Question for step parents and parents ....

Question

Say you dont have any kids, your boyfriend has a 4 yr old, he tells you "thats what i should do, leave her alone with you for a day so you can learn how to discpline her and she can learn how to listen to you" Theres never been any expectations or ground rules laid out. This is the first time this has been said. How would that "teach" a child to listen to someone? Just a little bewildered here. What would you think of the comment?

Answer 1

First off you need to bond with the child, I would find out how the parent disaplines the child, a belt (if they use the belt, or a wooden spoon, the child will rebel with you until you bond with the child so time outs will work until the child trust you) or if they use a time out, if you use th ebelt  or a paddle and the parent uses time out, you are in for a world of hurt.

Answer 2

basically he does not want to watch his child for the day and he is sugar-coating it so you can watch the kid while he goes out and plays.

Answer 3

ask him about his ground rules, they might have a no spanking policy, or a time out policy, and go from there. Shes 4, keep her amused, play games with her, enjoy acting like a kid and jump in puddles with her :P If she does misbehave, chances are, she will get over it alot quicker than you, so sit her down in a quiet place for 3 mins, 3 mins is an eternity to a kid lol

Answer 4

I would say it's not my job..it's not my child. I would love to be her friend and I will care for her and see that she is loved and comfortable but it's "your" job as a parent to discpline and set ground rules.

Answer 5

Im gonna make a guess here...  You dont think your bf disciplines correctly, he thinks that you have no idea what he goes through and just how hard it is.  When in reality, his lack of discipline is because of some sort of guilt about not being with the mom or this or that.  She is probably a lil manipulative as well.  She knows what buttons to push and when.

Bottom line...  this will likely always be an issue.  So if this is going to eventually be a deal breaker, you need to make that decision now.  The more you try to tell him what he needs to do, the more defensive he will become.  Its not your place, youre not the mother, you dont know what its like, ect.  And the more he continues to let it go on, unfortunatly, the more spoiled the child will be.

Answer 6

You don’t do a darn thing before you sit down and talk to your boyfriend/fiancé about what you two want to do together!  Because while he may SAY, sure, go ahead and just get her to listen to you. It’s far from being THAT simple….trust me on this!

I suggest you talk to your fiancé and just ask him the basics. What main form of discipline does he want you to use? And once you two figure out all these details, have the little girl come and sit down with you two and let Daddy explain to her that when Daddy isn’t around, she is to listen to YOU. And that if she doesn’t listen, that you will put her in time out (or whatever you two decided) and that it will be discussed when Daddy gets home.

I say this because my husband did the same thing to me. But when I went ahead to put my stepdaughter in time out for talking back, he disagreed with it. So from that point on I refused to do anything until we agreed upon how I’d go about doing things. He soon realized that he had no methods of discipline (only child and a Daddy’s girl) and that changes needed to be made. Since then, almost 4 yrs ago, she’s done VERY well with rules in our home and she listens to me perfectly.

It’s very important that you two stay a united front because another thing is that my stepdaughter (now almost 5 yrs old) has learned to play us against each other.  If she knows Daddy will say no, she comes to me. If she knows I’ll say no, she goes to Daddy. And that’s why it’s key for us to be on the same page regarding everything with his daughter.

Also, we had our own child when my stepdaughter was 3 yrs old. And us being a united front with her, helped us transition with our own baby that much easier. We already knew what set of rules we wanted because we started them up with her. So now the same set of rules applies to BOTH kids (even though ours is a bit younger) so that there are NO fights or favorites down the road.

I love these two kids with all my heart. One of them I gave birth to, the other I didn’t have to! :)

Answer 7

A four year old is easy.  Just play with her.  4 year olds always want to be like the grown up girls.  Ask a lot of questions right away, and she'll start showing off.  Don't be all over Daddy though, you are taking her man away.  

Answer 8

What about the mother? Is she around? Does she agree with this?

Maybe you need to watch how he is with the child first, get an understanding on his ground rules and that should give you an insight on how to. If the mother is around and agrees, try a friend  approach.

by no means do not try to be moma.

Answer 9

You are not a step parent......you are the girlfriend of a parent. All you need to do in your roll as her fathers girlfriend is to be respectful of her and be her "friend". Her father should be doing all the disciplining. I think he is out of touch to be expecting you to "teach" this child how to listen to you. He should be "teaching" his own child how to respect other adults......period.  

Answer 10

i think it would be wrong the child might think you are being that way because daddy is not there and hate you for it

you should go it together he should be there and when you ask her to do something and she does not listen he could say did you hear what  xx xx said so she  can see you're a team

she will learn fast