeks early and spent 7 weeks in the NICU. My son had to be airlifted to another hospital and we didn't think he would make it. It's not selfish to feel the way you do and it's totally normal. Giving birth to a preemie and going through the NICU experience is very traumatic. It will affect you for a very long time. It's been over 9 months and I still have moments that I cry. It's not from depression, it's just things that trigger painful memories.

How to get through it? Honestly, you just have to take it day by day. Get excited about the little improvements and remind yourself that each improvement brings your daughter closer to coming home.

Talk to the nurses and other parents. They all understand what you are going through and can help you work through it. I remember my first breakdown at the NICU. I couldn't figure out how to use the pump they had there and it caused a landslide of emotions. I broke down crying in the pumping room. Another woman came in and found me on the floor weeping. She talked me through it. If you need to, see a counselor or join a group. Many of the hospitals have resources available to parents of preemies.

Get a support system to lean on. My husband was mine. Whenever I couldn't cope, he would help me and vise versa. When I would say that I wanted them to come home now he would remind me that they were where they were supposed to be. We couldn't take care of them yet. And when we could, they would come home.

Another thing that helped was calling close friends to tell them about improvements. I'm sure I drove them nuts, but it helped me to focus on the positives.

If you ever need to vent or have questions, you can contact me. I wish the best for you and your daughter. It seem like forever, but it will be over before you know it!  

Answer 9

my daughter was not born early but the hospital messed up an i had to stay there for 7 extra days while they ran tests and poked her and shoved needles in her left and right.they took her blood by scraping it off her foot 3-4 times a day i felt horrible standing there while she screamed in pain she still to this day does not like her feet touched.that iv in her leg made one h**l of a bruise..i know that is not as bad as what you are going threw but what helped me was my husband..and just getting to see my daughter..i had my laptop to help with time and i read and watched tv..my husband never left either so if that is a possibility for you and when he did go home to shower or whatever family would come by..just find hobby's you like to do that keep you busy that you can take to the hospital we had a monopoly game and as i said i know these things are different but i was just trying to help! so i hope it did

Answer 10

It's tough, we did a 4.5 month "sentence." Learn everything you can while you're sitting there with her, become the expert on your baby. When you know your daughter the best, there will be a time you can help her. You can be her best advocate.

Try to find the humor in things. I know, it's tough, but it can help break the stress. You'll see that's what the staff does, especially if you're there late at night.

Get in some reading. Make plans. Write letters to your daughter.

Get to know other parents. This can be hard emotionally, because there will be tragedies, but it really helps when you have someone going through what you are going through right there to talk to. I'm still in touch with several parents from the nicu and it's been many years. It's a bond that is unbelievably strong.

Join the nicu support group, you'll be helped and you'll help others. Think of something you can do later to thank the nicu - books, coloring books, crayons, toys for the waiting room, something for the nurses' room, disposable cameras for new parents, etc.

Of course you're a bit depressed -- you'd have to be crazy not to be! Walking is very helpful for moderate depression, it's a great stress reliever, and you'll end up with tight buns. Take breaks from visiting your daughter when it starts to get really hard. Walk around the hospital or the neighborhood. It will help clear your mind. Take another parent for a walk. Plan to walk the next March for Babies (March of Dimes). Usually they are about 5 - 6 miles.

I HAD to be at the nicu all the time except when I needed to sleep, which wasn't much time, I'm sure you know what I mean. I just couldn't be away from my son. But try to get as much sleep as you can, you'll need the energy when your daughter comes home. These lil ones tend to be persnickety and high maintenance. And total worth it. = )

Warm wishes for a short nicu stay!