Question for parents of Kindergarten students. Traffic Light system in class.?

Question

My daughter has been getting yellow & red lights in school over the past year, about once a week and it is slowly increasing. She has been cited for too much talking, not listening, not following directions, hitting other children, spitting on other children and also one occassion in a child's food at lunchtime, kicking a child at rest time, & repeatedly disrupting the class & distracting other students. Her father & I are at our wit's end. We have taken priveledges away & threatened her with punishments. I have done positive reinforcement with a sticker chart for the month. We have had 2 meetings with her teacher and vice principal. She has yet to stop with the behavior. Her teacher said some of the behavior was attention seeking, some not. (and only attention from the other students, not the teacher) I am torn about this. Her father and I are divorced and both remarried. I think she may have emotional issues. I want her to see a counselor while her father is only thinking about $$.

Answer 1

Of course she has emotional issues.  Everyone has emotional issues. If you go with the therapy route, know that it will be alot more effective if both you and your ex-husband go too.

Answer 2

First, don't wait for the guidance counselor to tell you if they've been seeing your child or not, go talk to them yourself! Be a pest and ask them for results. Don't wait for them to come to you!

Also, if you think she needs counseling, then take her! Who cares what her father says? You need to worry about what's in your child's best interest first and not worry about the legalities or money.

Continue rewards for good behavior and chart when she is doing better. Give her lots of praise and attention when she's doing as she should (or doing BETTER than she's been) and ignore her when she's being disruptive. If she's an attention seeker, she'll soon start to realize that getting attention for good things is better than no attention.

Answer 3

im usually not the kind of parent to suggest things like this but have you tried a good old fashioned spanking?  i dont like to spank my children but when all else fails i use it as a last resort.

Answer 4

It could be a number of things. She could be acting out because she really wants friends and she's going about it in a wrong way. I would suggest telling her if she can behave in class with green lights for a week you will have a party and invite friends from school. Or try to arrange a play day and watch how she interacts with kids at home.

Also it could be a case of ADD, my sister handled her ADD the same way. Acting out because she was frustrated that she could not focus. She wasn't aware of this completely at a young age and it took a meeting with a local behavioral counselor to diagnose it. Sometimes they are upset because the other kids seem to know how to perform in the daily activities and she doesn't.

Another reason is because she's just being a little booger because her parents aren't around. My ex had a daughter who liked to kick and spit and hit and even insisted on coming and going out of the classroom as she wished. They always called me to handle it because I worked closer. I had a very understanding boss who would let me leave for a few minutes to handle it. At first I didnt know what to do and didn't feel comfortable with spanking her. Sooo, I got creative. For example if the kicked or hit someone I would put a pillow in front of her and say okay your want to hit/kick, then you can hit/kick this pillow and make her hit and kick it till she is just too pooped. Or if she went outside of the classroom I would make her open and close the door until she just couldn't anymore. And if it was spitting I would give her a cup and make her spit till she couldn't anymore. It worked because it wasn't fun if I came up to handle it and she lost her fire in the classroom. It took a little while but they were willing to work with me and her because they knew I was trying to handle the situation calmly and strictly.

Counseling does work and if you feel she needs it then she needs it. How much is it worth for have an emotionally balanced child? Especially if you are going through custody battles the father can easily say that in your care she is acting out and these issues are documented in school. If you have her in counseling for it then it shows you are a good parent trying to fix what is going on. Keep in mind when you are talking to step dad about issues or her father, make sure you do it in private where little ears cannot hear. Sometimes they overhear things and that can bear a heavy load on their little shoulders. Talk to the teacher on a daily basis. Call the counselor yourself and even offer to come and have a session with your daughter. Make sure you are in touch and let them know you would like to have these sessions start as soon as possible.

I wish you luck. It is so hard as a parent when you feel like you are doing nothing but getting onto your child all the time. Heck you want to praise and have fun with her.

Answer 5

Well, check up on the guidance counselor at school, and make sure she is going..and insist on reports from the counselor, if they don't have her in there yet...keep calling until they do. There was a little girl in my daughters kindergarten class last year, her mother and father were divorcing...he was physcially and emotionally abusive, she really was a very very sweet child, and we loved her to death, and we still do, and invite her over whenever possible, she is as rotten as can be, but still very very sweet and adorable, she is getting much better now. but she did have to see the guidance counselors....it was about the 3rd day at school (she was held back a year also do to her problems) and she waved to a man walking through the lunch room, and then turned to me with a toothless grin and stated "I know all the guidance counselors" I know you can't imagine it...but it was too funny, you would just have to know her. its understandable that your daughter is acting as she is..its probably an emotional roller coaster for her, and its ashame that her father can't see that and straighten up his own emotional baggage. but keep checking with that counselor..it can work wonders for a child to have someone else to talk to, you know how it is..if you know mommy is already having some trouble, it makes it kinda hard to talk to parents about and add more trouble, and believe me..at this age they can and do think that way. so keep calling until you know if she has seen that counselor, and keep calling for reports from the counselor, and if all else fails and they are dragging they're feet about it, go into the school and demand to know that if they are sending home reports and requesting conferences on your child's behavior why are they not helping?...as for the teacher and changing teachers.....make sure that the teacher does have the understand and compassion to deal with your child and the emotional problems she is feeling. I hope all works out for you. and remember..while she needs discipline, always make sure the love you show her, and the praise outweighs the bad..that can help alot too.

also to..have another talk with the teacher, alot of times when things like this occur, the child is labelled as a trouble maker...is she given a fair chance each and everyday, or does the teacher go in every morning already thinking your child is going to misbehave that day..and looking for it? my daughters teacher last year did this, and we had to have several conferences...there were even situations (my daughter was labelled as the talker of the class and not paying attention) where it wasn't my daughter talking, but someone else, but the teacher had labelled her in her own mind as the "talker" and therefore my child was the one to get in trouble. so we had to have discussions upon discussions with the teacher about her not labeling our daughter, there was some push and shove before the it finally became clear to the teacher that we wouldn't put up with labeling. now..that of course might not be the whole situation with your daughter (due to the kicking, hitting, and spitting) but she should have a clean slate and a fair chance each and everyday from her teacher. another thing to try is writing, whenever my daughter does something wrong I make her write it 20 times. for instance

"I will not hit people" or "I will not .....blank blank blank blank..etc"

Answer 6

When the parents go threw a divorce, the first thing the children usually think it that its their fault.Why don't you ask her if she thinks its her fault that you two are separating and if she says yes, they explain to her why your not together anymore.When my 5 yr old sons father and girlfriend broke up my son didn't want to go over there anymore and was saying that they don't like or love him.He was also having problems at school like not doing his school work and throwing it away in front of his teacher.I asked him if he thought it was his fault that his dad and step mom weren't together anymore and sure enough he said yes.So I told his dad why he hasn't been wanting to come over.Him and I both talked to our son reassuring him that it wasn't his fault , after that his whole attitude towards school completely changed and he is back to his normal self again.Some people don't realize that a divorce effects the whole family. They are concentrating so much on why they broke up and sometimes forget about the children and the way it effects them.

Answer 7

If money is an issue contact your local health dept. They can put you in contact with a sliding scale practice (they charge based on income and it is less expensive then regular practices) or they may have a counsler there.

We go by the checks and stamps system at my daughters school, they get checks for misbehavior ( 3 or more checks and the teacher sets up a meeting with the parent) and the get stamps for good behavior. There is a calander attached to there takehome folder so the parents see each day what the child got. Our daughter was also misbehaving but it was just talking when not suppose to and distracting others.

We have a system at our house. If you get a check you loose all electronic ( No tv, radio, computer video games) if you get two checks you loose all electronics and her favorite toy is taken away until she gets two stamps in a row ( at least two days) We have never had 3 checks and I am not sure what we would do then.

However as an insentive to not getting checks we set up a rewards system. If she goes two weeks with no checks and only stamps she gets extra tv time for the day ( she only is allowed 1/2 hour of tv so instead she could watch an hour) if she goes 30 days with no checks then she can pick out a small toy ( less then 5 dollars) at the store.

This has seemed to apeal to her and has seemed to work so far.

However I think you might be dead on about the emotional issues and maybe needing to speak with someone so I would look into the counsling even if her father is only concerned with money, you know in your heart what needs to be done.

Answer 8

Too bad there isn't a fast forward button so that you can show your ex how your child will behave 10 years from now...You really need to act now...get her some counseling and start researching what you can also try to get her back in line...GL

Answer 9

Are these behaviors new?  Did she do this in preschool?  Talking too much in class  is one thing (it can be addressed through reward systems and charts) but aggressive behavior (hitting, kicking, spitting) is another story.  For sure, get some professional help for your daughter.  Guidance counselors are a good place to start, but a social worker or psychologist (if your school has one) would be even better.  They are clinically trained and have the resources to deal with this kind of thing.  Actually, they will probably refer you to someone outside the school.

I don't see how you can afford not to get help at this point.  Does your husband think this is going to get better on it's own?  It will probably get worse.  I have no idea what your divorce was like, how your daughter is relating to her step-father, etc. etc.  Chances are, these life changes are causing some stress for her and she's acting out her emotions in school.  A professional therapist can help identify what's causing the behavior and then work with you to come up with a plan.  Sounds like she has some anger issues to work out.  Now is the time to seek professional help.  Your daughter doesn't have a chance of mastering the academic part of school until these behaviors are addressed. I would call the school guidance counselor, social worker, or psychologist today and ask for a referral to a therapist (a family therapist would be best...child psychologist is fine too).

Yes, it will cost money, and yes it will require work from you and your husband (driving her to appointments and probably participating in the therapy with your daughter) but in the long run, isn't she worth it?      Good luck.

Answer 10

If you've talked to the principals, the teacher and counsellors all ready and nothing has changed then I really don't know where to suggest going next for your child.

It does sound like a personality clash though in the classroom and maybe you need to tell the principal that even though THEY have "confidence in all their teachers" that you don't and you want your child in a different classroom ASAP. Don't back down.  The only other thing I can tell you to try is go sit in school and observe her ALL DAY for a day and see what is going on in the classroom that could be triggering this. There may be something there that the school is not telling you.

Answer 11

The first thing to do is to change teachers..... The two are obviously not clicking, you would be surprised what a difference this makes..... Also with all the changes counseling could work but not always.... I think the teacher should be able to control a lot of these behaviors at school.... Maybe she needs to be doing the positive reinforcement... Helping finding a child your child plays well with and not using so many dang red lights..... I hate that system some of my best children at the childcare go to school with it and end up doing awful get a new teacher or get rid of letting the whole class know they have a yellow or red light and you have a different child again..... sometimes just knowing they have all ready messed up ruins there whole day.....

Answer 12

Have you tried the school guidance counselor?  They can meet with your daughter and try to help her out.  I know our counselors have always been very good.  How old is she?  I could be wrong, but my guess would be she is one of the younger kindergarteners.