Question for those in AA/previously in AA?

Question

I have a friend who started attending AA a few months ago. I was thrilled that she was ready to get sober, as I have known many people in the past who have had great success with the program.

She is not sticking with the program like she should, and I think part of the reason it is not working for her is that there seems to be a lot of drama in her meeting. People dating, spreading rumors about each other, talking behind one another's backs- it just doesn't seem like it is an environment that is conducive to getting and staying sober- at least it has not been for her.

Is this typical? Should she find a new meeting? I know that her recovery is her responsiblity, but I think she is getting pulled into the soap-opera atmosphere too much and it is distracting her from the work she needs to do.

Thanks for your input.

Answer 1

I am not in "AA" nor have I been.  It is good that she has made that first step towards sobriety.  It will definitely be tough and it may get tougher.  She might need to seek another "AA" meeting group.

Just keep encouraging her no matter if she slips and has another drink... be her friend ...

Answer 2

Yes, most definitely. She should seek a different place for her meetings. If she has problems where she is now she will never recover.

I would also suggest that she gets a sponsor. That way she would have someone who has already done all the steps and she can trust them to be a more trust worthy friend.

I don't think this is typical at all as far as AA goes. Most of the meetings are held by very responsible people.

She can look on line for meetings in her area if she doesn't know where to go .

Your a good friend for noticing what shes been dealing with and your concern is valid.

Take care

Answer 3

yeah, she definitely needs to find another location for her meetings. i live in a mid-size city and there are tons of times and locations. people like that tend to flock together and chances are, they are still using if they're acting like that. i actually went through outpatient rehab and counseling while i was in aa and eventually i quit aa b/c it just wasn't for me. it's hard for younger people (i was 19) then because everyone else is older. maybe she just needs to check into counseling or outpatient rehab. it helped me tons more than aa. good luck.

Answer 4

I have nine years' worth of experience with AA and quit going to meetings about a year ago, in part because of the behavior you mention.  The drama, rumors, s******g around...you're right, it isn't healthy at all.  As for trying different meetings--it's true that some are better than others but frankly even the very best are still pretty bad.  It's kind of like McDonald's.  Some locations are more pleasant, cleaner, etc. but the food is the same at all of them.

I quit drinking ten years ago and have really turned my life around since that time.  I do believe that AA helped me at the very start, simply because the meetings gave me a place to go when I was persona non grata at home, something to do besides drink, and people to talk to who understood my experience.  But in the long run, AA is not a good thing.  The few people who actually do quit drinking (about 5%) get pretty crazy in AA after awhile.  Between the constant drama and the bizarre notion that you can never leave or you'll relapse and die, it's far from a healthy atmosphere.  

Because of this, I honestly believe that the best thing you can do for your friend is to support her if she decides that she doesn't want to stick around AA.  One of the hardest things in the world is to want to be sober and healthy, but have people insist that you aren't serious unless you go to a place you know is harmful.  Please do not do that to your friend.

There is an online support group called Smart Recovery that I truly believe is much healthier than AA.  You might suggest that to her as an alternative.  And wish her luck for me.  The last ten years without alcohol have been the best of my life.

http://www.smartrecovery.org/