Question for those who have a problem with adoptees in pain from adoption?

Question

Do you have a problem with other peoples pain too? Are you an all around insensitive person? or is it JUST adoptees expressing their pain that bothers you so much?

Answer 1

I think the person who wrote that was stirring the pot.  Although in truth some people are uncomfortable with any amount of pain, and cannot empathize.  

I truthfull could never understand what it is like to be adopted, just as others cannot understand what it is like to be raised by alcoholics.  I think if it is only fair I share my pain at my bio parents that others can share their pain by not having bio parents.

I do think that person was pot stirring though, and really unnecessarily so.

Answer 2

I feel for people in pain- no matter what kind- and if there are people who have had a bad experience I always say that I wish I could help them and tell them that I am not negating their negative experience.  I would never want to do that.  People who know me at all know that I reach out to others in pain- even when I am in pain myself- and by the way, I am in constant pain from a disease= however I never flaunt that- I truly desire to care- however what gets me upset is the fact that those who, unfortunately,  have had a bad experience feel that I must be in denial because I didn't.

EDIT -what is wrong with this pic?  I want to care about others pain, and when I say that I get thumbs down= like I said before I care about others pain- however why can't someone understand that I am fine with adoption- but I can relate to others in pain. WOW

Answer 3

Wow....what happened? Did I miss something?

Someone stirring the pot again? *bangs head on wall*

As an infertile woman I feel sometimes I am sanctioned for sharing MY pain.

I would no sooner dismiss an adoptees pain as I would anyone else. I thought we were moving pass all this on the forum.

Please people.....you do not have to agree with someone in order to treat them with compassion.

I am here to learn....

And for heavens sake will Y!A add the word adoptee to spell check!!!!!!!

Answer 4

I don't have a problem with adoptees who experience pain.  My sister suffers a great deal and I understand that what she feels is very real.  

But I wish those who do experience this could understand how comparing your pain to that experienced by others (in different circumstances) can be very hurtful.  I do have a problem with claiming that any person's pain is greater or less than anothers. And I have seen this view expressed on this site.  Adoptees do not have a monopoly on pain.  Yes, it is real but no more OR less real than anyone elses.  

What is the worst kind of pain?  The one you or your loved one is experiencing at the moment.

Answer 5

Not me

Answer 6

I guess people who have trouble with adoptee 'pain' think that changing out parents is no big whoop.  Anyone can parent anyone.  There is nothing about any of us that is unique.

We're all just tabula rasa, just waiting to be imprinted on by whichever parents are deemed the most 'fit' by our once Puritan American culture.

Lost your culture, heritage, history?  That's okay, have ours!

Puke.

Answer 7

Why is that other friggin question still up?  If Phil and i both reported her???

Ugh.  I don't think this site is safe for adoptees.

If i'm not an adoptee can i still come with you guys?

I'm so sorry guys for the rude and insensitive people here.  You should be able to express your true feelings and be met with kindness, compassion and understanding.  peace.

Answer 8

Are you in pain because perhaps people are not accepting you liking the same s*x. And don't get angry I am only going by your Avatar.

Answer 9

you don't have to be adopted to feel ones pain or least try and understand it...we all have pain at some point in our life..we all suffer loss of some kind....and loss comes in different situations for different people...I just think that some ppl need to leave it alone and stop stirring things up or making ppl feel worse...I don't know about most of you...but for me...I like being comfortable in my own skin...and not intentionally set out to hurt others...it's not right and not fair to make certain ppl or groups a target or source of entertainment...this whole thing is far from entertaining..it's sad in more ways then one...and the ppl doing the same old c**p...really should look in the mirror and exam who they are....most of the adoptees here seem like descent ppl with at times solid advice....they are entitled to their emotions and thoughts just as we are entitled ours

Answer 10

i think people who aren't adopted just don't understand why there is pain,. when we're "so lucky".

gersh, i love what you've done with your hair:)

Answer 11

Some people appear to be so threatened by adoptee pain that they become nasty and insensitive towards adoptees who express such feelings.  

I suggest these people seek professional help to reveal the source of these feelings of threat.  Perhaps these people should also find activities that don't push this button for them rather than obsessively seeking out adoptees who express pain and focussing on them.

Answer 12

I know I've been tagged as someone who is insensitive to adoptees pain and I don't think that I am totally..however as is often thrown in my face, I'm not adopted so how could I be totally sensitive to that?

I have no problem with people expressing their pain.  I have a problem with people who think their pain entitles them to target others, delete questions that shouldn't be deleted and give thumbs down to people who may actually be making a good point (as the first poster did here) because they have decided that they are bad people for not sharing their opinions.

I have a problem when people think their pain is more valid than other people's pain...I have a problem when people push their perception of their adoption experience on to other people.

I have a problem when people who do not share the horrible vision of adoption are told they are in denial, or on drugs or don't realize they've been "culturally raped."

If YOU feel that way, express it..but don't make out like EVERY adopted person has to feel the way you do.  (not you personally..just speaking to the masses).

I have a problem with couples who are willing to adopt being compared to rapists...that is pretty horrible.  

I have a problem when anyone who posts a question that is different from your views is called a "pot stirrer (except that one that posted recently because she was just trying to stir the pot)

Right now, I'm just worried about problem child.

EDIT: You did not call adoptive parents rapists...someone referred to being culturally raped.....well then who is the rapist?

But ....you chatted by referring to me by name so let's see if anyone deletes this question.

MRS.  ROBINSON 2B....

The word is clique..that is what you call a group of people.  Please spell correctly and stop posting silly questions.

Answer 13

I can't say it any better than Cruzgirl did.

Love the wig, Gersh.