Question for parents who have adopted from foster care?

Question

Do your children have any contact with their biological family? What about the biological parents?

I'm just curious, as we plan to adopt from foster care in the future.

Answer 1

my mom has adopted through foster care and my sisters parents had their rights revoked so there is no contact.

but due to the abuse my sister suffered at the hands of her bio parents we would probably have a HUGE problem if they tried to contact her.

Answer 2

We're looking at adopting three boys who currently live about 500 miles from us. We'd plan to make two trips a year to see their bio relatives (their mom is deceased and their father is unknown...two of them, anyway). I look at it as adding to our extended family, and probably an excuse to not have to decide which one of our families to spend Thanksgiving with...because we'd be going to the boys' family.

Answer 3

I'm adopted. I'm trying to get in contact with my bio family. Your child might want to get to know their real parents, like I do. Its not always a bad sitiuation when your in foster care.  Truly the decision is up to your soon to be adopted child.

Answer 4

If you adopt them then it is up to you.  From the families I know that have adopted from foster care only one still see's their biological familu.  Before the adoption they may or may not it depends on the situation.  Good Luck!

Answer 5

Cheers on adopting from foster care, not enough people do it.

It will depend on the family situation, abuse, etc.

Answer 6

We adopted from foster care...We had to choose to let contact continue with his bio family or not.  We chose to let him continue for they were also a part of what was happening.  I wont fool you and say it was easy all the time cause at times it was not.  His bio mom was in jail at the time so there was no contact she also was in another state.  To this day there still is some contact by phone and letters but, once again this is what we choose to do for him.

Answer 7

i'm adopted out of foster care and my birth mother died when i was 5, my birth dad is in jail. i don't visit him at all. nor am i allowed to. none of my family members are allowed contact with me. i also have other sibs who are adopted. only 4 out of foster care. my 11 yo bro is not allowed contact with his mom/family (nor does he want it). my 12 yo sis's parents were killed, and she visits with her other family members (aunts/uncles, etc.) on a reg. basis. my 6 yo bro and his 3 yo sis (siblings) are not allowed contact with their family. it varies per child.

Answer 8

We currently foster 3 children from the same family 5, 3 &1.

We plan to adopt them in a couple of years once the paper work is sorted out.

I plan on letting the kids have contact with their birth parents as long as the parents are willing to be positive and not under the influence of drugs or alcohol when they visit. Also as long as they are willing to have regular contact not just see them once and then not turn up for a year and want to see them again. Its too hard on the kid elsewise.

I grew up without being able to see my biological father, even though he wanted to see me. I dont ever want to hear the question I had to ask my mum reciently asked to me.

"why, if he wanted me, did you not let him see me, why did you let me go all these years believing that he didnt want me or didnt love me"

However this is just me, and the biological parent of my kids, you need to make the judgement for your own kids .

Always put your kids first dont be lead by your pride or fear that your kids will love their biological parents more than you.

Time always tells and even if they want to spend time with them when they are older they will work it out.

Answer 9

I have 7 bros and sisters that were adopted from foster care.  There are 2 of the girls that still see their grandmother.  she has made an effort to be a part of their lives and my parents are ok with that and so are the girls.  Some of the other bio. parents and families have never came around and some have been ordered not to by the court because they have made threats that they will take the kids back. The youngest is 8 and has been with them since he was 2 days old, so their treats really aren't that strong.  I think for every child, it depends on the situation.  Manytimes the family members want contact, but not the parents.  Good luck, you will always be blessed with your decision to help foster children if you decided to adopt or not.

Answer 10

Once the child is adopted by you that is totally up to you. It is different with each parent that wants to adopt and what the situation is. If the parents were abusive, on drugs, in jail, etc...you might not want them to have contact at this time.

If the child has siblings in other foster/adoptive homes....or willing grandparents etc...i think it is very important to let them have contact.

I also don't think you should "hide" the fact that a child was adopted....for many reasons.  Every child has a right to know where they came from and if god forbid something medical in the future is needed.......

It would be better for you to be open from the beginning...even if a baby or toddler...cause when a child get's older......it would be a lot harder on them and they might be angry at you for holding that information etc.

There are a lot of books out there for parents to read to their children about being adopted etc etc.

I just went to an adoption in July and my foster family adopted their one year old....it was an amazing day and they have already started buying books to read to her and have gotten dolls etc from her nationality. They even met the biological parents and were so excited that they got to meet and see them because then they can tell their daughter a little about her past and where her smile came from etc etc.  They have the biological parents names...but the bio parents do not have their last names nor contact info. If their daughter wants to look them up when she is 18......then they will be by her side when she does....!

Good luck!

Answer 11

We've adopted from 3 different families and have different contact with each.  

One family we see about 3x a year - there is a 1/2 sister to my children in that family.  We worked with them for 3 years when we were foster parents, so we are pretty close with the birth mother.  The kids are safe with her but I never leave them unsupervised just in case (her current husband physically abused them). We adopted in 2000 and the kids are now 13 and 11.

With our son's family we only have letter/picture contact - we have a post office box set up for this - he was 4yrs old and his birth parents were addicts so he doesn't see them face to face yet, but it's a possibility in the future if he asks.  He also has a younger brother still in the home, and he has started to ask questions (now 9yrs old).  It may be time to start thinking about some type of contact.

Our daughters don't have any contact, although I've tried.  Their mother has a low IQ and won't respond to emails.  As far as I know, she's still living with the father who abused them, so I'm not pushing it.  They are now 12, 11 and 10.  They express interest to see their former foster parents, but not their birth parents yet.  I'm waiting until they bring it up, then go from there.

With all the kids, I will have a therapist help them, and us, through any visits.  That's not something I would do on my own.  That way, if the visits are detrimental to the kids, the therapist can recommend that visits be stopped if need be.  I won't have to be the "bad guy" in the eyes of our children, or in the birth parents' eyes.

I keep in contact through letters and pictures if the kids aren't ready for contact yet.  Just think about it - when they get older and have lots of questions, or need medical help, I can contact the birth family without the time and energy it would take had I not kept in contact.  I wouldn't have it any other way, for the kids, and for the birth families.