Question for other pro authors?

Question

Like a lot of working writers, I need some physical and mental isolation in order to write, something my partner unfortunately doesn't seem to understand. I sometimes can't write until she's out of the house, and she's convinced this means I look forward to her going out as if I want rid of her. She can become very upset at times. How can I convince her otherwise, and how do other professional authors deal with this kind of situation?

Answer 1

I personally think this is a matter of respect. It is time to have a serious talk with your partner. She needs to understand that this is part of who you are. You both need to be willing to make compromises.

There must be something she likes to do and you both need to work on the give and take. Ask her to perhaps give you a certain amount of time alone in exchange for some quality time together.

You should not be expected to apologize for being who you are and you shoulod not claim fault for something that is no one's fault. You are two different people and if your relationship is to work, then you BOTH need to recognize this. I would hope your partner loves you enough to be working this out.

My husband and I are from different countries, different religions, and different backgrounds. I am a voracious reader, writer, publisher. My husband has literally no interest in any of those things, but he loves me enough to let me have my space. And I love him enough to not let it interfere, but I won't give it up. Neither one!

Respect goes both ways.

Karen Syed

http://karensyed.blogspot.com

Answer 2

I feel for you, but I agree with Mike B. My wife and I have a similar problem, but I invested in some ear-plugs. Work is slower than it used to be, but my marriage is more important- especially now that we have a 4month old baby. Physical isolation is easy to find- I take my dog out for a walk.

I think this is one of the things where you both have to learn to compromise. Your partner has to acknowledge that this is how you earn your living, and you have to realise that it's your partner's home as well (and put yr ear-plugs in). Failing that, go and do it at your local library.

I hope you don't think I'm being rude, but if you are completely unable to write unless your partner is out of the house, I suspect that the problem lies with you. Writers are superstitious bunch, and I've heard about people who are completely unable to work unless they have a particular type of pen, or paper, or lucky doll sitting on the desk in front of them. Your problem might be similar to that.

If I am blocked for more than two days, I do 'stream of consciousness' exercise, I look at my work and perhaps work on another scene, or character. If you are free-lancing, try having more than one project on the go- sometimes the harder we try with one project, the harder it becomes.

I tell my wife that the reason she is such a distraction is because I still enjoy her company more than any of my fictional characters.

Answer 3

i usually get out of the house or i sit in my room barracade the door and stick some loud music on when i writing they understand so they leave me alone i dont have to worry so i dont really know what to say. but instead of upsetting her tell her that this is important to you and that some space is important but dont neglect her that is not the best thing you could do

Answer 4

Instead of offending my family I sometimes take myself away from the house during "office hours". By not working whilst she is there you are really giving her the idea that being in her own home is preventing you from working and that she's not really welcome there. I think that you do have to accept that part of the problem lies with you because in order for you to work you are effectively driving her out. It's hardly surprising that she feels upset, anyone would. Have a discussion with her and admit that you have been at fault and she should be a lot more understanding towards you.

Answer 5

I get that way as well when I write. I have to be alone. I can't have any distraction. If she understands your needs and passion she is more likely to be more comfortable with your creative processes. Thankfully my boyfriend does not seem to mind. It gives him a chance to do all the guy things he likes.

Answer 6

     You have to try to learn to block out distractions.  To expect cathedral quiet is fine, but this is real life!  Is it simply your partner's presence that disturbs you, or does she chatter all the time?  If the latter, then talk to her gently and explain the fact that there's a time for talk and a time for work.  If you're actually earning money with your writing, it may be an idea to rent a little office somewhere.  Goodness knows, you wouldn't need much.  Small room, small table, window.  That's it.

Good luck

Mike B

Answer 7

She's a distraction to you, which phrased in the right way, could sound like one h**l of a compliment, Once you explain to her that you find it hard to concentrate on anything else when she’s around, ask her, nicely, to sit down and write something, she will soon see how difficult it is to do with distractions.

Hope this helps.

J.