Question for stay-at-home, homeschooling mom's....?

Question

How long have you been doing it? Has it made you nuts not having a career? I am set on doing the same for my children (first one coming in october) but my uncle lectured me this morning about how im gonna go nuts and that working is just the way society works, and your never going to be able to handle staying home with your kid all the time, which is c**p i think. I need opinions of women who have been doing it for a while. The fact is, he is a man, of course he is supposed to be motivated to have a career, doesn't mean if i dont im immature or unmotivated.

Answer 1

Ichthus90 said it nicely!

Go for it ! Your uncle is wrong. I know parents that have home schooled many children for "years" and have enjoyed it. I home school mine and I too am a student and I work part time.

Answer 2

oh....ME, ME, ME! <waves wildly!>

I *never* planned on having children, much less being a sahm. I was raised by a feminist who fully believed that being a feminist meant you had to have a career.

But when I met my husband, I wanted to have a child with him. And when I was pregnant, I could not fathom leaving him with anyone else, so *I* stayed home. And loved it. So we had another child, again, amazing!!! In fact, we never felt like our family was complete, until we had our seventh child. I LOVE being a stay at home mom. On top of that, after five years in public school, I decided I would love to be a homeschooling mom. And i DO! I've been home for fourteen years. And we've been homeschooling for four.

It's never easy all the time. Only a fool would assure you that it is. But it's always something you'll appreciate. Kids are only yours for such a little amount of time...why sign that all over to someone else? What time they do spend away is time that they can choose, time that is meaningful and full of learning. I also have time away from the kids, we have a sitter once a week, an hour before dh gets off work, so I can have some time just to go sit in a coffee shop and relax/read/etc, and then I pick him up and we eat dinner alone. I also volunteer on several non-profit boards, and dh watches the kids while I do meetings on there. A life at home can be just as important to society (where do volunteers come from, if not from those who don't work?) and just as personally meaningful.

Working is not the way all of society works. There's a whole community of people who thrive on making their choices outside of the mainstream, people who make a living doing what they love. People who travel all year. People who find alternatives. If your heart is telling you to stay home..do it! Besides all of this should be between you and your husband/partner and is really NONE of your uncles business.

Grrrr. For your uncle. Good luck with your pregnancy!!!

Answer 3

My oldest is 25  this year  - so..... 20 years! Wow! we have three graduated thru Home schooling and five to go! (four adopted, one foster)

I was an executive secretary for a major business... in charge of a twelve state region.  It was an adjustment, for sure! But I would not change it for all the free time in the world!

All mothers home school their children if you think about it! You are the one who teaches them to drink from a cup, say words, count, walk, tie their shoe..ETC! Some mothers are able to continue that into an educational level... some are not.  Some homes are able and willing to make the $$$ sacrifice one income will bring.. some are not.  Some women are able and willing to trade high outside stress for stay inside stress! Some get BOTH!

   But i truly believe the "hand that rocks the cradle, rules the world" or at least impacts it!!!

Blessing to you and your new little one!

Answer 4

I have been home full time for 10 years. It was a HUGE adjustment for me - I was very independent and career minded, but the idea of letting my kids spend the majority of their waking hours with someone else just didn't appeal to me.  Why have them to hand them over to someone else for most of the time?

It did make me nuts at first - I am an active person who needs to feel I am completing valuable tasks. Now, being a parent is the MOST valuable job, but especially with a young baby, it doesn't have the same reward feeling you got from working.  No baby looks up at you after nursing for the 10th time in 3 hours and says "Great job Mom, that was really a stellar meal, and the bum-wiping - wow, you're a genius at keeping me rash-free!"  :)  

Anyway, before I started homeschooling I raised dogs for Seeing Eye, I organized a huge reunion for 500+ people, among other things.  I needed those things to give me that short term accomplishment while I labored on my long term life's work of child rearing :)  

Now I juggle working part time with homeschooling. For me, high energy person that I am, it works great.  It can be done.  

Do remember - life is long!  You have plenty of time after raising your family to go back and work, have a great career etc. You CAN do everything - just not al at the same time :)

Good luck

Answer 5

I have been educating my children at home for 8 years now and I get days where they drive me nuts, but I've also been out to work in the past and that drove me nuts at times as well!

I think it's great if women want to stay at home with their children - you will find your little ones will be more secure than if they go to school!

People who criticise home educators haven't got a clue what they are on about - I think they only criticise because they feel guilty about not having the sacrificial capability of doing it!

Go for it - you will  have off days but I can assure you the good times will outweigh the bad times!

Another tip - think it through thoroughly and be confident when addressing people, that it is the right thing to do - always have your answers ready because you WILL get opposition!

I have just answered another question in this section and it came to mind that to have a child at home means that they become the person they are meant to be - not the person the Local Ed Authority/school/government says they should be for their age. Children can work at their own pace and not at the pace of all the others in the class and either speed ahead and get bored or lag behind and get disheartened! Home educated children also have the love and support of a person who wants the absolute best for them no matter what!

Answer 6

I have done lots of part-time secretarial work and even at home secretarial work for years.  You can find something to do that works around homeschooling.

Answer 7

I never planned on being a stay at home mom, but now that I'm doing it, I really enjoy it.

My kids are neat and fun and I like being with them all day.  When we aren't together I really miss them.

We do many interesting projects and activities together.  I am learning new things while homeschooling them, and I was a straight A student in school.

I have some hobbies of my own that keep me busy.  I started a website:  http://www.successful-homeschooling.com

It has been quite a challenge and very intellectually stimulating.  I am active on a few homeschool forums:

http://www.successful-homeschooling.com/...

And I have other moms that I see or hang out with from time to time.

You really can make it work as a stay at home/homeschooling mom.  As with anything, you just have to put in the effort to finding out what's right for you.

Good luck!

Answer 8

My kids have been home educated autonomously (unschooled) for 3 years.

I wouldn't say it has driven me nuts not having a career. And yes, my kids do drive me nuts sometimes, but that goes for everyone right?

But overall, you do need to have a strong desire to want to spend lots of time with your children. That is the only prerequisite I tell people that they need to do this successfully. Not a high level of education, lots of money and whatever everyone will have you believe you need.

Follow your heart - only you know what's best for your children and if you always hold happiness as the key, you can't go wrong.

Good luck!

x

Answer 9

I have been staying home for 10 yrs and LOVE it!

I have always wanted to stay at home for my kids.

I can not understand why women want to work all day and then come home and work all night!

I do know that some women dont' have a choice, I didn't when I had to work.

I have NEVER been bored. Women nowadays are not like the women of yesterday. THey do not WANT to cook, clean, do the things they are suppose to at home. That is why they are bored.

I am in the south where women staying at home is more accepted.

Follow your heart and dont' let others tell you how to live your life, you will regret it.

Answer 10

Unlike a lot of women, I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom.  My plan was to stay at home with my baby (he's now 8) and begin working part-time when he started kindergarten or 1st grade.  However, my son's father divorced me when my son was  just a year old; prior to this, he abandoned us.  Therefore, from the time my son was 6 months old up until he was 6.5 years old (with the exception of a period of 2 months & another period of 5 months), I worked outside of my home.  I've been homeschooling since November 2006.

I decided that by the time my son was about to begin 1st grade, I wanted to work from home to be available to and for him.  My original plan was to drop my son off at school, come home and do my work, and then pick him up from school.  I had no intention/thoughts of homeschooling until about two or three days before my son entered 1st grade.  However, it was just a passing thought.  Yet, when my boy began to complain about boredom in school, his classmates discipline problems, etc., I decided to teach him at home via a "public school at home" program.  However, the curriculum did not work for him, so I decided to homeschool him with the curriculum of my choice.

It's working out great, and he is thriving.  I don't find it difficult to be home with my son.  He is involved with other activities/programs outside of the home.  Also, I work from home and am a full-time online student.  It all works out well, and I have finally achieved the work-life balance I desperately strived for when I worked outside my home.

Having a job/career, working outside of the home, etc., is not entirely a positive experience.  It makes for a very frazzled, tired, irritable mother whose time and energy is stretched to the maximum in a lot of different directions.  Just because you don't want to work outside of the home or have a career certainly does not mean you are immature or unmotivated; in fact, to me, it indicates your maturity and your commitment to your family.

There is no greater "job" than training, educating, and rearing well-balanced children, and it is a "full-time" 24-hour a day, seven day a week endeavor.

Answer 11

I've had a career, I've had kids and a career, I've been a stay at home mom, I've been a stay at home with kids at school and now I'm a homeschool mom.    I've done it all.

Homeschooling my kids IS my career and I wouldn't change it for the world.    I cannot even fathom going back to work and leaving the raising of my kids up to teachers who do not love my kids.    

My oldest is 14 and has been in the system as has my middle child.  Talk about difficult.  Dealing with teachers and learning difficulties, the money that you have to spend at school.  Not my cup of tea.   My kids love being at home (most days) and I love being here as well (most days)  *grin*

I hear some women say they would go nuts if they had to be around their children 24/7 and that makes me sad.   Why have kids if you hate to be with them??

Answer 12

I am the mother of three-a ten year old, a seven year old, and a five month old.  My children have always been homeschooled.

I enjoy my children and do not tire of them.  However, I am also not home with them all of the time.  I go to Moms Night Out, have brunch with friends, my husband and I go out for date night.  I take college courses (for fun) and I volunteer at the Center for Birds of Prey (a hobby of mine).  While I spend the majority of my time with my children, it is not ALWAYS.

I would point out that society seemed a whole lot nicer before it was the norm for the mother to enter the workforce-family was more of a priority, morals and values were more sound, etc.  This is not to insult the mother's who are in the workforce, just pointing out an observance.

I would kindly but firmly tell him that the conversation is over next time-you raise your children how you see fit.  One forum I frequent calls this "passing the bean dip"...i.e. change the subject.  You are most likely not going to change his mind, so instead of getting insulted say "this is some really good bean dip, would you like some?" (for example).

I wish you the best, and congratulations on your little one!

Answer 13

7 years, so far.

Has it made me nuts?  No.  (Could insert a joke here, but decided not to.)

Working is the way society works and homeschooling is *definitely* a form of working.  The two are not opposites, you're just choosing a different line of work.  One with a very limited clientele.  With great long-range payoffs, as well as lots of hugs and kisses.  And one that can give you immense satisfaction in knowing that you are making a great difference in the lives of your children and hence in our society's future.

How *you* are going to deal with homeschooling depends on *you.*  

Personally, I've found it very helpful to get involved in homeschool support groups.  It took awhile to get comfortable in one, but then they started to click.  They provide friends for the kids, educational opportunities with other kids, and mom gets the mental health relief of talking to others who are going through the same thing, who can offer advice on how they handled similar situations, share ideas, etc.

I've found it helpful to have some needed mental health breaks.  (I love my kids a lot, but most of us need an occasional break from them.)  Whether it's just going shopping alone while Dad watches the kids, getting a babysitter while I go on a date with my spouse, going to a mom's night out social event without the kids, or just requiring an after lunch "quiet time" (they can nap or read or play quietly in their room while mom naps, or catches up on housework, or just enjoys a quiet cup of hot chocolate.).   The quiet time, we do most every day.  The others are much rarer, but are needed on occasion.  So, you just figure out the kinds of breaks you'll need and you schedule them in.

Immature or unmotivated?  If you are either of those, homeschooling probably wouldn't be your choice.  

As for the uncle, I'd suggest smiling and nodding and then going about your life as you see best.  Most people are shocked when first told that a loved one is going to homeschool, as most of us went to school.  And if he has kids, he is probably taking it as a slap in the face because he sent his kids to school--he may not want to recognize it as a good choice because then he may feel that he has to admit that he made a not-as-good choice.  I'd just be quiet about my choices around him.  And maybe send him periodic letters mentioning the great things the kids are learning and doing, just to let him know that all is going well with you in your choice (and so he doesn't try to create trouble for you.)

Answer 14

Being a home-school mom *is* work.  It is one of the best jobs on the planet!

Why would you go nuts ---- has your uncle tried being a home-school mom..... har har.

Moms were created to be with the children.  It really is a great pursuit -- it has its ups and downs just like any other job.  But it has the best rewards.

My career for the past 25 years has been being a mother to my children.  

Staying home with the kids gave me plenty of satisfaction.  Now, I *did* work part-time for 7 years away from home -- If I could start over I would NOT work in the outside world at all.  I missed too much of the best times with my children.  Other moms in the neighborhood did the things with my children that I should have been doing -- fieldtrips, cooking classes, knitting classes, unit-studies, drama classes, report writing, etc. etc. etc.  

I'm not 50 yet.  I hope to have at least another 20 or 30 years to work in so-sigh-ay-tay.  Thing is, I haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up! For now I'm enjoying being a grandma to 3 little cuties.

I still homeschool my youngest --- he is 17 and does most of his work on his own.  I'm also  a caregiver for an elderly friend that lives in my house, and I work as a part-time bookkeeper when I'm not home-schooling.

Some of my favorite times have been staying home and working together with the children on their studies, playing games, building things, planting the garden, going to piano and violin lessons (and concerts), participating in 4H activities (horses, pigs, woodworking, cooking, performing arts, etc.), camping, travelling, watching movies, OMGoodness the list could go on forever.......

Tell your uncle to myob..... :-)

Join a local moms group for homeschoolers and start getting ready --- its never too soon to find out everything about it!

I started planning on home-schooling 3 years before my first one was born.

Answer 15

Other than a very brief part-time stint when we were pressed for money, I've been home since my first was born, over 10 years ago. I have still done some work through my home, but only do that to help with expenses. I would be completely fine bein at home with just them. I have my own interests and pursuits that don't require me to be away from them for 40 hours (plus travel time) each week.

You won't convince your uncle of anything and you don't need to. Just accept his difference of opinion and divert the conversations elsewhere. Or say, "Well, if I reach a point of wanting to work, I'll have that option, won't I?" He can't argue with that.

Answer 16

I have a 9 year old daughter and a 2 year old daughter. My 9 year old has never seen the inside of a school.

Do I miss having a career? Not really. YES there are days I would love to just kiss the kids and walk out the door and run out by myself.

Can you be a full time parent and have time for yourself - absolutely. It is part of being in a relationship. "Hey honey you get to babysit tomorrow while I go to my knitting class."

Can you work and homeschool? Absolutely! I've done it and know others who have. It just takes a little more planning and commitment on your part.

We decided when I was pregnant with my first daughter that we were going to homeschool. I've never looked back and I've never regretting it.

My advice is tell your Uncle that you understand his point of view and that you've decided to wait until your child is ready for preschool to make that decision. It is always easiest to tell someone that you will think over what they have to say then to argue your point.

Just don't expect him to come around. I have family members who constantly tell me how I am doing the right thing and they are so proud. I also have family members who tell me I am doing the worst thing ever. In my own defense - the proud ones are the parents. :)

Best of luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 17

First of all you have a while to go before making the decision. I congratulate you for considering homeschooling. I homeschooled a grandson for a year and found it the most wonderful experience. Kids will drive you nuts sometimes no matter what so dont worry about that. I was in several homeschooling groups and found the children to be better behaved, more loving, able to communicate very well.  I found homeschool families to be far closer than families with children in public school. You can probably visit a group in your area to check it out and ask lots of questions. I would advise you to do that as you will certainly be sold. My favorite group were the "Unschoolers". They weren't religious based and made up their own curriculums.

I was very nervous about homeschooling at first. I felt I had to find a curriculum and do things by the letter and in a super organized manner. Due to the unschoolers group I learned that you teach your child no matter where you are or what you're doing. Children are sponges and learn no matter what and at a fast pace. My grandson was afraid of reading so I didnt push him at all. One day he asked me what a sign said and i helped him sound out the words....from that day on he began wanting to read signs everywhere we went. After that he began reading books and is now an avid reader. The point is...he was ready. Of couse I then added teaching him the basics of the english language. His math skills are excellent too. He would weigh things at the grocery store and count items and eventually add the prices on his little tablet he carried around.  Math is his favorite subject. Public schools force children to learn things that each individual child might not be ready for. Your child will let you know his or her interests and you run with that. We looked up everything possibly on dinosaurs for a couple of months and then moved on to the next interest. You will play lots of games with your child and find tons of things to learn about around your own home. There are lots of arguments for homeschooling. There is tons of information on the internet and forums to join, try joining lots of them and you'll be amazed at the dedication those families have towards family, their children and making the world a better place!

Good luck.

Answer 18

I homeschooled 4 children from the crib to college (they actually left home to go to college).  I have no regrets.  I enjoyed it so much that now I teach my grandchildren.

I never went nuts....we went swimming, traveling, shopping, playing, exploring, mountain climbing, canoing, visiting....but never nuts. :-)

Answer 19

I've been a SAHM for 4 years now, since the birth of my daughter.

Of course there have been times where I've thought about going back to work, in fact, there was a chance just a few weeks ago, and I turned it down.

I love being home with my kids, it's by far the best 'job' I've ever had.  There will be good days and bad days, just like with any job, I find that the good number more than the bad.

Some Mom's need to have a career outside of their home, does that make them 'bad'.... no!  Others decide to stay home does that make them 'better'?  Nope.

It's really up to you, look at your situation and decide what is best for you!  Some women choose to work from home, some just stay home with their kids, it's entirely a personal choice.

We have been homeschooling just this year and she's doing pre-k/kindergarten material (at 4 years old).  She loves it!  In fact, she's super excited when it comes time to do our school work and doesn't want it to end when we're done.

Hope this helps!

Answer 20

He is full of garbage :-).

I became a SAHM before I planned to.  I was going to work until my first child's birth, but I had to go on bedrest at 24 weeks of pregnancy.  I missed being vested by 2 weeks.  Ugh.

So I was a SAHM to one for two years, then I had another child and was a SAHM to two for three more years.  Then I added the title of HS Mom.  Because I was already used to being at home, it wasn't a hard transition.  In fact, it gave me a lot of intellectual stimulation (yes, even teaching K-2!).  Before I started HS'ing I also did a ton of research, read a lot of books and websites, etc.  I totally took on not only motherhood, but also "teacher" as seriously (well, more so) as a paid job.

As long as you keep busy with activities outside of the home (as a SAHM or HSmom) and keep in touch with other people by volunteering, etc., you'll be just fine.

My dad nearly had a "cow" when I said I'd be a SAHM.  He was mad that I "wasted" my college degree.  He sees now that I didn't ;-).  Also, even after my kids are grown, I'll have about 20 years worth of paid working years if I choose.

My DH and I planned it even before we were engaged that I would be a SAHM.  That helped us financially since that was our goal.  I wouldn't trade it for the WORLD!!!!!

Tell your uncle that the worth of a SAHM mom *and* a HS'ing mom is way, way more than anyone out there working.  You are contributing to society in the best way possible!

There are some great books out there about being a SAHM.  You'll have several years to get good at that before you even have to start thinking of wearing the HS mom hat....well, other than most of us homeschool from birth ;-).

Hang in there and don't let the turkeys get you down!