Question for those of you who have step children?

Question

I am a step mom to two boys ages 5 and 10. We also have my daughter living in the home she is 6 yrs old. The problem is my 10 yr old step son thinks I'm always out to get him. He is at the age that he will argue with you about anything. Not just me but my husband, or anyone. If I tell his Dad that he won't listen to me, then he thinks I hate him. I have to get all the kids ready for school, my husband leaves the house between 4:30-5:00 am for work. So if the kids don't listen in the morning my husband gets a report about them. Well the 10 yr old turns it all out to that I am lying and picking on him. Also he says I am never interested in anything he shows me, etc. How do you deal with a situation like this?

Answer 1

Hi, I am a step dad to 2 children and father of 4. My step children see me as their dad. My eldest stepson has adhd and is partially sighted. We have a very complex relationship and some days it's a real battle of wills. The best advice I can give is be patient, try to find one-to-one time or special family time doing whatever interests the children and be open and honest to him when his behaviour is upsetting you and set some clear boundaries with a specific forfeit for crossing the line i.e no computer games for a day if the morning starts badly etc. The relationship will grow and you'll be a lot happier as a family. Most importantly don't allow this situation to come between yourself and your partner! Hope this has helped, good luck with the future.

Answer 2

Try to set aside alone time with each child, that way he won't feel like you are leaving him out.  

Answer 3

Try to give him more time.Stop and listen to him and show him you love him too. He is reaching out for you.

Answer 4

I don't have any step children, but I had a step dad growing up and I think the best advice I can give you is to try to spend some one-on-one time with him. take him out somewhere just the two of you and do  something that he enjoys.have some one-on-one time at least once a week even if after a while he's just going to the grocery store with you. see if you can get him to open. it's hard to have a step-parent so just try to show him patience and understanding.

-stormie

Answer 5

It's an angst going thru puberty and probably also the lack of biological mother situation...They'll see it as your not the real mother so why would you care or even listen to you...Good luck hope things will get resolve somehow

Answer 6

I would sit down with your husband and just tell him that you don't hate his son, and that you don't treat his son any different then the other kids and that you are tired of all lies and stories. Tell him that he needs to say something to him or he needs to be there to get him ready in the morning because you can't do it any more. Tell him that it effects your whole day.  

Answer 7

i have a stepson also. if he is intentionally not listening to you and lying i would stay on his dad until something is done. however, i would not let him think you will always tell his dad, and not deal with it yourself. he needs to be grounded to his bedroom.

if your hubby isn't standing behind you 100% of the time, then it will never work.

he is sdjusting right now and that is the big problem. he isn't used to someone else taking the reigns. the worse thing you could do, is to be his best friend right now. he needs to be disciplined right now to know his limits, then when you have earned the respect of one another, then you can be a good friend to him. he needs to see you as a parent figure first, friend second.

if your hubby ever questions you in front of him about something you said he did, i would have a serious talk with him about undermining your authority. your husband should know that you are treating him with the same love and respect you would treat your own children,. he is just a little bit more hard headed. after all, you aren't having problems with the 5 year old right?

Answer 8

Well you need to MAKE him listen to you, and deal with it right then if he doesn't, not make a report to his Dad!  It's YOUR home, YOU are in charge, MAKE him mind!  So what he thinks you're out to get him, let him think what he wants.  It isn't your job to coddle him it's your job to make him mind you!  You just don't allow him to argue back!  He does what he's told or else there are consequences to pay! Take charge!  He will think nothing of you, have no respect for you if you don't handle these things yourself.  You can't treat him any different than you do your own kids, do you call their Dad and report to him when they don't mind or do you deal with it yourself?

Answer 9

your step son should be able to tell your husband anything BUT what your husband believe should be a different story..

How long have you been his step mother.? if it has only been a short time then it will take some time to have him see that you are not the enemy..

Him being the oldest may have something to do about it.. To him you may be the new person that came in and took over when for a long time it was him..

His father should be talking with him too.