Question for people who understand eating disorders?

Question

I developed an eating disorder at the age of 10, over 30 years ago. I cope very well most of the time. Last December I was diagnosed with a health condition that requires a special diet. I tried to follow the diet, but it caused me to obsess, rebel and binge on the foods I'm not supposed to eat. I decided to forget the diet, and I've felt much better ever since.

Last night I went to Macy's to purchase a pair of jeans. I found the perfect pair and was going to buy them until I checked the tag and saw they were a size smaller than I usually wear. I promptly freaked out, thinking that Macy's and the jean's designer were conspiring against me to make clothes big so I'd think I'm thin when I'm actually fat. I started seeing lots of excess weight and rolls of fat when I looked in the mirror and became frantic. I realized what was happening and calmed myself down. I bought a pair of jeans in the bigger size and left the store. This morning when I got up I had to take my measurements and weigh myself before I did anything else. I have not experienced an incident like this in years.

Here is my question: I think the stress of a restricted diet and counting nutritional values and worrying about my health is what caused this incident, and I'm wondering if you agree and if you know of women like me who have been in my position, able to manage an eating disorder, not able to follow diets, but supposed to for health reasons? What was their solution (or yours)?

(Please don't answer if you don't understand disordered eating, and please do not insult me either.)

Answer 1

I totally think that your right and the diet you were told to follow brought it all back, i used to be bulimic. I'd go on a diet and it would be all working fine id be losing weight and such but id be measuring and weighing everyday in the morning and if i did not lose the pound i wanted to, maybe i just lost like a half instead, id get really discouraged and then binge and then be sad again and purge. eventually i just realized i was going f**king nuts and i needed to stop this insanity so i just decided to set up a schedule, only for exercise though, NOT food. id speed walk every morning for an hour and this gave me peace of mind that i could eat what i wanted throughout the day and not gain anything. Also id always eat breakfast after to rev my metabolism and then just eat when im hungry, not denying myself any food, just eating normal porportions.  i never really felt the need to purge again after that.  

Answer 2

I think this diet that the Doctor gave you triggered the obsession back. I was bulimic-anorexic/binge eater (classic disorder eating...i couldn't just pick one...lol) for ten years and finally had the courage (as did you) to put the disorder behind me....but I know it is always still there.

I went on a diet prior to being in a friends wedding, (she picked an dress even kate moss would feel fat in...ohhh the layers and layers and layers of silk...ok that's another story). I would CRAVE bad things on the diet and stopped myself just short of puking after binging. I didn't want to take that step back in to that because I would then think it was OK to binge and purge whenever I needed to lose a little.

Getting an accountability partner helped me out, and seeing a nutritionist. I found a healthy way to eat without making me get obsessed.

Answer 3

Could you please post what your eating disorder is? anorexia bullimia?

Answer 4

It has a lot to do with Mind; so you have to work on your mind, stop yourself from thinking much about it, and try not to look in a mirror too often. You need to feel more comfortable with yourself and reminding yourself that you're perfect would really help. Counting calories or any other nutrition values are for athletes/bodybuilders, u don't need to worry about it as long as you stick to just basics, and purchase healthy foods, for example, buy wholegrain instead of white, low fat yougurt, milk etc. egg white instead of whole eggs, use olive/coconut oil, eat more fish, chicken, and vegitables, purchase nuts and fruits instead of junk foods, enjoy your food, eat as much food you feel satisfy and full with, there's no need to get in too much depth of nutrition, just stick to these baisc rules and you'll remain healthy and feel better, and there's nothing wrong with treating yourself with any food you want time to time; I myself stay on a tight diet for a whole week but saturday is my cheat day and I eat anything and everything I want this day with moderation and it doesn't seem to have any bad impact on my health. Food is more to enjoy then just feed your body, so enjoy the food. And next time you look in the mirror, look at your self with confidence, try to feel good about yourself and be happy the way you are; gaining and losing a few lbs time to time doesn't hurt, it's just part of life. Don't forget to remind yourself that you are better and beautifull the way you are. Now SMILE :)

Answer 5

Unfortunately eating disorders are near impossible to shake.  The best way to manage is to constantly remind yourself that eating is okay, and gaining a little weight won't hurt.  You did the right thing by buying the larger jeans.  I would suggest throwing out the measuring tape and scale though.  I personally think scales and tapes were invented by evil gnomes who are bent on making you feel fat.  ;o)  Keep healthy foods in your home and avoid fast food/gas station foods like the plague.  Those foods will only make you feel guilty, or cause you to binge.  Also, think about other things you could purchase INSTEAD of bad foods.. make-up, lotions, yadda yadda.  Reward yourself with things that you enjoy rather than going on a binge.  After the reward, you will actually have something to show for your strength, rather than feeling like c**p because you "did it again".  Good luck to you!  :o)

Answer 6

It sounds really possible that the stress of being on a restricted diet led to the incident in the store.  

Really just try not to get down on yourself for it that won't help...you know it isn't your fault.

Honestly, I would consider asking your doctor if I were you.  Does your doctor know about your controlled disorder?  You may find help there...tips on how to deal with the two situations.

There's probably some way to integrate your restricted diet into your everyday life...this would make it far less trouble for you and you would not be focused on it so much.

Is there any way to alter it?  Change the foods or anything to make it more comfortable?

I would definitely consult with your doc, and maybe even a food specialist like a nutritionist or someone for more options.

Good luck.  And congrats on managing your disorder for so long.  Impressive.

Answer 7

the fact that you were told to keep a certain diet for your health condition proves that this disordered eating is a problem that can affect you a lot. unfortunately, it is difficult to realize this completely. just try to eat healthy, ok foods, getting rid of eating too much or what makes you sick as you'd only feel guilty afterwards. it may be hard, but try it easy. also, if you are active, and practise sports, you'll be just fine. you won't get fat that way. i know it must be hard to come to be disciplined about this, but this is the only way to get rid of feelings of guilt.

clothing sizes vary from brand to brand, i've noticed this. same with shoe sizes. sizes are not always the same, even when the number is the same.

good luck, i hope you manage to keep well and healthy.