Question for the divorced.?

Question

Hi there, I'm not divorced or anything (haven't even been married yet) but I just broke up with my BF last week (he is divorced, but we're still friends even after the break up) but it made me start thinking & wondering about people who ARE divorced.

Basically, to those of you who are divorced: Do you find it hard being in a new relationship because your ex-wife or husband directly or indirectly still makes you miserable?? Thus, making it harder for you to be happy & enjoy the NEW relationship??

Just wondering :)

Answer 1

In the time right after a divorce it can be difficult to establish a meaningful relationship.  In many cases, especially when kids are involved, one or both parties are just plain nuts for a little while.  There's no way I could have established a normal relationship right after I divorced.  My ex was behaving like a psycho and I was in a constant state of stress.   After about a year everything began to calm down.  Now, 7 years later, we have a decent relationship and a mutual understanding of boundaries, etc.  Dating and relationships aren't a problem for either of us and haven't been for years.

Answer 2

you have to learn to let go of that relationship.. learn what you can from its failure and move on.....

harder ... i dont know.. but the same problems will follow if not addressed....

Answer 3

i'm divorced.  but very friendly with kids involved.  my motto is "live life without regret"  and you can't change the past but you can do something about the future.  don't hang on to something that is no good for you.  life is too short.

Answer 4

Yep, those are called rebounds!  Pretty dangerous for those who are ready for the real thing.

Answer 5

I've severed all ties with my Xs....I don't want them making me miserable.

Answer 6

Nope.  He left me for someone else , I divorced him and moved on.  

I met a great guy about a year after the divorce was final.  If anything he was the one that got upset because I got over him.

The woman he left me for left him.  I married that man I met and just celebrated 22 years.

Once I divorced him I never looked back or really cared about him anymore.  He was only the father of my children and they were 11 and 15 at the time of the divorce so they had a relationship with him without having me involved.

Everything worked out fine for me and our children.  He is now remarried and very miserable.  He tells our children all the time he wish he had his family back.  

Answer 7

I am divorced and did not want to be I do not believe in divorce, he did it from another sate, and yes its hard, but I hope you are not letting him use that for an excuse. and you should not blame the ex in his life for your problems with him , if that is what you are getting at. There does come a time when people do have to realize that the new person is not the ex and grow up and face that fact.

Answer 8

The longer you were in a marriage, the more baggage it leaves with you after the divorce.  It's easy to let that baggage interfere with being happy with a new partner.  It takes lots of effort to let go of the pain and move on.

Answer 9

Well, as i see, once you taste the bitterness's than it take a while to have that taste back.

After broke of from a bad relationship it make you think twice try to trust some one again.

Just like my case, I married for 3.5 miserable year and have one boy with her.

She have the custody of the boy, I pay support but to her pay support is mean i should give her my anti income even before income tax.

My visiting right been trip off over the year to nothing.

my point is i am want more children but when i meet a girl i can't find that I can trust her enough to starting family and children. the togetherness with a woman give me a feeling of fear. So it is not the same like my first time falling in love with a woman.

Answer 10

It's not hard at all!  I don't allow him to affect me directly or indirectly.  I got divorced for a reason.  No point in dragging that out and continuing to be miserable.  I moved on - there's no drama in moving on.  The people who continue on with the drama haven't really let go and need to if they want to find a happy relationship with someone else.

Answer 11

I am divorced and remarried to a great guy this time. My ex was very abusive in all ways.  He emotionally attached himself to me and it took a lot of time to get over him, even after being married again.  I don't love him anymore, but it is truly a time thing.  My husband and I have a wonderful relationship and can talk about anything.  He understand that all I have been through and is willing to help me through it.

Answer 12

Why would he make me miserable?  He's never made me happier.  The best thing he ever did was walk out of my life.

Answer 13

Yup, I got divorced in 2003, it was 2005 before I could get at least half way away from all the baggage I had from the marriage. My first steady boyfriend after the divorce was constantly paying for my ex husband's mistakes.

And to this day, the ex is jealous of anything I do, and everyone I do it with. Makes it hard to be able to talk about our kids and remain civil to each other. Also makes it hard for my current relationship...he doesnt understand why I let my ex control my feelings. Ex's are hard to shake aftr 10 years of marriage I guess. Wish i could be stronger and really let it go.