Question for those against CIO (and anyone else who wants to comment)...?

Question

Good morning!

I have no opinion either way about the CIO method. My daughter is 6 months and I haven't used it personally, but I have recommended it to friends who've been desperate for a solution.

I was reading a parenting article online yesterday about shaken baby syndrome (and other infant deaths) and it said many child care providers shake babies because they won't stop crying. These women claimed that the babies were tired but wouldn't fall asleep. Understand that I don't find this excuse to be valid at all and I personally think people who shake babies should be jailed for the rest of their lives, but it made me start thinking. I should also point out that the parents of these child all trusted and loved their day care providers...they had no reason to believe this could happen.

So here's my question. To those of you who are against CIO, do you children have a child care provider or are the majority of you stay-at-home-moms? If your child does go to daycare each day, would you change your opinion of the CIO method if you thought it would reduce the chance of your child care provider shaking your baby in a moment of panic or stress?

After reading this article, I've decided that if my daycare informed me that my daughter cried and cried before naptime (because I rock her to sleep at home), I would try the CIO method. I would rather take the change of my daughter 'resenting' me (as some people believe the CIO method can cause) than have her permanently brain damaged or worse.

So, to sum it up, if you thought CIO would reduce your infants chance of being harmed by a frustrated child care provided (or anyone else), would you change your opinion of it? Why or why not?

Thanks!

Answer 1

I would do what is right for my child, not what makes it easier on the caregiver. Especially if I were paying a ridiculous amount of money for them to care for my child- lovingly and attentively.

I am a SAHM and pregnant with our third child. I have not, and do not plan on using the CIO method with my infant children. I get what you are saying but if that provider is going to get frustrated with your child for crying at nap time- what happens when the child is upset and crying from teething or an ear infection? You cannot prevent children from crying altogether. Whether you teach them to self soothe or not they will cry from pain, frustration, or because they are just plain tired. If a provider is going to lose their temper then it can happen at anytime, not just at nap time.  

Answer 2

One doesn't have anything to do with the other.  It doesn't change my opinion of crying it out at all, infants have no other way of communicating they are in distress, or just want you around.  They cry.  It gets you to come to them, and they are happy again.

I would think letting a child cry it out in the presence of a frustrated daycare worker just may make them even -more- frustrated, as often an infant will get overtired, and in more distress as the time frame continues and cry even more, thus making said daycare worker (or anyone else) even more to the breaking point, wouldn't you think?  So no, I don't think letting a child CIO is the answer.

Answer 3

Lots of questions ;-)

I am against the CIO method because I think it is cruel.  My baby does tend to cry a bit before some naps but we hold and rock her through these crying times and wait until she is calm and nearly asleep before laying her down, or if she wants I nurse her to sleep.  I couldn't bear the thought of putting her down in that crying state.  My husband is a SAHD so we do not have to worry about a childcare provider using CIO or any SBS possibilities.  If we did have to use outside childcare I would ensure that the center or nanny did not use CIO and had a low infant to teacher ratio so that they had time to rock and cuddle her to bed, just like we do.

Answer 4

im a stay at home mom because of the fact of someone hurting my baby.i have heard to much of daycare workers hurting babies and i just dont like that fact.

Answer 5

We are all different.  Our babies are all different.  I personally would never use CIO, and never had the need to.  I was a SaH mom, and my daughter STTN from around 7 months.  

I think CIO has its uses ... .limited uses, but uses nonetheless. What troubles me is women who use (or tell other moms to use) it with VERY young babies, or in an attempt to make baby meet some unrealistic goal. (i.e. sleep 8-10  by 2 months, or 'self soothe' at 3 months.  If an older baby is waking VERY often and is not hungry and wont' be comforted in other ways, I could see how CIO might be a useful tool.  But not in most cases.  When you have a baby, you agree to meet that baby's needs ... even if it means waking at night for a few months.

As for the care provider question:   Any care provider who I even REMOTELY suspected of shaking a baby, or wanting to shake a baby  would be fired instantly.

Answer 6

I'm not a stay at home mom, my son goes to the sitter two days a week, and I'm 100% against crying it out. I think it's cruel and it's wrong. My sitter is great with my son, and I don't have to worry about him crying it out. If any child is at a sitter's home where the sitter doesn't know how to handle a crying child, then it's time to find a new sitter. A care provider needs to be able to handle those times and understand that they are a baby. A parent should do their homework and background checks before going to a sitter.

I won't change my opinion of CIO. Any time a baby cries, there's a reason behind it, and I firmly believe that.  

Answer 7

No, I'm still against leaving a baby in a room by themselves to cry and cry and cry.  You don't know why that baby is crying to begin with, maybe they don't feel good, maybe they're teething, maybe they're just hungry, maybe they just need to feel secure.  If you give the childcare provider the go-ahead to just let you baby cry, then I feel that's being a bit neglectful.  They aren't quite like you (the mom), who will do everything they can before letting the baby CIO.  They would be more apt to take advantage of it I feel.  If they have 6 kids, and you say just let my child CIO, then how much attention do you think they're really going to pay to your baby?  

If it comes down to a decision between them letting your baby CIO (because you fear shaken baby syndrome) or hold them, then I feel I would find another babysitter!  

Answer 8

Who on earth would send their child to a day care where their choice is to either let the carers ignore their baby's screams or for them to shake the baby to death?

If there was a chance they would do either, babies shouldn't be sent there.

Answer 9

Are you implying that my sons daycare worker would be more likely to hurt him if he's crying and she's frustrated?  If she were to let my son lay there and CIO, wouldn't that frustrate her more than her rocking him to sleep and him NOT crying?  If I'm understanding your question correctly, it doesn't make sense to me.  

ETA: In reply to your edit.  I can't speak for all babies but both of my boys are capable of self-soothing to some degree without crying at all.  If they were to cry, I would want their childcare provider to pick them up and soothe them.  I don't pay them $840 a month for nothing.  

I'm not trying to be angry or rude either.   : )

Answer 10

That logic is off. Why on earth would CIO reduce an infant's chance of being harmed? I would think calming the baby down would be much better and less stressful than letting him/her lay in their crib and CIO. I think it's a lazy way of parenting. I have NEVER done this with my almost 5 month old nor do I plan on using it at any time.

Answer 11

I see what you're saying. I don't think letting a baby cry ever means that they are going to stop crying as a result. They will just learn that when they cry, no one is going to come help them. That I do believe makes them worse off. I honestly believe that anyone working in daycare should be able to deal with crying, and if they felt any kind of anger or pressure, I hope they would have the good sense to walk away and collect themselves rather than harm my baby. But this is why I am staying home for the first year of my daughter's life. So no, I don't think CIO helps babies learn to self soothe, I think it makes them more apt to panic, especially in unfamiliar situations.  

Answer 12

Your logic and reasoning does make sense.

I can't say for sure... but if I ever imagined that a childcare provider would harm my child then I'd switch daycares because CIO doesn't guarantee your baby won't cry.

If you switch their routine, or bring them to a new place, and you use CIO then you have to do it all over again.

Just because your baby learned to not cry for your attention because you withheld it doesn't mean they won't cry for someone else's attention.  The need for comfort and attention doesn't go away with CIO... they just give up on asking for it from you.